Home Work School Stuff RPG Links Guestbook Pictures About me Rólam ="AboutMe" in Hungarian
" ...for words are but a poor excuse for what one feels"
As you could read in the lifestory section: it's not big art. They weren't ment to be(come) part of anthologies (except for 1: Magyaroknak = To Hungarians). Their purpose was to get emotions out of me... but more importantly, so that I would remember them. Those who know me know that my memory is catastrophic. Yes, I am _capable_ of forgetting things like this. This is a little memoir ...for myself.
Part of my diary.

Just one thing I'd like to note about the page: the parts in lighter color... mean that that's really not what I wanted to say, and / or I am dissatisfied with the rhymes, etc, and I'm going to correct them once, but for that I need inspiration (rather, the same mood).		 Az élettöri oldalon olvashattátok: nem nagy művészet. Nem műremeknek készültek (kivéve 1-et: Magyaroknak). Arra szolgáltak, hogy kiírjam magamból az érzelmeket... de méginkább arra, hogy később emlékezzek rájuk. Aki ismer, tudja, hogy a memóriám katasztrofális. Igen, _képes_ vagyok elfelejteni ilyeneket. Ez itt egy kis emlékeztető ...magamnak. Részei a naplómnak.

Annyit még megjegyzek az oldallal kapcsolatosan: ami világosabb színekkel van írva... az azt jelenti, hogy állatira nem ezt akartam ott mondani, és / vagy a rímek nem tetszenek, és még ki fogom javítani, de ahhoz ugyebár ihlet (pontosabban ugyanolyan hangulat) kell.
Utca (Strasse)

Keserédes boldogságom,
Hogy látom: Te is gyötrődsz
Hibáztunk, ó Drágaságom!
Jobb, ha te is beletörődsz.
Én már látom: Ez döntetlen.
Nincs harcunknak nyertese...
Választani lehetetlen:
Én nem nyertem... de te se.

                     Desdemona - 2001 máj 6.
True blue too...
For being there in my time of need
For helping me out of there indeed
For not leaving me when near was the end
...That's why I call you my true blue FRIEND.
Desdemona, 2000
Plight of the Light

In the wake of my self-burning life
You were the darkness and I was the light.
Two souls of pure black and white
We pledged till death would constantly fight.

Our weaponry changed with the passing of time
I would use yours and you would use mine.
Love that is bodily and love that's divine
You would rape my love, and I would rape thine.

Now I'm defeated -- although I have won.
You were destroyed and my will was done.
I have no regrets: What should, must come:
Light and shadow are two parts of one...
Either both live; or there can be none.

There is no more shadow - only light
No use for a candle when there's no night.
I am defeated. I lost all my might:
Without the dark, I know not what's bright.

                      Desdemona - 2003 (?)
Visszatérted
Én hallottam sírni azt, ami már nem volt
Könyörögve felnyögni azt, ami már megholt
Éreztem, ahogy egy gyémánt szilánkjaira tört
Megrepedt jégszívem majdnem megint megölt
Vér bugyogott fel a kristályos mélyből
Jégkásás, kocsonyás, dermedt vér a kéjből
Pattanásig feszülve üvöltött minden idegem:
Vegyem észre már, hogy rámtört valami idegen
Adrenalint okádott minden egyes sejtem
Vagy honnan volt erőm, mégcsak nem is sejtem
Dübörögve rohant el a kiszakadt lelkem
Hiába kerestem, soha meg nem leltem.
Ott álltam kínok közt, egy aprócska széncsomag
Lángoló könnycseppek égették arcomat
"Hitevesztett, szárnyaszegett fekete-angyal
Az őrület szélén, szél hátán nyargal"
Sírták keseversen, s könyörögtek énnekem:
Hagyjam abba tébolyodott, végtelen sós énekem
De már nem hallok és nem is látok
Kábultan nézek. Zsibbadok. Várok.
És te kimondod megint... még EGYSZER kinevetlek
Aztán összeesem holtan. Látod? Viszontszeretlek.
Te szegény. Sajnállak. De most már minden mindegy,
S boldogít a tudat, hogy csak egyszer ölhetsz meg.
(Reboot)

I sit in this room
Searching for might
I think of my doom
It might come tonight

I know I was born
And I know when I died
My spirit's been torn
From my fragile mind

I hear the rock looking
And I see the time scream
Somebody is cooking
My frozen bloodstream

          Desdemona - 2003/2
Desdemona, 2002, március
Desdemona sír

A könnycseppek simogatnak a legselymesebben
Édesdeden cirógatnak egyre kellemesebben
Legfinomabban, tudd meg, a sós víz csókol
Tested, lelked benne egybeforrva hódol
Lelked sajgására a legjobb ír nem más
Mint a mindent elsöprő, könyörtelen fejfájás

                 Desdemona - 2002 nov 11
This baby's gotta tamper

Emotions, a flood
Your soul. I could...
The look - the pain
The hurt = the gain
You play the game
Again. Again.

My body you hold
My soul I sold
I feel so cold
I feel so cold

You touch - I bleed
The words I dont heed
I bleed. I bleed.

        Desdemona - 2002 spring/summer.
Magyaroknak

Oly mindegy, hogy mi az ihlet!
Egy szó, egy kép, egy érzelem
Vagy bármi, amit meg nem érthet
Az emberi értelem.

Haldoklik az irodalmunk...
Lehelj belé életet!
Bővítsd, Művész, birodalmunk...
Diák, írj magyar éneket!

