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On February 9th 2001 it was my privilege to dine with Dr. Hannibal Lecter at The Ivy restaurant in Beverly Hills located on Robertson Boulevard near Beverly. The following is a transcript taken from that interview.

Nanci: Dr. Lecter? Do you dine here often at the *IVY RESTAURANT in Beverly Hills located at 113 N. Robertson Boulevard?

Dr. Lecter: Yes. The fish with onions and tomatoes is tremendous. And of course the FAVA beans are cooked to perfection. Julia Roberts eats here at the Ivy located on Robertson near Beverly Boulevard all the time. (pause) I don't like the way that man is looking at you.

Nanci: Oh that guy over there? It's Alec Baldwin. He's depressed because he always has a 5 O'clock shadow.

Dr. Lecter: Perhaps some of my skin cream from "Bed Bath and Beyond Bea Arthur" will cheer him up. How is your Veal Milanese?

Nanci: It's to die for. Really is good. Hey, that looks like Albert Finney! Love his work! I love this restaurant located in Beverly Hills 113 N. Robertson Boulevard. Oh look? Kevin Costner just drove by. Bummer! He didn't stop. Probably didn't have a reservation. The Maitre D'is Robert Downey Jr. who is currently in court ordered re-hab. But don't say anything.

Downey: They just turned Kevin Costner away. It's like you have to bring your Oscar to get in. Last week James Gandolfini showed up with his Golden Globe. The management laughed in his face. It was brutal.

Dr. Lecter: Reservations are hard for most people, but I don't seem to have any trouble. You saw the way I handled the Maitre D', Nanci? You have to be firm with these people. I once ate a chef at Ma Maison because he sauteed my chicken in margarine instead of butter.

Nanci: Bummer! Guess we won't be eating there any time soon.

Dr. Lecter: I fear they've put too much butter on the sauteed brains. How is the Chianti?

Nanci: Oh Hannibal! I'm sorry but I don't drink alcohol. Only Shirley Temples. Alcoholic beverages don't agree with me. I am Irish and Indian and am predisposed to alcoholism and shameless stereotypes. (pause) I had a bad experience years ago when I first moved to Los Angeles. 1979! I left Oskos disco and wandered through the parking lot. The police report said I was trying to start my car with my keys up my ass. It was all a blur. They towed my car after the cavity search. We never did find the car keys. (crying) Oh GOD! I can't talk about it...it was horrible.

Dr. Lecter: Relax Nanci. Have another Shirley Temple. I am a licensed psychiatrist. If you can't talk to me, who CAN you talk to? I don't drink any more either. An ugly experience with the cooking Sherry. (Dr. Lecter began to sob uncontrollably. Like a wussie little baby. I was embarrassed) Her name was Sherry and she was a terrible cook.

Nanci: Thanks Dr. Lecter. Let's talk about your new cook book? I read the introduction by Martha Stewart. I didn't know she likes to cook in the nude. I will have to try that. These FAVA beans are good. Oh look at that. They just turned Sean Connery away. Did you ever?

Dr. Lecter: I'm surprised. Sean Connery is a fine actor. I could understand turning away Michael Caine, but Sean Connery? I will have to talk to the Maitre D' again. Do you have any more of that skin cream with you?

WAITER: Dr. Lecter, would you like some coffee and dessert?

Dr. Lecter: Oh goody goody! Regular for Nanci and Decaf for myself. And here is a gift for you.

Downey: Great! Skin cream. Just what I needed. I was hoping for a hefty tip.

Dr. Lecter: I read the transcripts for "Silence of the Lambchops". Did you ever see the movie "Magic"? About the ventriloquist who kills people? Ann Marget starred in that.

Nanci: DUH! You made me watch it last week for the 12th time. It's a good movie but I don't need to keep seeing it over and over. Geez Hannibal! it's like you are obsessed with that movie.

Dr. Lecter: Hey, isn't that Joe Pesci! I loved "8 heads in a duffle bag"! People often confuse us. (Hannibal broke into his impression of Joe Pesci) "You think I'm a clown? Do I amuse you?" (Pesci didn't think it was funny.)

Nanci: Yeah I remember Frankie the Stand-in thought you two looked alike. I saw the new Cooking with Hannibal poster in your office. Have you finished your new book "Chicken Soup for the Dysfunctional Cannibal"?

Dr. Lecter: The new publisher ate it up. He loved it. Of course we still don't know what happened to the old publisher. Did you try the liver and onions? It's my own recipe.

Nanci: Tastes great. The art work here is magnificent. Hey isn't that Mel Gibson? Oh look! They just turned away Danny DeVito. Wow! These people are cruel.

Downey: Here's your coffee and "Chocolat" Mousse. I gotta be at a Narc Anon meeting in 20 minutes could you two speed it up a bit.

Dr. Lecter: That's very funny............SPEED it up a bit. Have another bottle of skin cream my friend.

Downey: Great! More Skin cream. That should help my self esteem. Not to mention my will to stay in re-hab.

At this point my Dinner with Hannibal started to get a little tense. And then would you believe the power went out. Just what I needed. To be interviewing a recovering cannibal during a power outage. After 10 minutes the power was back on and I couldn't find the waiter. Later I heard on the news he never made it to his Narc Anon meeting.

Dr. Lecter invited me to brunch the next morning at his lovely Beach front house. Sausage and Scotch eggs. Okie Dokie!

Dr. Lecter reading Who Whacked Uncle Vito? He said it was Okie Dokie!

Camping with Hannibal

Hannibal Lecters favorite spot for relaxation and goody goody.....Cavalier Inn at San Simeon Beach.

*I apologize for the shameless plug, but this was the only way Dr. Lecter and I could get a table at the IVY restaurant at 113 N. Robertson Boulevard near Beverly on such short notice.

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