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March '06
December '05
+ Dec. 17
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+ Dec. 5
+ Dec. 4
+ Dec. 3
+ Dec. 2
November '05
+ Nov. 18
// Links Out
This Blog: A Step Into My Life
My day-by-day blog. Ok more like month-to-month. But stick with me.
March 4. 06 [Top]
Hi diary! I'm back. It's been a while huh? I feel for another guy named Yoshi...but I think it broke my heart that he liked another girl. So ^^; I kinda went Tila Tequila for a while. Or...I was into the idea of F2f (Friends to fuck) or friends w/ benifits. Sad part is that I couldn't get one if I tried. Haha. Today was Matt's B-day party. I went partially b/c...ok, I went for the food. Great food there! OMG! Yes!! And...damn I think I started to like another guy now. Wahhhh, will this curse ever end? I'm almost 16, I haven't had a boyfriend, I'm still a virgin, I haven't gotten my first kiss yet, and the list goes on and on. siiiiiggghh. Andrew was his name and...I know I might be fooling myself but I kept catching him looking at me...or maybe it was the other way around? Haha. Probably the 2nd one. Well, quiet down my racing heart b/c I'll probably stay boyfriendless till 40. Maybe I pissed God off in my past life or sumthing. I swear it's a curse I tell ya! Lol for most of the time, I kept on saying things that some guys interprented differently, or I missheard stuff. Haha check some of them out.This was when I was eating the icecream cake w/ cherries and whip cream.
Note: I was about to take the first bite before the b-day boy but then someone reminded me the tradition and I spat out the cherry.
Me: Omg...this is so hard!
John: Rachel...don't ever say that again. Especially from you.
Andrew: Haha, you wanna know what she said that stuck in my head? When she said: "I didn't bite the cherry" and "I didn't swallow the whip cream yet."
-Mins later-
Me: OHHHHH! Haha, I get it!
Matt: -_____-;; siiigggh
Note: For those that are slow like me. Cherry = first time sex...I think. And Whip Cream =...you know! The guy stuff...yeaaah.
-----Another Convo------
Me: Billabong....hmmm I've been seeing that brand name everywhere! Omg, did that store just move into the mall?
John: What the hell? How long has it been there? Where have you been Rachel?
Daniel: In a void.
John & Andrew: Haha.
------This is where I missheard it. I thought he said "Under a boy"------
Me: What? No I'm still a virgin! And I haven't even gotten my first kiss yet...
The Guys: 0_____o;;; ----> xDDDD HAHAHHA!
Andrew: WTF? HAHAHA!! Did you hear what she said? That was so random. We were talking about in a void and then she pops up with "OMG I'M A VIRGIN!" Haha!
-insert hysterical laughter for 10000000 mins-
Me: Oh!! I thought he said under a boy! I mean...it sounds the same right? Right? In a void...under a boy?
DANCING =D on Dec 17. 05 [Top]
First REAL day of winter break. Oh man, I'm so happy. Even though my teachers gave me A **** LOAD of homework, ^^ it's still break. Seriously, I think I would've broken down without one. Since I didn't really update this week, let's review it.Oh oh, on Friday, I went to the mall to see Narnia with the Youth Group. I went an hour early and I saw Bui there w/ a girl. So you can TOTALLY imagin my reaction, heartbroken? Haha, the silly thing is, once I walked past them, who were sitting down on a bench, I couldn't bring myself to pass them again once I was bored of that section of the mall. And they were sitting right smack dab in the center of the walkway. So I spent like...30 minutes in a shop wondering what to do. Well thank God I finally got tired BORED of standing there wondering around in a underwear shop and I went pass them w/o them noticing. I ran into Jugg again, who in the beginning, told me that Bui was with a girl. And this time...he kinda spent a good deal of time trying to make me feel better. Then I saw Jonathan Wong. (Old friend of Bui's. Goes to my church...cute and a ladies man. Knows I like Bui...gah.) So of course we start goofing off and comparing height. I get peeved cuz I USED to be taller than him. And I was like, come on Jonathan! Lets go meet Bui, he's here! So we walk back and theres like a little reunitation and as we talked, Jonathan was talking to Bui's girl...who I later found out was just a friend...stupid me. Jonathan kinda led the girl away from Bui and he was looking at me from over her shoulder like *WILL YOU PUT A MOVE ON HIM ALREADY?! I DID MY PART!* I looked back at him like *WTF ARE YOU THINKING? NO i CAN'T! Gah! HELP ME! I'M TOO SCARED!* but I finally got my wits together and started to talk to Bui...after what? 3 weeks? Yeah, I was always too scared to talk to him. But it made me realize, that it was super stupid of me b/c its really easy to talk to him. Well as we talked more and more church ppl came in.
