Where? I mean, uh, Gordon (Jason) is heading a special international super-duper squad of amazing police officers that consist of a fat dude and a guy that's trying to have a better moustache than Gordon. Even if it was two foot long either end and had bells that make women fall in love with him instantly whenever they ring on either end, his moustache would never be as good as Gordon's; simply because it is Gordon's moustache.
Anyway, plot, plot... well, er, there's this ninja clan headed by some fat dude with a crap beard and they're doing some stuff with counterfeit money, I think. I mean, they never actually say they're counterfeiting money - they just look at some dollar bills once or twice in the film and say that the quality is "quite good this time." That could mean anything. I mean, the money could be laced with cocaine, or some secret ninja magic that allows the film to somehow make sense. Anyway, Gordon's job is to beat them up, leave them handcuffed to things and pretend that ninja are a fairy tale. Come on Gordon, it's not like we can't tell you're a ninja outside of your beautiful camo ninja suit. You're far too cool to not be a ninja.
The other plot running through this film that Gordon serves as medium to connect the two in embarrasingly flimsy ways involves super-stud Warren and his tearaway, playboy of a brother David, who is played by loveable Mike Tien. You may remember Mike Tien from Golden Ninja Warrior. Probably not, huh?
Anyway, Warren is supposed to be infiltrating the money counterfeiters and doing... something. They never actually state what Warren is supposed to be doing; they just sort of tell him that he's "doing well" or "getting too far in." As far as I can tell, Warren's job is to have sex with as many women as possible and upset his girlfriend without giving her any real reasons to be upset. Honestly, she tries to kill herself because Warren's "changed" by getting himself a high paying job and buying her all the prettiest pairs of Elton John glasses as her pretty face can handle. I mean, she doesn't even figure out that he's been sleeping with other women until right at the end of the film. Sod her, anyway, since she's about the only girl we never see naked.
Oh, by the way, all the characters manage to get all sorts of personal information on all the other characters from really arbitrary sources. Now, when I say really abritrary, I mean REEAAALLLY arbitrary, as in they don't exist, which is a bit more than arbitrary, really. This information consists of things like knowing exactly when someone is going to turn up where without having any contact with either of the other characters and close-up pictures of all the other characters casually chatting on the phone or disinterestedly looking off to the side.
"Only a ninja can defeat a ninja!"
"Born a ninja, die a ninja!"
"I am the ninja champion!"
As you can see, it is impossible to choose.
Best Scene:
Oh for fuck's sake, this film ends with a ninja motorbike battle. Any questions? Then go to the play-by-play, baby.
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