He never left me
He stayed with me
The whole time
I was just weezing at first
But then I coughed up blood
And he ran for help
He kept me in site though
Like he knew I would need him soon
I wish he was here now
So he could hold me again
Just to make me safe inside
And make the pain go away
Like he did before
But he was just standing there,
And I felt like I was floating
The world was off in space
And it was just him and I
But when I saw the lights
I got scared
Because I knew it was serous
I couldn't believe it
I could die
At any moment
But he just kept on looking at me
Making sure I was okay
He didn't care
If they told him to stay behind
He refused to
He pushed his way in
To be with me
They told him to leave
More then once
Almost a thousand times now
But he wouldn't leave me
Not now
Never again
He knew I needed him there
He could see it in my eyes
I lost control
Of my eyes
And I just let the close
I could feel the doctors
Cold hands
On me
But his...
Was so warm
It almost burned me
Compared to the doctors
I could feel his warmth
Suddenly my leg
Started to shake
I could feel him trying to hold it down
So they won't force him out
But they saw it
And forced him out
All I could hear
Fron then on
Was the nurse in the hallway
Explaining to him
"Your friend in there...
She might not be okay later,
You can see her after their done.
They are the best.
She will be fine soon."
Then him saying...
"She's not just my friend.
She's my partner
I love her.
I was going to marry her
Someday.
I want to be with her.
She hates being alone
With a bunch of stranger.
Why can't I be in there with her?!?!"
I could hear the tears go down his face.
The doctors kept on telling me
To just wake up.
But I refused to.
I wanted him in there.
They still wouldn't let him in
My chest began to hurt
Extreme pain this time
Then the machine went off
Beep, beep, beep.
I felt the floor shake
From him jumping up
To save me
From them hurting me more
But the nurse
Just told him to sit down
I'd be fine later...
Just to calm down
He just wanted to be with me
He wouldn't let him
He began to cry
I wanted to make him stop
I love him
I wanted to be with him...
No one would let me
Get out of bed
My eyes wouldn't open
My heart pounded
Until they moved me
Into another bed
Put a mask on me
I could still hear the nurses voice
"Hunnie, they're bringing her
To the ICU.
Then to surgry
Her heart is really bad now
She needs emergency surgry.
If you will follow me.
I'll help you.
To the waiting room."
I could almost feel his pain
In me.
His tears go down his cheeks
His hands touching his hair
The nurses hand on his back
When I awake
In the bed
He was next to me
With Jane and Tags
I couldn't believe it
He had called them
Just to be there
I could tell
They were all afraid
I was going to go
With Harley and DJ
I couldn't talk
My voice was gone
I just began to tear
As they did as well
The nurse came in
And told them to leave
They were upsetting me
He told her to go
Suck a monkey's butt.
Jane and Tags just laughed
I just coughed really hard.
Suddenly my eyes were shut
I could hear feet running in
My heart was pounding
As it has before
He woulnd't leave
He was holding Jane now
She was crying
Really hard
Tags was just tearing.
He was being a man
Holding it all in
The nurse asked them to leave again
Jane, and Tags sat on a chair
Next to the wall
But he just stood there
As if he were a dead stachue.
Tears ran down his cheeks.
And the light began to take over my mind
I couldn't get the image of his face out
Or of Jane and Tags
Suddenly I could see DJ and Harley
And Jennie and Allie.
And Susan.
I felt like a child again
Seeing all of them
But I could still hear...
Jane tearing into His sholder.
Tags asking the nurse...
"Is she going to be okay?"
Then the nurse tearing up
And saying
"Were not sure yet...
They are going to bring her back
Into surgry, and check it out
Find out what went wrong.
We almost have no
Answers at this point.
I am so sorry to tell you that."
When she's alone
At night
She gets shakie
Her eyes begin to blur
And her mind goes hazzie
She's not sure
What to do now
No one is home
It's too late to call
She's in a panic
One of her friend's call
It's Jane
She's crying
She's in the E.R.
She had a heart attack
She's really scared
Her chest still hurts
They gave her meds.
But they have yet to
Kick in
She's all alone there
I just told her
To stay calm
In her mind
She knew something
Bad would happen
Something bad
Always happens
When she's alone.
She thought
It was gonna be her
Having the heart attack
But then suddenly
A couple minutes later
Her chest begins to hurt
She's on the floor
And Jane is screaming
For someone to help
Next thing I know
Nurses are on the phone
Asking me what's wrong
But Jane is telling them
All about me
And this horrible heart
Suddenly she see lights outside
She hear voices screaming my name
She can still hear Jane on the phone
Screaming at the doctors to help her
But they were.