I FINALLY show Lillian who Bui was. Wanna know her comments? I don't seem to be the person to like that kind of guy. And if I do, she knows a guy like Bui who would be better for me. But since I wouldn't go well with a guy like Bui, she told me that I would go great with Jonathan Wong. I "flirt" too much with him alright. Pshhhh. W/e Lillian. Lol we would go great b/c we're the right height, and we seem to compliment each other. I laughed at her and she said I was in denial. Uh huh.
But I couldn't help but think...what if she was right? I mean, during the movie, Jonathan sat w/ us and I wasn't too bummed out about Bui anymore. And I kept on glancing at Jonathan. >____< I had one of those urges to just like, hug him really tight during the movie....ok I had ALOT of urges. And the only time I have those urges...is when I'm around Bui. 0____o NO NO! I WILL NEVER LOVE EVER AGAIN! YOU KILLED IT BUI!
Lmao, oh you should hear this. While we were walking to talk to Bui (in the beg.) I started to tease him about being a ladies man and how he once dated Noelle. (Ex friend of mines, a big bitch who's a workaholic, has a new bf.) I told him he could've done WAY better but he needed to turn up the charm. Jonathan said he only needed his face and his heart. I told him you needed a brain too. Then he said, that if he wanted to, he could get me. I laughed at him too and he said something else but >___< I couldn't hear it. I didn't press it since we made eyecontact with Bui.
Working My ___ Off on Dec 12. 05 [Top]
Nothing new really, this one subsitute teacher gave me an attitude tho...I wanted to flip him off so badly. >___< But I just got off my suspension so no more stunts like that till senior year. Well it was a good day, until Seko decided to yell at me...for doing bad on the essay tests. I was never good at those. *sigh* Oh yeah I got this one buisness card from Nigel that gives me a place where I can go to get like PSPs for $25. Its in a LA alley somewhere. They're probably all stolen tho.I might be a little parinod but I think one of my friend that's a girl is using me to get into the group I'm in. Hmmm...yeah I'm probably just overreacting, I get it from my dad. I was working on lyrics during AP Euro today, I usually write best when I'm in the room. xD As soon as I get that acoustic guitar for x-mas, I want to start writing up music to go along with those lyrics. I'll put up the lyrics later tho.
-Rant For the Day-
Its been so long since I updated this thing. Man I've been so busy lately. I got suspeneded on Wens. and Thurs. for harassing a teacher thru the school computers. >___< It was only a joke! Don't flip out on me. Jez. Yeah I wasn't too happy about that. So I was subjected to work, work, and more work for that teacher which literally took me those whole two days just too finish all that work. AND I have to do in-class essays and more homework than the rest of the class. On the flip side, maybe it'll help me with my SATS. You know...more work=>more knowledge? Ok maybe not since its more like busy work. FUCK! I HATE THIS.
fR3aKiNg 0uT on Dec 6. 05 [Top]
Its noon right now at school...kinda annoyed at the fact that my teacher is making me do so much crap right now. Have to run next period, not so happy about that either. Essay today in Euro, noooo! Something about the Causes of the French Revolution.Wonder how Bui and John are doing right now.
