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Who you are in Christ - conquering the consequences of rejection
One of our most basic needs is to be totally accepted for who we are. But in our fallen world, all of us experience rejection, sometimes from our own parents, siblings, and relatives, and other times from those who we classified as friends or 'significant others'. Consider this list of causes:
manner or timing of conception
rejection in utero
manner of birth, and rejection at birth
baby not bonded to mother
generational (hereditary) factors
factors in the family home
school, teachers and peers
in relationships
within marriage
mid-life crisis (at work and home) - divorce
at work, church, etc.
In each case of rejection, unless we had been totally secure in the eternal acceptance of God for us in Jesus Christ, we would have responded unhealthily and deviated from God's plumbline for our lives. These deviations manifest themselves in emotional attitudes of rejection or rebellion which the following pendulum diagram clearly shows:
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Experience of Rejection or Loss
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Hostility
Conceit
Sophistication
Elation / Deflation
Superiority
Competitiveness
Dominance
Rigidity
Manipulation
Stubbornness
Unteachableness
Delusion
Resentment
Bitterness
Criticism
Control
Possessiveness
Hatred
REBELLION
Pride
(Homicide)
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Sadness
Self-pity
Self-hatred
Depression
Apathy
Inferiority
Failure
Guilt
Shame
Discouragement
Despair
Dimness
Dying
Quenched
REJECTION
Unbelief
(Suicide)
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PLUMB LINE
Faith
(Crucifixion of selfishness)
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[from Bruce and Petranella Litchfield, Christian Counselling.]
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These deviant emotional attitudes then also manifest themselves in behaviour patterns. For example, attitudes of rejection can lead to behaviour such as isolation, withdrawal, immorality in the form of voyeurism and looking at pornography. Attitudes of rebellion can lead to immoral behaviour such as seduction and rape.
Indeed, we can trace visible actions back to underlying attitudes, which themselves have their root problems in character faults and even deeper root issues. The following table illustrates this clearly:
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wrong clothes, broken vows, profanity, dishonesty, disrespect, debt, runaways, wrong music, bad habits, arguments, seduction & flirting, rape, isolation, withdrawal, etc.
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inferiority, anger, fear, worry, rebellion, envy, jealousy, boredom, insecurity, guilt, frustration, depression
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(Derived from the Basic Life Principles Seminar)
When we respond to problems in life in ways which dishonour God, we actually give 'ground in our souls' to the devil. This ground needs to be regained one step at a time.
To overcome these deviant emotional attitudes, which are an expression of false beliefs as to who you are, it is necessary to fill your mind with the truth and also to repent from and renounce false beliefs and behaviours. Please note that we must not resort to rules and regulations to try and get change our emotions (cf Colossians 2:20-23). Emotions are just a symptom of what we believe. We need to begin to think differently, and then as a result of that our behaviour and hence our emotions will change.
What follows firstly is a list of Scriptural truths which any believer in Christ can hold on to. But please note, we do not need to appropriate these truths 'in our own strength'. The best way is to actually ask God to help you understand and really 'see' these truths; ask the Holy Spirit to apply these truths to your mind and being, and ask the Holy Spirit to heal any emotional wounds which may be exposed as you read through the list. I have also found that these truths hit home the most as I am actively worshipping God; as I worship they somehow get truly etched into my being, most probably because I am encountering 'face-to-face' in worship the One who is the embodiment and source of all these truths!
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