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| A Standing Ovation For: 1. Pippin's Song; not only was Billy Boyd's voice beautiful, but he also composed the melody to compliment Tolkien's poem. 2. Flotsom & Jetsom; a scene beloved by many Tolkien-Dorks, I was ever-so pleased that it was so by the book, pun intended. 3. Shelob; so well done that it was the 4th time I saw the movie before I wondered how she was constructed. Pretty freakin' life-like to me. 4. Sean Austin; yet AGAIN acting well-enough for both Frodo & Sam. I heard that Peter Jackson was brought to tears when filming the "I can't carry it for you but I carry you" scene. So was I. 5. David Wenham as Fairimir; sewn into my heart by the extended edition of Two Towers, I keep getting ridiculously choked up when Fairimir asks if Denethor wishes that he were dead instead of Boromir. "If I should return, think better of me, father." *tear* 6. The Long End; despite the whinning I've heard about the long ending, I am more than satisfied with Peter Jackson's choice to nearly follow the book's essential throw back to the Shire. It MUST NOT be forgotten that the trilogy, above all else, is about Hobbits. 7. Hot Lips Finally; I don't know about you, but I've been shifting through over ten hours of film for that fabulous passionate kiss between Arwen and Aragorn. Four words, HELL YEAH! Me next? 8. Just the film in general! A fantastic way to end the best fantasy trilogy of all time. Sorry Star Wars fans, but in light of George Lucas' determination to fart on his life's work, Jackson's LOTR is far above comparison. |
| *Ahem (I always get so excited to write this section): Here's where there is nothing left to say but, "WHAT THE F@CK?" 1. FLAMING FREE-FALLING DENETHORS Okay Mr. Jackon, way to take one of the most emotional parts of Tolkien's novel and turn it into something not just laughable but recockulous. I mean, honestly, did he really need to throw himself off the top? Personally, it resembled something much more like NYC during the Great Depression than Middle Earth and the suicide of a Father, guilt-ridden over his mistreatment of his son. Hm, I offer no explanation. Sorry. 2. SARUMAN SHAFTED YET AGAIN What? Am I really supposed to except that Saruman is not dealt with in the second movie only for him to get shafted in the third? I realize by the bad cutting that they obviously intend to reinsert his closure for the extended edition, but I am more than peeved that this was cut. Come on, don't you want to see Gandalf teleconnetically crush Saruman's staff? 3. NEAT BUT RIDICULOUS BEACONS Great idea and cinematically done to perfection, sort of, yet the believability factor dropped like twenty IQ points with that one. Maybe it is just me: eagerly awaiting the defeat of a monstrous spider, an all-seeing all-knowing rooftop eye of fire (which more readily resembles a flaming vagina) and a band of 500,000 orcs, give or take a million, than I am ready to believe that those things spontaniously combust and/or are set ablaze by patriotic mountain men that live on rock-jagged peaks. I may have gotten carried away; simply put I thought that the lighting of the beacons was kind of dumb. 4. BADASS GLOW STICK Yeah...bout that. Those statues guarding the city "full of enemies," while strangely resembling something out of Ghostbusters, were pretty eery. What wasn't scary was the whole building turning into a Halloween leftover neon green glow stick. And I thought there weren't any lightsabers in this movie...shame on me. 5. ELVES SHOULDN'T BE WEIRD LOOKING I know I'm being petty now, but the elf with the line to Arwen in the forest is the ugliest elf I have ever seen. Naughty casting agents! |
| An actually humorous forward entitled: THINGS TO DO WHILE WATCHING THE RETURN OF THE KING 1. Stand up halfway thorugh the move and yell loudly, "Wait...where the hell is Harry Potter?!?" 2. Afterwards say, "Lucas could have done it better." (Sure fire suicide method in New Zealand.) 3. Ask the nearest Ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts. 4. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson." 5. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stars. 6. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck. 7. When Denthor lights the fire shout, "BARBEQUE!" 8. Every time someone kills an Orc yell, "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre. 9. Talk loudly about how you heard that there's a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie. 10. When they go through the paths of the dead, wait for a tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!" 11. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would sound like. 12. When Shelob comes on exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!" |