Vacent on Dec 5. 05 [Top]
I am so tired today. There was a chapter test for Ap Euro and 2 chapter tests n a in class essay for AP Bio. Work up at 6 am to study for Bio. Cramming ya know? Then I went to sleep for like 15 minutes and then to school. Ditched PE to study Euro stuff. I feel like kneeling over and dying right now. @_@ Then I found out I forgot all my Enlish homework at home so I'm like, SHIT THIS SUXS! There goes like...3 hours down the drain and no credit. This is seriously not my day. I totally bombed the essay. Dud how the hell do you cram like 2 chapter tests, and an essay into LESS THAN AN HOUR?! My teacher is crazy!Parents are getting suspicious of my quarter report card. It hasn't come...since I took it. I'll have to plant it back into the mail tomorrow...omg my parents are so gonna rag on me.
On the flip side, I'm starting to stop liking Bui. Five months of liking my crush and it still hasn't gone anywhere. Oh well. I feel bad for John b/c his "love" rejected him...again. This is like what...the 10000th time? Poor guy. Meanwhile, I have a geometry and english project to finish. On top of that, my AP classes...I'm not doing so hot in either of those classes. Bleh. Someone save me. I find myself daydreaming fantasies more and more often. You know, where the hero battles a evil guy, wins, and the love of her life proffesses his undying love for her. Well, I gotta find some way to entertain myself right?
Adding on Dec 4. 05 [Top]
Church today, had some "interesting" questions for some of my teachers. I wanted to bring a friend to Christ, but he said there was something in the Bible he didn't like. Lets just say when I asked my teachers what to say to him, they all turned red. Ahaha, it was so funny. Had to go watch a Drama thing at school today for extra credit. I think that the only reason why people actually came was for the extra credit. But it was actually really good. Hung out with Meika afterwards at Wendys. Had to run back to school tho. Bad idea running right after eating Chillie. Feel like hurling right now. Inspired by an interesting convo I had with my friend Richard, I made a new page. =) You can read the convo that inspired me there.Up-dating on Dec 3. 05 [Top]
Nothing really interesting today. Nice Saturday tho. Still on lockdown. Its been...like 2 months now. My grades are going nowhere fast so it doesn't look like I'll be getting off this lockdown until...hmmm 3rd quarter. Great. I hate this. Parents are out right now. I went out to Stater Bros. to buy more food. Need more $$$. I want to go see the drama show my school is hosting today, I get extra credit for it. Then chill with a couple friends afterwards. I added two more pages to this site. Maybe I can get hosted somewhere or do some link exchanging.Rachel bitching on Dec 2. 05 [Top]
Pep Rally today and load of fights afterwards. AP Euro teacher still mad at us. I swear, he never stops PMSing. Progress with Bui 0%. There was a rally at school today. Afterwards there were 3 fights thats broke out, that were only girl participants. And then 5 afterwards with people that ran into each other wanting to see the fights. Bunch of idiots. Lunch was cut short 10 mins b/c of all the fights. I spent a good part of it dodging the SIA's (Something like guards at Gahr) and teachers who were blocking the way to the Quad I wanted to get to to my friends. Ok I was trapped in the 1st Quad after the rally where all the fights were happening. I wanted to get out as soon as I can b/c of logical reasons. The SIA's being idiots blocked all pathways into the 2nd Quad. And this was what I had to go 1st Quad -> 2nd Quad -> into 3rd Quad. I was kinda playing James Bond for a couple minutes there. I slipped past like 4 SIA's just to get to the group. They wouldn't frigg'n let me thru. They kept telling me to go the other way. (and the other way was guarded by ANOTHER SIA.) So when they were distracted by other people, I'd slip past them.
-Lunch-
Chris was teasing me.
