Thursday, January 31 2001

I’m very sick. I’ve got a bad cold, the kind that doesn’t let you breath. My body feels horrible. Me and my big mouth, just a few days ago I was saying how good I did exercise wise and how if I didn’t miss a single day I would have a perfect exercise month, and just like that, BAM !!!!!! I get the cold from hell. Even if I could get my hurting body to exercise I still wouldn’t be able to because I can’t breath. See where I’m at ? Plus my energy level right now equals that of a new born kitten, all I want is a warm bed, milk and lots of sleep.

At any other point in my life my guilt from not exercising would be overwhelming, but now I know that even if I miss a workout the sky won’t fall in. This is my life now, I like to exercise and I can’t wait to feel better to get going again. Now I can tell the difference between doing something because I have to and doing something because I want to. As soon as this cold is gone I’m going to have an energy surplus and I’m going to love it !

Ok, I’m going to go crawl back into my warm bed and watch some movies :)

Have a great day.

Wednesday, January 30 2002

Have you ever had a really long night ? Well, last night I had the longest night in the world. Let me explain. It all started when I realized my husband had a cold, I knew right away that I would be next in line for this virus. By the time we went to bed (around 1:30 am, I know this seems very late but I don’t have to get up until 9:30 or 10:00 so that’s my regular bed time) my husband was feeling like crap and I was just starting with my own symptoms. So it begins. I had a slight fever, if I covered myself up I would sweat like a pig and if I didn’t cover myself up I would freeze, get the picture ? Anyway, my husband was snoring horribly (because of his cold) and between his snoring and my tossing and turning I just couldn’t get to sleep. I’d shake him every 5 minutes, ”Honey, your snoring, lay some other way so that you don’t snore”. Poor man, I mean, what other way can you lay and not snore when your nose is totally clogged from a cold ? But he would still turn around and try a new position to see if that would help. 5 minutes later it would start all over again and this happened until about 2:30. Finally I started to fall asleep, the kind of deep sleep you get when you’re dead tired and feeling like shit from a cold. 15 minutes later there was an earthquake. I live in México, a very seismic zone and I lived through the earthquake of 85’. For those of you that have felt one before you know exactly what a horrible experience it is and for those of you that haven’t lived through one let me just say it’s really bad. Last night I started to feel the bed shake but I was at that stage where you’re half asleep and half awake and you really don’t know what’s going on, when I heard the bottles of perfume on my dresser rattle against each other I knew what was going on PANIC, DANGER, OH SWEET JESUS !!!! I woke my husband up and he was totally freaked and quickly realized what was going on, so we shoot out of the house (we live on a 4^th floor so you know you have to get your ass out of there pronto) but we have 2 dogs and 1 cat, so first get the scared kitty out from under the bed, then put the chains on the dogs and then stampede out of there like the devil himself is on your ass. Of course, by the time we get down it’s all over, and that’s when you realize you just ran out of your house in your undies and you got all your neighbors and pretty much everyone else in the frickin’ city staring at your naked ass. Well, the good thing is that at 2:45 am almost everyone else is in their undies too, so everyone pretty much makes an ass out of themselves, gathers whatever dignity they have left and drags their tired body back into their houses.

Of course, trying to go to sleep after that is close to impossible, at least for me. We go through the whole you’re snoring, change positions routine again and around 4:00 am I finally manage to go to sleep. My husband started talking in his sleep and I tried to answer him back, I was totally conscious but I was like in a trance, I tried to wake up and couldn’t ! Has that ever happened to any of you ? Then I started hearing a buzzing noise to my left and suddenly I felt very afraid because in my mind there were aliens there and they were trying to do something to me, finally I managed to wake up, with a scream, thus waking my sweet husband up, again. I’ll tell you one thing, I’m NEVER taking that cold medicine again ! So again I manage to go back to sleep around 5:00 am. At 6:00 am my beautiful cat starts meowing his head off, and if I don’t immediately get up and solve whatever situation is going on with him he gets on my dresser and starts pushing things off of it with his cute little paws. So again I wake, drag my sorry ass out of bed, follow the frickin’ kitty all over the house (as in lead me to whatever you want done). It turns out that in the earthquake commotion the  back door got shut and Mr. kitty just HAD to go out right then and there. So I open the door and let him out and go back to bed. At that moment I thought “one more interruption and I’ll drown the cat, put a pillow on my husband’s face and sleep straight through the crumbling of my building, but I WILL NOT get up again.”

