As I have said before, I came into chat as a boredom cure. I imagined chat to be a good place to just hang out and talk about anything that came to mind. I imagined intelligent conversation. I imagined discussing different views. I was wrong.
Maybe it was like that, back at the start~I really don't remember. But that's the past, and doesn't matter now. What matters is what it's become. Or maybe, it's always been like this and I was just blind before. Well, my eyes have been opened, for better or worse.
If it's not one thing, it's another. There is always Diner angst of some sort. The "newbies" are becoming increasingly annoying. Yes, we WERE all new once, but these are worse than normal. We were never stupid. I am sick of going into chat and seeing some moron scrolling "ASL???", "Someone talk to me", or my personal favourite "You all suck." It's so thrilling to sit in chat and be endlessly PM'd by people I don't know. I LOVE having to repeat, over and over "Don't PM me." My iggy list has a huge amount of people on it. A lot are newbies who have annoyed me.
Next~everyone talks about their chat "friends". Hell, I did it myself. I imagined I had soooo many "friends" here. Yet..I really don't know all that much about them, and my "friends" didn't know that much about me either. That was on purpose, there are things I have no need or wish to share. We all have things we prefer to keep hidden. And I am no different.
"Friends" are there for each other, right? WRONG. It seems to me that I used to be the Diner shrink. If my "friends" had a problem, I was there for them, to just listen, offer advice or just BE there. Yet, when I truly needed someone, who was there for me? I had a few occasions of talking to "friends", needing advice or just a friendly ear, and yet they went off on their own tangent with their own problems. I understand we all have problems, but those of you that know me, think back..when you came to me with a problem, did I start going on about my own? NO, I didn't, not unless you asked how things were going. Well, here's a news flash. I am sick of being the only one to care. I am sick of being the only one who's always here. I am hanging up my psychiatrist hat, cause if I can't get the same respect, I am not bothering any more. You know, I can think of ONE person who regularly asked how I was, listened to my reply and listened to my problems without bringing his own into it~you know who you are. And I thank you for being you. Which brings me to another point~those of you that were so selfishly consumed with your own life and problems, when you asked how things were going for me, did you truly listen? Or did you just let it go over your head? I believe the latter. None of you notice that things aren't going well for me, until I blow up in the Diner.
"Friends" accept each other the way they are, right? WRONG. I can think of one person immediately who wanted to change me. There were aspects of my personality he didn't like, that he couldn't "fly with". Well, sorry, but I am me, explain to me why I should change to fit YOUR ideal? If I reinvent myself to suit others, well, that has a poor bearing on my psyche and my self~confidence, and that's the one thing I still have..confidence. There are aspects of everyone's personality that I didn't like, but I never tried to change. But I tell you what..there is one thing I have to agree with you about, Mr Try~to~change~me. And thats the "reg" behaviour. It sucks, but believe me, it's not me. You were wrong, and I hope you realise that some time.
The other day, in the Diner, two "friends" had a huge fight. These two have known each other for some time, yet, they had some ridiculous fight, I am not sure about what, and no one else in the diner was sure why either. It was a stupid immature fight and not one that I enjoyed. I suppose I should really thank them for opening my eyes to "friendship" ~ but fuck that. Ever heard the saying "ignorance is bliss"?
I have spent many, many hours in chat..far too many. Perhaps that's what the problem was. Chat burn~out. It was fun at first, thinking I was making all these new "friends"..it's now lost it's appeal. But you know what? I am not bitter. I am not angry. I just don't care any more. I don't care what you all do. I don't care if you all get super~pissed at me for all of this. If you don't like it, don't fucking read it. But hey, I hope this makes you all think. I hope you all sit back and LOOK at what kind of "friend" you have been. Think about yourself. Go back over your attitude to your "friends". Think about what you're missing, what they don't tell you.
It's time to grow up. As someone in chat said to me just the other day, "It's time to go out into the real world where I can take someone's hand and look into their eyes while I am talking to them." I thought you were wrong at the time..I now see you were right.
I put my photo online mainly so that friends could see me. But people look at this site, and then PM me with comments like "you're hot." Well, guess what?? I have a brain too! I have some ability in writing. Yet very few people ever comment on it. How many people even go past the first page with my pic on? I am willing to bet not that many. They don't bother to look at the real me. They see the shell.
My friends here are different. They know me. They have taken the time to look past my image and truly see me. I am not interested in the people who look at my site, PM me with the "you're hot" comment, then invariably "wanna cyber?" NO, I do not. I am not interested in someone that is just going to look at my exterior.