-Rant For the Day-
Omg, I'm so angry at a friend of mines named Jugg. I HATE him. I don't know why but a majority of Flip. people at my school judge their social status by how many friends they hang out with. And if a person says hi to them, they're already like "best friends". I just figured that hes one of those people today. Anyways lately he's been interested in the group of junior guys I chill with. He told me about a month ago he doesn't like his group anymore. But thats not the point. It was like...one or two days ago where he came into my group and interrupted my conversation with my friends. Then he asks me "So who's the guy you like?" Alright pause. REWIND! Jugg has been stalking me for the past week or so. He said he passed by the group a couple times before. Then commented about how ugly some of the guys were. I was like....wtf? Anyways, I told him to go away. Naturally, I was a bit uncomfortable with him just popping out of NOWHERE and asking me that question...especially in that loud voice. Besides, half/one-third the group knows and when they decide to tease me about me liking Bui, they usually go on FOREVER. So I pulled him away to talk to him. I kept refusing to tell him and then he says to me that he'll go ask the whole group if I don't. Great...now I have to tell him. And even BETTER my friends were looking at me like "Wtf?" since they were trying to hear our conversation, and I had a look of disguest/annoyance on my face. It's pretty hard to get me annoyed. But I got him to go away. Thank God.
Alright back to today. (Yeah, that last paragraph was just some bg info. =) He tells me in PE he's going to come to my group, make friends with Bui, and then tell him that I like him. First off, I'm completely pissed off AGAIN. Second, how dare he come and butt his ass into MY business? Third, I was angry at his stupidity at thinking its going to be easy to make friends and his want to cause me annoyance. I told him that Bui already knows. DUH. And that he's just not going to fit in. I was made friends with the social part of the group during the summer but in my freshman year I was friends with some other people in that group too. So therefore, I could do some group hopping since I already know a 1/4th of the group. I ask him why and he gives me that dumbass answer "Just because." I tell him "Your gonna make a fool out of yourself." And you wanna know what that ***** idiot tells me? "Well you made a fool out of yourself when you joined that group for the guy you like." I was kinda shock, angry, hurt maybe? Shock at his stupidity since I already had a good number of friends from that group. Angry at him calling me names and just pissing me off. And hurt because this was MY friend calling me a fool. What a jerk. I calmed down before I blew up at him and asked if what his friends were in the group. He was said something about a Joe and Josh (John's brother. They're both part of the non-social group). My anger got the better part of me and I told him that they didn't matter and asked him if they were REALLY his friends. (I knew a thing or two about the majority of the Flip ppl at my school.) Then the teacher made me switch spots with someone b/c I was talking too much.
During snack, he was true to his words. I saw him sitting next to Josh. (They were sitting down not talking to the rest of the group.) I made eye contact with him and he waves to me. OOookkk. While I was talking to some friends he comes up to me and starts trying to play with me by poking me in the stomach. Since I'm supremely ticklish I unwillingly laugh but continue to ignore him for the rest of the day. he eventually left. But I'm still really made at him for calling me a fool. A fool for loving Bui? I may be. But as I was being a fool, I met new friends, grew into a better person in a matter of months, and it chased away some of my major insecurities. If this is what I get for being a fool, I'd choose to be a fool anyday
Nov 18. 05 [Top]
I guess he finally accepted it...since his stupid friends, who I told, somehow convinced him. No wonder why he's avoiding me now. What to do? What to do?Should I: A) Tell the truth. B) DENY DENY DENY! C) Give up on it and leave. D) Hope that God pulls thru.
I feel a little bit lost at the moment, maybe if I slept on the thought. Or maybe if I hoped that if I choose B, he'll return my feelings? Naw I doubt it if he's avoiding me. Oh man, what to doooo? I can't accept C...b/c I don't want to. You know whats ironic about all this? He finds out the day AFTER I finally decide to just make friends. AHHHHH! Why does this always happen to me? Why?! Why?!
Meanwhile, John is mad at me for messing around and saying that we're together. He tells me not to mess with his feelings. I guess I feel guilty, even tho what I said didn't matter to me I guess I might of really upset him. Gotta apologize later.