Fortunately nothing happened and I managed to get a good 3 hours sleep. I feel like crap (physically) but I’m in good spirits none the less. So tonight I plan my revenge against a snoring husband and a pain in the ass kitty :)

Monday, January 28 2002

So far it’s been a good day. Tonight my husband and I are going out to dinner, yummy, I can hardly wait !

I started drinking water again today (I had slacked off a bit last week) but I’m going to meet my water challenge for this week.

I’m getting ready to exercise right now (didn’t have a chance to do it this morning) but I’m ready to go right now ! Today for cardio I’m biking for 30 minutes and I can’t hardly wait for my next kick boxing session :)

Well, I’m in a hurry so I’m keeping it sweet and short.

Have a great week !

Saturday, January 26 2002

I have been perfect with my exercise this month ! If I manage to exercise next week then this will be my best exercise month ! These past weeks I’ve acted as if any progress I’ve accomplished in weight loss or sizes was not important, that has not been my intention at all. I think the problem is I DON’T BELIEVE IT ! I’ve been fat for so long and I’ve been so used to failing or quitting that I can’t believe I’ve come this far !

It dawned on me this afternoon. I weigh 166 lbs. ! To some people that is still a lot of weight for someone who’s only 5’6” but for me it’s AMAZING :) I’ve been doing this so long that it’s just become “normal”, I don’t look at exercise as something that has to be done anymore, on the contrary, I really look forward to doing it and if I don’t do it I get in the crappiest mood you can imagine.

Since it’s going to be our anniversary on the 28^th my husband and I exchanged gifts (we’re very impatient), he gave me a BEAUTIFUL gold necklace that represents the 13 years we’ve been together and he also gave me a kick-boxing tape, with Silk Manning, it’s called Khi Bae, you can see it here , OMG !!!!!! Anything I say about this tape is under-rated, it kicked my ass, big time. I literally can’t move as I type these words. It’s an incredible workout and I highly recommend it to all of you that feel like up-grading your workout a lot ! Plus, ladies, as a special bonus, this guy is eye candy, he’s just gorgeous :)

So today I realized that you can never be fit enough, I’ve been working out for almost a year and I thought I was ready for the Olympics, and today I pop a tape into my video and almost pass out from exhaustion 15 mins. later. My muscles are screaming in pain and I love it, it had been a while since I hurt so much :)

Thursday, January 24 2002

Yesterday I came very close to not exercising, I had been up until 4 am the night before and when I got up yesterday I was in no mood to exercise. The whole day went by and I had this feeling of guilt that I just couldn’t shake off. By nighttime I was going completely mad so at 10:30 pm I dragged my bike into the bedroom and I started pedaling away. I did 45 mins. of weights after that and I felt pretty good. For a moment I thought I might have trouble sleeping (too energized) but not at all, on the contrary I literally passed out as soon as my head touched the pillow.

I think my schedule is finally going to be normal after Monday, we have had weird hours since Christmas (overwork) which is great but I’ve had problems organizing my time around this new timetable, hopefully I’ll be able to get my routine back in order in no time :)

Monday is my wedding anniversary, 13 years I’ve been married to this man and I admit that it hasn’t always been easy, as a matter of fact it’s been REALLY bad sometimes but all in all I’m happy I chose him as my partner and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in this world !

Ok, have to go for now but I’ll be back tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 22 2002

Apparently this is going to be a good year. Last year sucked, really, yet slowly but surely this year is shaping up. Things have just been happening without a hassle, the business is going great, our health is fantastic and the general outlook is good. It seems to me that my body and mind are synchronized, not like other times where I feel ok but look like shit or when I look great but feel like shit, you know ? For the first time in a long time I feel at peace. What has brought me to this place ? I think my new lifestyle or at least it has helped.

The curse has broken !!!!!!!

Can you tell I’m feeling GOOD ???????

LOL.

I decided Sunday that I’m going to have some faith in me, I stopped journaling my food. It had become a sort of obsession, how many calories ? fat ? carbs ? I think it was the smartest thing I could have done because I haven’t even wanted to eat anything outside my meals (snacks) or craved any bad food. I was coming dangerously close to binging and I figured out that it was because I was obsessing. I remember when I quit smoking something similar happened, if I didn’t think about a cigarette I wouldn’t want to smoke but as soon as I focused on “I’m quitting”  I would go wild.