Sure, it's nice to be told you're attractive, but why is that the be all and end all? It shouldn't be, but unfortunately, it is. Watch chat sometime. There is often the question "what do you look like? Do you have a pic?" WHY, especially here, does it matter? If the person you are talking to is not deemed attractive in YOUR eyes, does that mean you can't talk to them? Do they instantly become less intelligent because you don't find them attractive? I think not. If you don't like their looks, YOU lose interest. And that's YOUR problem.
There are many people I talk to and I have no clue what they look like. Nor do I care. I choose the people I talk to purely out of an interest in their intelligence. I recall some time ago, I had been talking to someone for some time, and I knew he had a photo on his profile, but I hadn't bothered to look. Why? Because I didn't care what he looked like. What was important to me was that I enjoyed his company and found him interesting and intelligent. He made me think. He made me laugh. Friends kept telling me to look at his photo, saying he was attractive, and when I finally did look, some time after we had met, he was, but that changed nothing for me. He was still him ~ intelligent, highly amusing, a lot of fun and intriguing to me. Looks should be a bonus, not the only reason for talking to someone.
And it's not just the male~female thing. A woman I know in chat (who is FAR from Cindy Crawford herself), was telling me about some photo of another reg. She told me "Oh, my God, you have to see it, she looks terrible! You have to see what she's wearing, and it doesn't even look like she brushed her hair!" Well, these two people are supposedly friends, yet, she said this about a "friend"? If that's what friends are, then I don't want any. The woman is a lovely, outgoing, fun person. I don't give a damn what she looks like. It's not about to stop me talking to her, and neither should any of you stop.
I was talking to a male friend about this very subject some time ago. He was complaining that women chased him for his looks only. And he hated that. And I don't blame him. I haven't seen his photo, and it doesn't bother me if I never do. He intrigues me, he makes me laugh. I don't care what he looks like, what he does for work, where he lives, how much money he has in the bank or what kind of car he drives~I really don't. Think about it. What's more important? Good looks, or someone you can talk to? Money, or intelligence? A good job, or an interesting personality? Looks fade. Intelligence doesn't. As this friend said to me, "No matter how beautiful a picture is, you can't talk to it."
He's right. Think about it.
Napster, for those of you that don't know, is this kickass, cool site where you can download free MP3's to play on Winamp. Almost any song you could possibly is there, free to download and listen to. The story goes that Metallica got all snooty about their music being free on the web. So, they sued Napster. Unfortunately, Metallica won. In addition, Metallica somehow got the names and IP addresses of people who had Metallica tracks on their hard drive and had them banned from Napster.
Now, I have a few problems with this. The first is the fact that
Metallica got access to people's hard drives. Where is privacy in all of this? How can they be allowed to check people's files? How did they do this? This really makes them seem no better than an everyday hacker.
Secondly is Metallica's motive behind all this. Pure, simple greed. It's all about the dollars. Sure, Napster has a huge amount of people that use it, but Metallica have made millions already out of fans, yet, they are unwilling to let anything go for free.
Sure, artists should get paid for their work. But this is just beyond a joke. There are plenty of artists online who have not objected to their tracks being on Napster.
Think about it. Have you ever taped or burned a CD from a friend? Taped a TV show onto video? Downloaded share-ware from the 'net? Traded PC programs with your friends? This is the same sort of thing. You are gaining something you didn't have to pay for. Yet, you don't see movie companies suing the public or the TV channels for people taping their movies, rather than buying them. It's illogical and money-hungry.
The net is all about information. Free information. Anything you need to know about can be found online with a few keystrokes. If we start the censorship deal, where does it end? Does that mean that newspapers shouldn't post online? You can always read it here instead of buying the paper. What about the TV show sites, like MSNBC? You don't have to watch the show if you can read what it was about online.
I was looking at the MSNBC site recently, and there was a large section devoted to Napster and Metallica. I came across this gem of a quote from the drummer, Lars Ulrich. "We don't make music for the fans. We are not a people band." Well...at least he's honest. Nice to see he admits he's in it for the money. But did he stop to think that the FANS are the ones who made it possible for him to buy his house, support his family?
I use Napster a fair bit. I downloaded a couple of tracks off there from a band called "Velocity Girl". I had never heard of them before this. I listened to the tracks and loved them. I have now ordered the CD to be imported. I can't see any other way I would have heard of this band. Same with Blink. I wasn't a huge Blink 182 fan, as I had only heard "All The Small Things", which I don't like. I started to download other Blink songs, and fell in love with the band. I am now buying all their CD's.
A lot of people who have been banned from Napster have gotten rid of their Metallica collection. And I don't blame them. I am not a Metallica fan and never have been, but if I got banned for having their stuff on my hard drive, I would too. If anyone I listen to does the same as Metallica, I will be using their disks as frisbees.
"Breakfast at Tiffany's".