Jane just didn't know it yet...
Her heart beated so fast,
It just stopped.
Jane could hear them
Working on her friend
But when Jane heard them say
"Get the panels, Were not gonna lose her!"
Jane freaked out.
Began to cry
So hard,
That she began
To have another heart attack.
Jane suddenly hits the floor
Her phone hangs up
The doctors carrie in her
Put her next to Jane
Jane wakes up and see's her.
Sitting there helpless.
The doctors told Jane to stay in her bed
But she just got up,
And sat next to her.
The nurses just moved her monitor
Closer to her so she could stay close
To her.
Soon she fades away.
Jane never left her alone.
Stayed by her side the whole time.
But when Jane fell asleep.
She just faded away...
In her own dreams...
Jane hopes they were good ones...
-In MeMoRy oF 02/19/90 - 03/06/01
JeNnIe HaNnAh WElMoRnEs
As I watch him get so much radge
I can't bear to look anymore
As he leaves the school in a police car
I start to cry
People ask why, I'm crying
I don't say.
He doesn't come to school for weeks
Everynight I just cry
Everynight I just want to die.
When he comes back
He has cuts all over his arms
I start to cry
But ask why
I don't say.
The next day,
I come to school only to find out
That he was gone
I run, I run far, far away.
I come back a day later.
Only to find out my friends gone.
I'm all alone now
All I want is to die.
I die,
To only find I am yet all alone
I slit my wirsts, wanting to die.
Only to find
He did
He was in a different place
We called him Tags
Tags is gone and so is the world
Tags was the world to me
And everyone else I knew
Tags said Good-Bye one last time
We all cryed away are hoes
Cut away our dreams
Watched the blood go
As Tags, and Harley,
As DJ and Alex
Had done
-Harley said Good-Bye
And cut one last time
-DJ never said anything
But he did just shoot
-Tags Lost himself
As I lost him
-Alex wanted to say Good-Bye
But it was too late for her
Jane as we called her
Did love Tags,
But she went through with it
I never thought she would
She just wanted to be happy
Like everyone else
I did what Tags, Jane, DJ, Harley and Alex did
I commited suicide in my own little way...
The world never stop spinning
It just kept on going
No one stopped her
So she kept on going
Until she fell
Off the edge.
No one believed she would.
Even if she could
But just one day ago.
She wanted to
Just jump off the edge
She told some people
But no one believed her once again
She tryed so hard
To tell someone she wanted
To go bye-bye.
Everyone thought it was a joke
Her going bye-bye.
She was so loved
And yet so hated
At school it was a dream
She was everyone's favorite person
But at home
That was a different story
No one ever came over.
Or stayed over.
Her parents were druggies
And her family was dead.
She was all alone at home
So she put herself towards school.
Only school.
But then one day
Her parents went too far
She couldn't take it
She went over the edge.
She jumped so far,
And yet fell so deep
No one wanted to talk
The day she died.
No one believed she died
They thought her parents
Made the whole thing up...
But they didn't.
Soon the school was telling
Everyone...
She was gone.
And never coming back...
As she sits there
Wondering on what to do next
Thinking of only bad things
She begins to write them all down
Nothing good comes to mind
All the thoughts turn even more sour
She can't help but want it
More then anything
Everything goes blurry
All that comes to mind...
Is the knife under her pillow
Her body goes numb
Suddenly her hand moves closer
Until it's touching the handle of the knife
The pain over welms her
Tears begin to fal
Soon she wasn't just tearing water
Her hand was now gripping the handle
Of that steak knife
She didn't know what to do next
Mixed feelings, and thoughts
Hatred and depression
All that could save her now
Could later take all she had left
Slowly as the blade touches her skin
Only tears were goin down her face
The face of a lie
She felt as if she was only a lie
Tears wouldn't stop now
Her wound was made
She thought
Once it was made
The feelings would go away
But they didn't.
They just increased one-by-one.
Her life was lost in that wound
She was able to stop
The blade kept on going onto her skin
Pain,
Fear,
And doubt filled her mind
She blamed herself for everything
The pain wouldn't stop
Nothing could brake it
Her bond with the blade
Everything was gone
Including her...
As I watch him get so much radge
I can't bear to look anymore
As he leaves the school in a police car
I start to cry
People ask why, I'm crying
I don't say.
He doesn't come to school for weeks
Everynight I just cry
Everynight I just want to die.
When he comes back
He has cuts all over his arms
I start to cry
But ask why
I don't say.