                       Desdemona - 2001, dec 17
Deviant Heights

In building-block houses, when acid rain falls
In times when Heaven is full of empty halls
The angels beg us but we don't heed their calls
We don't have the courage, we don't have the balls
To admit the lost sight among neon lights
We all had our dawns dusked, and now it's all nights
We know we were wrong, we all had our rights
It's a long way to fall from the devious heights.
And then there's the smallprint: it's part of the deal
I wish I could show them and make them feel
The anger, the fear that inertia won't heal
Is what I see real? Infernal? Ethereal?
Those angels still plead but they're drowned by the moans
That reeks to the streets from the building-block homes.
And now it is time to return all the loans:
The world that God gave, what Satan now owns.
The trumpets are sounding! Do you not hear?!
Our ego's astounding: we do not fear
The weeping, armed angels as they draw near
With burning swords to destroy what was dear.
And the Good, the Bad are stripped of their shell
They get what they worked for until the last bell.
We get what's deserved, what we earned well:
Sit alone in Heaven, your personal Hell.
"Because in the end, yuo are all on your own:
It's what's in your heart, and not what you own."
I know it is over! I'm left all alone...
I only wake to finish my tombstone.
Szégyen

Minden egyes könnyemmel lejjebb és lejjebb csúszok
Saját vérem tükörképének szégyenében úszok
Mert minden egyes cseppben ott csillog a vád ellenem
Fehér zászlót! Feladom. Tiéd vagyok, Szerelmem.

                                    Desdemona - 2001 Dec 17.
Gyűlölet
(Szerelem)

És szánalmas, hogy mennyire örülnék,
Ha most akárcsak melletted lehetnék.
Gyűlölöm magam, mert most is sírok:
Most sem tudlak kitörölni, most is írok!
Harag s gyűlölet kavarog, forrong bennem,
Csak azt nem érzem tisztán, melyikünk ellen
S jól tudom, hogy csakis én vagyok a  hibás
Ezt megelőzni én tudtam volna senki, senki más.
Kettőnk közül - hittem - én leszek erősebb
De a hatalom, mi legyőzött ezerszer ősebb...
Ó, nem rólad van szó, te szánalmas hím...
Csak eszköze vagy annak, ami most alcím.

                                  Desdemona - 2001 nyara
Desdemona- 2005, June 25th.
Together
I asked God for you, for it was you I wanted:
The one and only thing not granted.
He looked at you and said something sad...
He said that you weren't good enough... he said that you are "bad"
I took a step back, "This is nonsence. How could that be?
If you won't I'll look for someone else who'll give him to me."
And so I did. I looked for someone else with the power of the Divine...
...And this is how it all started... how I lost this soul of mine.
I found blackness himself, and this is what he said to me
Grinning with an evil smile "He shall be granted to thee"
But he wanted something in return for his service
He said this whole thing was sort of like a purchase.
So I gave him my life on Earth, including my body
And turned away from Him, the only true Holy.
And he, the blackness, did pay up for his fee...
I did recieve you... You did come to me.
And we almost got together, but this was just a lure
He asked for more if I wanted to get you... he asked for something pure.
But I had nothing else to give... No, wait. I had my soul to sell...
And that I did give... I couldn't resist you... So now, I guess, I'll see you in Hell.
Saiph - 2001, march.
From your creation
(Clear conscience)
Lense

If you can't enjoy life, you're not here to stay
Go sharpen your knife, or throw it away
Why see only the death an dthe pain?
Why go over it again and again?
The mind is rotten. The body is rough.
The world is broken. It's scary enough.

                    Desdemona - 2004, jan 24.
...
But you'll like it, I swear, you will too.
You'll thank me for everything I do.
And I know I won't be able to halt
This cruel game I play with your heart.
...And yes, I'm disgusted, I'm ashamed...
But see, it's _you_ I've always blamed.
Bells After Midnight

I sit, I wait, there is no reply
Here stalks the body you set out to buy
Deep inside this makes me groan
That's okay, once more I've grown
I ran, I hid, I never cried
I can't forgive - I never tried
I wanted to tell you. "Type Message Text"?
Widowed anew. This, then, came next.

                  Desdemona - 2004, jan 28
Suffer. It's your fault. You're to be blamed.
Desdemona (2001. March 14)
Sacraficed wraith

I had a dream last night
It was a sream - cast plight
We had the steam blast right
Its end has been past rite
I had a dream last night

You let them call me there
You led the fall, beware
The altar, bed, the skin bare
I fed them. All. See where.
You led the fall, beware.

At three a.m, at five o'clock
Awake I am; alive the shock
Kill me, damn, with all my mock
End this, man, so I can stalk
Kill me, damn, with all my mock

I wasn't a virgin, you knew that well
Why sacrifice me? You never did tell
Every witch receives a last spell
What mine was, I'll tell you in Hell.
What mine was, I'll tell you in Hell.

      Desdemona - 2004. Nov 1.
Love me or lemme

And I started breathing, but wanted to die
I did not want to live in this lie
And the sadness, oh, I just want to fly
Let me die... no, please do not cry!
I love you. Listen. It's in my sigh.
If you can't hear it, look in my eye.
I love you. Love me... then let me die.

               Desdemona - 2001, august 14.
Wife
(small quote)

I guess I am evil... It's all the same:
I rejected my morals to not go insane.
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