| Cousin's Corner!!!! |
| By: Ryan Mclean, My cool cousin! |
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| Well, it's been awhile but once again I am back with another edition of Cousin's Corner. Now I was sitting here trying to think of what I could write about this time. Then it came to me. There are many kinds of different languages in life. You got Japanese, Chinese, Yiddish, Spanish, Latin, Mexican, and even Pig Latin just to name a few. Those languages can be sorted out and understood with time, but what about the languages that nobody has been able to decode yet. Today I give some examples. Today I decifer the language of Mental Patients. Yes Mental Patients. They have a language all their own and today I share that beautiful language with you. Now when you're talking to an insane person, the common thought process is that they are crazy in everyway. Not true. These people may speak crazy and act like they have no clue, but in reality they may just be smarter than sane people. Here are some translations. "My poop stinks and I pissed my pants"...... This is a common phrase in many mental wards as well as old folks homes around the world........ Translation: "Welcome, may I offer you some food maybe a drink?" "A Cow tried to milk me last night"..... Surprisingly this is more common a phrase than one might think in a mental ward. It is one of the more popular phrases...... Translation: "All I have left is powdered milk in the cupboard." "Aliens abducted me, and probed me in my cornhole".....Ha Ha Ha this phrase is actually a joke told around the old mental ward watercooler....Translation: "Why did the farmer cross the road? Cause his dick was caught in the chicken"...... Those crazy folks can be crude sometimes. "I love the cubs and they are going to win the world series this year"........... Actually, there is no translation for that. Remember, these people are in mental institutions afterall. "Ducks go moo, cows go quack, dogs go meow, cats go bark, and my fish sing like Elvis"..... This is one of the more difficuly phrases to translate. It isn't heard that often..... Translation: "I went to Harvard and all I got was this damned T-shirt" "Water leaks out of my chair."..........This phrase describes one of the most recognizable professions in the workplace today..........Translation" "I used to be a fireman, but my hose got stuck"..... some phrases you don't really want to probe any further therefore I did not care to know where his hose was stuck. "Wizard of Oz is awesome. The Tin Man is my favorite"...... This sounds normal enough and I would venture to guess most of you would take this word for word. Well wrong, even this has it's own meaning......Translation"Man, whatever happened to the Village People?" Finally, there is one more phrase I would like to share with you....... "Two plus Two equals eight and eight is the number of mailmen mother slept with to try to 'get' me"......Translation:"One plus one equals two and two is actually the number of mailmen it took" There you have it, I have just helped many of you learn a brand new language. In time you will learn to understand the mentally disturbed a little better, but I have given you a start. Remember, they are just like you and me only slower and out of their mind on drugs and electroshock therapy. This has been another edition of Cousin's Corner. Hope you enjoyed it. Y'all come back now ya hear? Ryan |
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