The trick for me is just follow the steps and do what you know is right. I hope that’s the way :)

I’m going to give it a week, if I handle my eating then I won’t go back to journaling but if I start to misbehave I’ll have to start writing it down !

What a boring entry, I can’t believe you read this far :)

Have a great day.

Sunday, January 20 2002

Well, if you must know, I’m PMS’ing, and I feel like shit, and I killed my husband, no, that’s not true, just checking if you’re paying attention.

Yesterday I was supposed to do 45 mins. of my aerobics tape but I did not feel like bouncing around so I stuck with my good ol’ bike :)

Oh, I measured myself and there are losses, yei ! I’m thrilled because that means that after I finish with my monthly situation I will be smaller still !

I think that next month I’m going to take a progress picture, there just might be something different :)

Don’t have a lot more to say today, I’m feeling crappy.

Have a good Sunday :)

Friday, January 18 2002

Today I got another glimpse of mankind, of the wickedness and evilness that can reside in a human being.

On another story I LOST 2 LBS. !!!!!! Wohooo, I can’t freakin’ believe it. I actually thought that I was not going to see a loss this week, I had a lot of trouble drinking my water but I was pretty good with my exercise and my food.

I have one more day to put in (exercise) and I’m set. I’m thinking of scaling up to heavier weights, I’m not sure yet because the weights I’m doing now still leave me feeling soar but I’ve read in many places that in order to keep your body in shape you have to “push” it. I’m still debating.

I’ll measure myself tomorrow and post the results. I haven’t been able to because my work week has been HORRIBLE. I feel like I’ve worked 12 hour days, geez.

Anyway, that’s all for today. Have a beautiful weekend.

Wednesday, January 16 2002

Last night I was laying in bed, flat on my back and watching TV with my husband, for some reason I started touching my ribs with my right hand (??) and suddenly, OH PANIC !!!!!!! I felt a “bump”, “oh Jesus, I’m dead” I thought to myself, I mean “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BALL I FEEL BY MY RIBS ?” I was sweating cold and my mouth went dry suddenly, my throat felt like I had just swallowed a handful of hot sand, I couldn’t get a sound out, nothing. My fingers kept poking away at this little bump, measuring it and wondering how long it’s been there and why had I never felt it before ? When I could finally speak (about 15 mins. after my discovery) I turned to my husband and faintly told him “I have a ball on my chest” OH, PANIC !!!!!!! Poor man, someday I’m going to give him a freakin’ heart attack, I have to learn how to say these things nicely. Anyway, he says “What do you mean a ball on your chest ? You mean your breast ?” No dumbass, I meant my chest, I freakin’ know the difference between chest and breast, thank you very much. So I say “Feel it”, now mind you, I was about ready to fly out of the house to the nearest hospital and have an IMMEDIATE operation to remove whatever that “bump” was, just get it out of me (screaming like Jim Carrey), so my brave husband takes 2 fingers and starts poking my chest, right by where my ribcage ends (that’s where the “bump” was) and I was yelling “you’re hurting me, it hurts, stop” you get the picture.

Wanna’ know what it was ? LOL MY BREAST BONE! I didn’t even know I had that let alone that it felt like that. I found that out by looking at “Gray’s Anatomy” .

My husband couldn’t stop laughing he’s the one that detected it and I didn’t believe him until he dragged me to the internet and showed me “See” he said “that’s supposed to be there”, then I thought it was pretty funny. After that it dawned on me, why hadn’t I ever felt that bone or even notice it was there ? Because of all the fat that was covering it up, that made me smile too because that means the fat is gone, for good :)

Monday, January 14 2002

Ah.....I love Monday’s :) I’ve always been strange like that, I was the type of kid that actually looked forward to going back to school after a weekend. That feeling quickly faded away as soon as I started working, specially at this one job I used to have where my boss was freakin’ GODZILLA. This was one certified asshole, believe me. I guess that’s when I decided that having a boss wasn’t for me and my husband and I started saving money and were able to start our own business. This has been the best decision I’ve ever made and I think we were very lucky, I had just turned 28 and my husband 34 when we did it, I look at it like an early retirement :)  It’s not always easy and sometimes you’re just an eye blink away from losing everything but the rewards are great and worth it.