The next day,
I come to school only to find out
That he was gone
I run, I run far, far away.
I come back a day later.
Only to find out my friends gone.
I'm all alone now
All I want is to die.
I die,
To only find I am yet all alone
I slit my wirsts, wanting to die.
Only to find
He did
He was in a different place
We called him Tags
Tags is gone and so is the world
Tags was the world to me
And everyone else I knew
Tags said Good-Bye one last time
We all cryed away are hoes
Cut away our dreams
Watched the blood go
As Tags, and Harley,
As DJ and Alex
Had done
-Harley said Good-Bye
And cut one last time
-DJ never said anything
But he did just shoot
-Tags Lost himself
As I lost him
-Alex wanted to say Good-Bye
But it was too late for her
Jane as we called her
Did love Tags,
But she went through with it
I never thought she would
She just wanted to be happy
Like everyone else
I did what Tags, Jane, DJ, Harley and Alex did
I commited suicide in my own little way...
Nothing fades
It only appears
Everything stays
As if time has stopped
Her memories have been frozen
For many years to come
Never fading
Only getting stronger
All of the good memories
Have become a blur
One memory
Has yet to blur
This memory that has been left behind
She does not like
She considers it as a bad one
Never knowing
It is the only good one
She begins to tears
In her horrible thoughts
The memorie appears
She begins to tear more
Never knowing
He did love her
It wasn't just a bad dream of hers
HE didn't want to leave
He had to...
I never thought I would
Do what I did that night
I thought it was all so stupid!
Until I did it myself
It helped so much
I hurt so badly
And cutting
Let me find myself again
I thought cutters were...
But I was so wrong, so stupid
Because now I'm one of them
I'm losing my mind
I've gone insane
Why would anyone want to love me?
I'm a horrible,
Hidous person.
I cut my wirsts
For relief of my pain
No one wants someeon
who hurts themself...
That's what freaks do.
But he loves me
He thinks I'm pretty
And he wants to help me
Help me get better!
Help me stop hurting...Myself
Stop it all for good.
Not just for a couple of minutes
But forever...
It always comes down to this.
Weither or not to stay alive.
She writes it all down.
Why she shouldn't live.
And why she should.
But the shouldn't list
Is much longer this time around
She thinks of her options
Nothing sounds good.
Nothing ever sounds good.
She thinks to herself...
"Why can't I be happy?"
She knew
It always comes down to this
But it is going to be different
This time arond.
She takes out her stash.
Her stash of knifes and blades
She finds a spot
On her leg.
She decides upper leg
Thinks to herself
"This is it, this time around
is my time"
The knife touchs her skin,
She becomes terrifed.
But she doesn't care.
She cuts long and deep.
They called her Jewels.
And for her,
This time around,
Was Different.
Sitting alone
Always alone
Stairing out a blank window
To never have dreams
When she sleeps....
Always wanting
To run free
But can never leave
Living a lie
But to never know
And to find
It all gone
Hurts the one she loves
Hurts too much
To stay alive
She slits her wrists
Crys bloody tears
Never wanting to return
Always hated
But now loved
She fades away
To find someone
She never knew
Every ten days
Someone dies
In my un-happy world.
No one ever makes it
Through the night
In my un-happy world
Sometims they die
Becuase of this disease
A disease they call "Death"
Sometimes it spreads
Into my un-happy world
People get the disease
And die every ten days
In my un-happy world.
But for one person
She made it through the night
She fought the disease,
Called Death.
She lived through
My un-happy world
Close my eyes
Turn off my lights
Think of it all
Everything ever gone bad
Take out my knife
Put it to my skin
Slowly press hard
Close my eyes once more
To never open them again
I never thought it could
Ever get to this point
To where I didn't want
To Live
But when that knife
Touched me
I felt different
I felt so free
I finally had
Relief in Life...
My dreams left with her
She never said good-bye.
But that's what she did
She wnt bye-bye.
Out of the cold night
She was always cold
But never cold heart-ed
She left me all alone
With so many questions
I'll never get get answers
My world left with her
Sitting in the groud
So cold
When she left
I cryed for days
Why did she have to go
Why now?
She left me
With doubts
With thoughts
I'd never had
I wanted to be with her...
Watchin him leave hurt too much.
My heart hs never healed.
I sit in the darkness.
And never leave.
My world left with him.
He called yesturday.
Just to say good-bye
I hate him leaving.
But yet I miss him so
He said he cared
But he throw me out
With the trash
I see him in my dreams
All the time
So I just stop sleeping
Slowly he left my thoughts
But he walks with the shadows...