| Mhiko: How shall we start this? Sera:...By apologizing that we�re too lazy to write a real review and are doing a discourse instead? Mhiko: Ah. Stating the obvious. A good way to start a review. Sera: The Door Within by Wayne Thomas Batson is the current project which we are about to pick apart excruciating detail by excruciating detail, examine thoroughly, and then crush brutally underfoot! Mhiko: *takes out bark collar remote and presses button* Sera: *twitches* Mhiko: It was really worth my time to invest in that for you, Sera. Sera: Because I�m WORTH it! *tosses hair back like in the L�oreal commercials* But now we�re starting to get pointless. Mhiko: Sera, you are pointless. Sera:... Mhiko: Well, we have to start somewhere. How about with a plot synopsis? Sera: Ooooh, me, me, me! *bzzt*...Darn it! Mhiko: The Door Within is the story of a boy� Sera: Named idiot! Mhiko: That�s Aidan. Sera: Same difference. Mhiko: We�re getting nowhere fast, are we? Sera: I�ve always wanted to go nowhere! Mhiko: *takes out bark collar remote* Sera: *gets down on knees* No, no! I�ll be good! Don�t zap me again! And especially don�t send me to the man with the horrible, gruesome pictures! Mhiko: Those are inkblot tests, Sera. Sera: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!! Mhiko: While Sera runs around in a mad panic, allow me to continue to explain. Aidan Thomas has just moved to his grandfather�s house away from everything he loves, knows, and knows and still loves. While suffering from a massive bout of boredom, he decides to explore the basement. Sera: And then blue! It exploded blue! Mhiko: For once, I shall concur. Blue bolts of electricity shoot across the floor leaving behind three pots containing strange scrolls. Sera: And the scrolls were blue! Big, exploding�*bzzt!* Mhiko: Anyways. Things go on from there, and eventually Aidan finds himself in a magical world that he must help save. Sera: That�s not fair! How come I never get to save magical worlds?!?! Mhiko: Probably, Sera, because, given the chance, you would destroy them. Sera: Yeah, but...but...SO?!?!?! *bzzt!* Ack! Mhiko: Thank you, God, for inventing bark collars. Now let�s get to the excruciating detail part. Sera: Let�s start with the dislikes first because they flow so much more easily. Mhiko: To begin with, was this book written by a five-year-old? The writing was extremely childish, and the author� Sera: Wayne! Mhiko: Sera, we�re not on familiar terms with the man just because we read his book. Sera: But...we�re familiar with Bob... Mhiko: That�s because he�s already dead, Sera. We killed him, remember? Anyways...despite the fact that the main character is a teenager, the writing level is hardly up to par with what a teenager should be reading...unless, of course, they go to public schools. Sera: So the book�s written for stupid teenagers. I mean, come on, the man uses exclamation points in the narration. EXCLAMATION POINTS, I SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bzzt!* Mhiko: *sighs*...The stupidity I have to put up with. And speaking of stupidity, the author also seems to have trouble as far as stating the obvious. Sera: To take an example directly from the text: �Aidan lay unconscious...until, at last, he began to wake up.� Like...duh? Mhiko: Very good. Sera: Also, one thing that stuck out to me was the symbolism was a little too obvious and intentional. Don�t get me wrong, symbolism is a great thing, but you can tell the author is really TRYING too hard. Symbolism is something that should flow naturally and be subtle, not stick out like a sore thumb. Mhiko: Speaking of trying too hard, it seemed to me that the drama was a little too forced, almost like the book had been rushed through to meet a deadline. Now don�t get me wrong; I can relate to having a deadline. Sera: Three words: Five paragraph essays. Mhiko: *shudder* And, just because I like picking on people, there were certain parts that were slightly unrealistic. For instance, there was not nearly enough mourning going around when one of the ee-pah arrow twin guys died. Sera: Hey, I get it now! Expert archers...Nock...Bolt! Ha! I understand! The light! It blinds me! *bzzt!* Mhiko: Yeah, that would be the light from your electric bark collar going haywire. Sera: *bzzt!* *bzzt!* *bzzt!* *bzzt!* *bzzt!* *bzzt!* *bzzt!* MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! Mhiko: No, thank you. While Sera twitches in agony, however, I shall continue on to the likes of the book. First of all� Sera: The text was bluuuuuuuuuueeeee!!!!!!!! Mhiko: Why didn�t the bark collar go off? Sera: It exploded from excess stress from having to endure my companionship. Mhiko:...I can relate to that. Sera: You�re going to explode? Ee-pah! I want to watch! Anyways, another thing we liked about the book is that it�s really easy for the reader to relate to the main character. He�s...normal. Mhiko: Unlike some other individual I can think of... Sera: You mean like Cosmo from the Fairly Oddparents? Mhiko:...Folks, this is what happens to people after watching cartoons and anime� Sera: The pink sparklies!!!! Mhiko:�yes, sparklies�until one in the morning, then waking up to a hearty breakfast of leftover pizza, doritos, and oreos. Sera: And milk! Don�t forget the milk! There�s nothing like a well-balanced breakfast! Mhiko: Anyways. We also enjoyed the small lead into the next book involving an unexpected person turning evil. Sera...answer the door. Someone�s knocking, and if it�s not stopped soon, I think I shall take out my reverse handle Jin Tachi sword. Sera: As much as I�d like to see that, I think I�ll just answer the door. Hey, it�s the pizza delivery guy! I didn�t order any pizza... Mhiko: Huh? From Harry Turtledove? To US? Sera: So he really is a nice guy! Hey, I didn�t know that rat poison was an option for a pizza topping... Mhiko: Sera...throw it out... Sera: But...it�s pizza! The cheese! Mhiko: On the other hand, maybe I should let you eat it. I don�t think the poison would effect you what with how many times I�ve tried to feed you toxic substances... Sera: It�s a developed immunity! Mhiko: Anyways, getting back to our original subject� Sera: What, huh? We had a subject? Mhiko: Yes, Sera. Very good. As a concluding point�before we get sidetracked again�the one thing we noticed about the story was that it wasn�t stereotypical. Which is odd, considering that a small, insignificant earth child being sent to a fantasy land which he must somehow save is almost as cliche as anime pink sparklies. Only less funny. Sera: So it was stereotypical, yet...not. Mhiko: Odd. Sera: INDEED!!! *alert to inside joke that you are not a part of! So there! Be jealous and grovel!* AUGH! THE TOAST! IT LIVES!!!!!!!!!! Mhiko: Eat your pizza, Sera. Sera: Yes, ma�am. Mhiko: So, in conclusion, do we actually recommend the book? Yes and no. It shouldn�t be at the top of your �To read� list, but if you�ve read every other good book under the sun, then sure, go for it. Sera: POPPING TOAST!!!!!!!!!!! Mhiko: We�ll be leaving now...and we wonder why no one visits our site... |
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| LATEST REVIEW: The Door Within |
| By Mhiko Kihonae and Sera Amadis |
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