Well, anyway, what’s any of that got to do with weight loss ? Oh, I remember, since I make my own schedule I can have all the time in the world to exercise.

On another subject I’d like to state for the record that I’ve been doing lousy with my eating, I seem to be hungry all the time and I’m making bad food choices. I will take tortilla chips before a fruit any day, see what I mean ? This has me feeling down because I was doing SOOOOOOOOO great before the holidays. What happened ? I’ve been reading other diaries and I see a pattern here, almost everyone has gone into a binge cycle after this holiday season, why ? I’ve been finding it very hard to get back on track and it’s not like a was shoving food in my mouth left and right on Christmas, as a matter of fact I exercised almost everyday during the holidays. I tell ya’ it gets weirder by the minute.

Have a wonderful week :)

Sunday, January 13 2002

I really took my time posting again, geez, sorry. This weekend was kinda’ bum for me, first of all on Friday I felt absolutely tired as a matter of fact I wasn’t even able to continue with my weights and yoga. By the time I was through with the biking my legs were shaking and I had a craving for sugar that you wouldn’t believe so I decided to quit while I was ahead.

Yesterday it was cold out so I just relaxed all morning and early afternoon and watched movies and sort of pigged out with the food (I know, I know). I say sort of because I really didn’t eat A LOT but I did eat some bad things like tortilla chips, cookies, etc...Around 6:00 pm I had enough rest so I did some housework and then proceeded to workout, I was so energized that I did yesterday’s and Friday’s exercises. I was thinking that I would be very tired and soar today but I’m not :) No exercise today but I will watch what I put in my mouth.

Why is it so hard to get back on track after the holidays ?

Thursday, January 9 2002

I weighed and measured myself, you can see the results here. I actually liked what I saw, yes, I know I gained 1 lb. but I did lose some in measurements. Consider this, we just had a holiday season, I ate all sorts of food (did not limit myself at all), drank beer, wine, coke. So the way I look at it is I ONLY gained 1 lb., it could have been more :)

I’ve been hitting my exercise hard, yeah, I like working out. Yesterday I had a “special” moment. I had done my cardio and then my weights and I was just about finished with the yoga, all I had to do was lay on my mat and relax, breathe and try to fill myself with energy. Anyway, I was doing that and I suddenly felt powered up. I finally got up and started putting all my exercise stuff away and I felt so positive, motivated and good for apparently no reason at all.

By the time I went to bed I was glowing so I talked with my husband and we slowly but surely soothed out all the rough spots that had happened a while back. It was as if my head had cleared or something, all the answers were just there, I shit you not.

I told my husband what had happened and told him I felt like I had reached a “KARMIC” breakthrough, I was on another level BABY ! He just looked at me and said “I know what happened to you” I was like “you do, please tell me sensei, should I join a freakin’ convent or what ?” all he said was “it’s called getting oxygen in the brain”.

LOL, men.

Tuesday, January 8 2002

I was supposed to weigh in today but I couldn’t find the time or the will to do it. I’m sure that there will be a gain this time because I overdid it a few times this past week. You know the funny part is I’m not all gloomy and depressed about it. It’s not that I don’t care it’s just that it’s not my main focus anymore. I know now this is my new life and that even if I have a slight setback it won’t overcome me because I got right back up and started doing things right again.

For instance, today was day 2 of doing my complete workout and I did it with no problem. By the end of the week I’ll be back to normal again. It’s not bad at all considering the holiday season.

I have noticed that I’ve been real hungry these past few days. It makes some logic considering I increased my workouts (compared to what I did the past 2 weeks) but believe me I feel starved. It had been a while since I felt like this and I’m having dome trouble controlling it :(

Got to get my mind busy on something else.

Monday, January 7 2002

All is back to normal and boy did I have a hard time getting back into the groove of things. I was late doing EVERYTHING and since today I did my whole workout it seemed to take forever. I found myself getting distracted and then I’d go and play with my cat, right in the middle of my routine. I did it all, which is great but I really have to get a “feel” for it again * sigh * you’d think I had taken off 1 month the way I feel. The funny part about all of this is that I DIDN’T take any time off, all I did was not do my whole routine some days, that’s all.

I also went back to the water drinking, it feels great but I had also forgotten about having to pee every 2 seconds so that’s been a whole challenge all in itself :)

I’m feeling good and I hope that by the end of the week I’m back to my old self again.

