"At first I thought my life was going around in circles. Then I took a closer look and realized it's actually a downward spiral."

"Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture." --Jack Handey

"I live in my own little world, but it's OK- they know me here."

"Never do today what you can put off until tomarow."

"Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off"

"Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean that everyone Isn't out to get you."

"Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."

"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

"I intend to live forever -- so far, so good."

"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?"

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for
you."

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."

"All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise my hand."

"The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first."

"I like Yorkshire terriers. They're good to wash your car
with. They fit right in the bucket." --Billiam Coronel

"Most people are really scared of werewolves but I bet if
you saw one crying because the other wolves had made fun of
him, you would probably feel sorry for him and try to pet
him. That was my first mistake."

"No one is listening until you make a mistake."

"Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view."

"Two wrongs are only the beginning."

"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."

"Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route"

"Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens."

"My inferiority complex is not as good as yours."

"I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it."