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Best scene in Ninja the Protector: exciting ninja motorcycle battle extravaganza! |
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Gordon is offered a challenge by uh... the bad ninja guy. You know, the fat one with the lazy eye. |
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Gordon sneaks in one last training session before his big motorbike battle. |
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Gordon's training session mostly consists of wearing leather, growing a beard and listening to Saxon. Oh, and he throws some colourful grenades about. I don't know what they've got to do with being a biker-ninja, but they're very pretty. |
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According to Gordon it is an old ninja legend that if you are sent a long sword on top of a short sword, covered by a red cloth, then you have been issued a formal ninja motorcycle battle and you cannot refuse. Hey, I'm not going to fucking argue with Gordon. |
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I'm going to be honest with you: the motorbike battle consists of twirling some chains into each other once, and then slapping swords once nowhere near any vital or non-vital body areas. |
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Gordon and Bad Guy duke it out on their penis-compensators. |
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Who said Joseph Lai films couldn't be original? No one, because no one's seen any! Hah! See, because they're crap. Get it? |
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It's like Road Rash, except the ninja are less convincing. (psst, if you've never played Road Rash: Road Rash didn't contain any ninja.) |
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Bad Guy disappears, so Gordon chases him where they do some suspiciously fast fighting. Almost as if the scene has been sped up... almost. |
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More exciting ninja fighting. |
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Please do not try this at home; these men are professional stuntmen and not actors. I mean, they probably aren't professional stuntmen either, but I just thought it was more likely than them being real ninja or real actors. |
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Fighting ninja exciting more (sorry). |
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This part of the film actually happens up there somewhere, but I can't be bothered to move stuff around, so I'll make stuff up in the caption. |
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Gordon catches a shuriken with his fan or something. I don't see why he needs a ninja fan, considering he'll always have me. |
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Gordon and Bad Guy's ninja costumes, coupled with being out in broad daylight make them so invisible that the ninja have both lost sight of each other! |
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The picture on NINJA Gordon's NINJA fan is of a NINJA, just in case you forgot that he is a NINJA. |
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Gordon fires his fire extinguisher from his sword. No one in in this scene is on fire, so some might say it's Gordon's subtle way of saying that Bad Guy is hot. Personally, I think people like that should stop basing their claims of other people's sexuality on their facial hair. |
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Gordon's plan to blow strange smoke from the hilt of his sword seems to work, because Bad Guy has dropped his sword! Uh oh! |
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Y helo thar! |
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I'm not sure if Gordon has thrown a shuriken in Bad Guy's stomach yet, but let's say he has, because my mouse is pissing me off. |
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"I am the ninja champion!" professes Gordon as he walks off into the sunset. |
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Actually, since the fight takes place in the middle of the day, there is no sunset for Gordon to walk off into. So I guess he's just gone back to work. Or to kill a rhino. |
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