Well I have to go, I’m running late (figures). Have a wonderful afternoon :)

Sunday, January 6 2002

I want to thank all of you who write me and encourage me to keep going, today I’d like to address an email I received.

One of it’s paragraph’s says:

“A supportive family and husband are great to have to the trip.

Mine seem to work against me.”

This is true, it’s always better to have a supportive family behind us when we’re losing weight or doing anything important but what happens if you don’t ?

I can understand how some people might feel threatened by your improvement (in any area), some people feel uncomfortable because they think things will be different now or because they feel they also have to change to keep up with you. A husband might even be afraid because you might find someone else. For the most part people that don’t accept your progress have confidence issues. Does this mean that we have to disown our family or divorce our spouses because we want to change ? Talking would be a first option for me, explain to them that just because your changing physically does not mean that your “feelings” are changing, if you feel love for them let them know it and if you don’t let it go. Only you can really know if this “new you” wants to be in a relationship with these people, you might realize that you’ve become a whole new person and that you need to change EVERYTHING in your life.

I know I’m a totally different person, I’ve been blessed with the support of those around me, my husband included but I also know that if anybody tried to push me back to the place I was when I first started I would have to quit that relationship, no matter who it was. If someone really loves you they will not be intimidated by your success.

I would love to hear your opinion on this issue. Email me :)

Saturday, January 5 2002

I was supposed to exercise this morning but just couldn’t get myself to do it, I hope I can make some time out this afternoon so that I won’t feel guilty all weekend.

Last night we were invited to some friends house, we hadn’t seen them for a while and we had a blast. It had been at least 8 months since we last saw each other and I had forgotten that usually at these reunions there would be all sorts of salty snacks, coke and liquor. So the night started and I saw myself taking a few snacks and then stopping, asking for just coke and stop after the first glass (it actually lasted all night). When I got home my mouth felt dry and icky and I was very thirsty, that’s when it dawned on me, I wasn’t used to those types of food anymore and my body felt strange after having them.

Now it’s inevitable to wonder how I did it before, how was I capable of eating all those salty snacks and all that coke. It disgusted me I tell ya’, ewww.

 So now I’ve discovered something new, change is possible and it happens and you don’t even feel it happening, before last night I was seriously craving any sort of snack (pretzels, nachos, etc...) and so last night I figured “hey, I’m allowed, I’ve been good” and I did and boy was I surprised. It was so bad that I don’t think I’ll ever be eating them again. I’d much rather have a juicy orange or a fresh apple (did I just say that ?????) :)

Have an excellent day.

Thursday, January 3 2002

Oh, it’s so good to be back to normal. I was trying to excuse myself from doing my weight lifting yesterday, I thought “nah, just don’t do it. You can start again on Monday, take the rest of the week off”, but there was one little problem with this, I had already taken almost 2 weeks off. I was about to go into a slump here, where I just started doing mediocre workouts but I’m happy to inform that I caught myself just in time.

Of course today all my body is soar but that’s fine with me :)

I was really bad with my water this past week and yesterday I couldn’t believe what I saw in the mirror, I looked bloated, my eyes were all puffy, hands and feet swollen totally bla, so I started drinking water like there was no tomorrow. Sure enough after peeing ALL NIGHT this morning I looked as fresh as a lettuce, why is it so hard to get all my water in ? I really like the stuff, it’s good for me, my body resents it when I don’t have enough so why is it so damn hard ????

You’d think it was painfull or something the way you sometimes have to PUSH yourself to drink what you need.

I’m feeling good this year, it’s not about anyone around me or anything it’s about me, it’s something I feel from the inside, hmmm....I’ll have to look into this because it’s a brand new feeling.

I hope you all have an excellent day.

Wednesday, January 2 2002

I think I might have a gain, boohoo :( Ok, so I overate a little yesterday, soooo ? Geez, that’s ok, I’ll get right back into mode again. I had to let go at least one day through the holiday season, I had been doing so great that I couldn’t stop myself. I’ll do good again starting today.

So, it’s been freezing cold and I am very busy. I just wanted to start my journal for this year. I’ll try to get right back into my regular schedule by tomorrow.

Hope you all have a wonderful year.

MAY

JUNE

JULY

AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

OCT

NOVEMBER

DEC