The topics will change as I think of them. But if you are the sort of closed~mind person that won't listen to others opinions, don't bother reading this. You won't like it.
Understand, while you are reading, that I am not trying to ram my opinions down your throat. Nor am I trying to change your opinions, or preach. Maybe this will end up like a forum page, where different views can be expressed. If your opinion differs from mine..cool! Hunt me down in chat or email me and tell me your view. That's what chat is supposed to be about, right? A bit of harmless fun, sharing views..so share yours with me.
How dare someone make that assumption?? Net relationships are NOT just for people who are desperate, or can't find a relationship closer to home. I will explain later how you can fall in love with someone here, but if you can't be supportive on hearing of a net relationship, at least refrain from being damn rude.
"They don't work"? How do you know? I know of quite a few net relationships that have worked. You can't know that unless you are one of the people in the relationship. Besides there is no guarantee that a "conventional" relationship would work either. Love doesn't offer a guarantee.
"You can't fall in love with someone you don't know". Well, if you don't know the people you chat to for hours on end, then you have some problem. A friend once said "How often do you sit down at home, and chat with someone for one hour, two hours or eight hours?" How often do you contact a friend and spend hours talking to them? How many of you talk to your partner for a few hours? How many talk to your family for the same amount of time? I sit online and there are people I can talk to for HOURS on end. The time flies past and I never notice. There are certain people here, who I feel I really know. I am not giving names, but they know who they are. I have many acquaintances on here, and a few true friends. If the person you are speaking to is honest, there is no reason you should feel you don't know them.
Like any "conventional" relationship, trust takes time to build. It's not likely that you will bare yourself to someone you have just met. And, honestly, I would have to wonder if you did. Over time, you bare more of yourself, little by little, to someone you feel you can trust.
People talk about the safety factor of meeting people on the net. The people on the other side of the screen are people just like you. They are sitting at their computer, probably bored and looking for a way to pass the time. You just have to use your judgement and give personal information out only when you are as sure as possible that they are worthy of it. As for safety on meeting a net friend..how can you be sure you are safe with someone you meet in everyday life? The nice person you meet at the Bar or the Supermarket might be harbouring a nasty secret that you won't discover until too late. People can be not who they seem anywhere at all. Ask the scores of battered, abused spouses that are a product of a bad marriage. I am sure they did not marry with the intent of getting beaten up by someone they love. I am sure they did not know that this would eventuate.
Love can happen anywhere..it doesn't matter if you are at a bar, the store, on the bus or the net. When it's right, you'll feel it, regardless of where you found it. Love doesn't follow rules. Love doesn't take problems like distance into account. If you feel it, you feel it, True love just is.
The biggest problem facing net relationships, could possibly be distance. There are people all over the world in the vast community of cyberspace, and lets face it, while it could happen, finding Mr or Ms Right in your town isn't likely. There is very likely some distance separating the one you care about and yourself. Some people just can't handle the distance..but then you have to wonder..is it love? I can only speak for myself, but I know that I would do whatever it takes to make real love work. No distance could be too great for me, if it was real. Similarly, most other problems can be sorted out with communication. Cliche, I know, but communication is most important.
The thing about net relationships is that it is ALL about the real person. In life, at home, no matter how much you deny it, you have to admit, that a lot of attraction is based on looks. Online, you see words on a screen. Occasionally, you will see photo's sure, but that usually comes after talking for a while. There is not the instant attraction to someone's looks that is most usually lust, not love. Here, you fall for a person's mind, the real person, their soul. You fall for their words. I know what some are going to say here.."they can say anything though". True, they can. Once more, use your judgement. You are not likely to fall in love in one conversation anyway. And by the time you really get to know each other, the truth usually comes out.
Finally..I believe in soul~mates. Very strongly. When you meet that person you will know it, you'll feel that bond. It doesn't matter where you meet them..fate has a kinda quirky sense of humour sometimes. When you feel that strong connection, you won't care if you met them online or down the street.
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
One letter brought this topic to mind once again. I was from a 15~year~old girl in the US, who was having a really rough time of life. Apparently, her father is an alcoholic and she is scared he will hurt one of them, her sister got pregnant at 16 and her mum is sure she is going to end up like either her dad or her sister.
This young girl was in very low spirits. She said that she had considered killing herself and all she needed was someone to listen. She had no one to talk to, that's why she wrote the anonymous letter.
How often do we take the time to truly LISTEN to someone who needs it? All too often, we are so consumed by our own everyday life that we forget that everyone else has problems. We forget that others have problems that are just as bad, if not worse, than our own. All too often, we think our problems are so huge, so insurmountable, that no one else could possibly be worse off than we are. Well, here's a sobering thought..no matter how badly you think your life sucks, someone is ALWAYS worse off. There is always someone in need of a kind ear, of someone to just listen, even if they can't offer a solution.
It is a tragedy when someone feels there is no one to talk to and they choose the route of suicide. There is no turning back from that road. It is a senseless waste of life. There is no blame being apportioned here, because no one is to blame. But if you know anyone who took their own life, just stop and think for a moment. Were there any clues there? Any indication that life wasn't holding much appeal? Any change in their demeanor? If you see anything different at all, MAKE the time to listen. Make them talk. Tie them down if you have to. Sometimes, all someone needs is someone to give a kind word and an "Are you all right? Do you want to talk?"
I don't want to sound callous here, but suicide is the coward's way out. That is truly the only way to look at it. You don't hurt yourself, you hurt your loved ones, the ones who are left behind. There is much more courage in staying to face your problems. There is much more courage in trying to figure out your problems. But don't EVER make the mistake of not asking for help. Sometimes people just need to be told that you're not coping. Only a truly horrible person will turn down someone in need of an ear.
But finally, if you have lost a loved one to suicide, don't make the mistake of blaming yourself. Often, the idea is already set. If you blame yourself, all you will do is be tempted to choose the same path yourself. And that doesn't work. If they don't want you to know they are unhappy, you will never know. But by the same token, you have to try. If you never try, and god forbid, it happens, you will never forgive yourself.
