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Monday, December 31 2001 It’s
finally here. I’ve been waiting a WHOLE year to see 2002, phew, it seemed
like forever. I’m starting off great, I lost a pound, don’t know where I left
it but I sure hope I leave some more in the same place :) I
was looking at myself in the mirror earlier and I payed close attention to,
umm, how shall we call them ? ahh, my “problem zones” (basically my whole
body), and for the very first time since I started my whole program I really
noticed changes, I look great. I had to use an objective eye and not the one
I usually use, you know the one that ONLY sees all the bad things. I was very
pleased to see that all the hard work I’ve done since March is paying off
after all. I’m
so ready for 2002, I can feel it in my bones. I just KNOW that this is going
to be an EXCELLENT year for everybody. I’m optimistic about the future and
I’m ready to work my butt off to accomplish my dreams. Now I understand that
2001 HAD to happen, the impact this past year has had on us all has made us
better people, stronger too, it helped us put or values in perspective, to
stop being self centered and to notice that there are more people in this
world besides ourself. I
wish you all the happiest New Year, may all your dreams come true and let’s
toast so that all the bad things that happened in 2001 will never repeat
themselves again, ever. Happy 2002
!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, December 30 2001 Man,
it’s been hectic. My mother in law left on Friday and our schedule is slowly
but surely getting back to normal. We still have New Year’s and then back to
normal. I know, I probably sound like The Grinch or something but I require
order in my life to be happy :) I’ve done amazingly good with my eating and
I’ve managed to sneak in some exercise so I think I’m going to come out great
out of the holidays, That’s a first, believe me :) Santa
was really good to me this year, brought me all sorts of stuff, a lot of
exercise equipment and movies and a bunch of things, hehe, I must have been
really good this year ! For New Year’s we were planning to go to a
dinner/dance party but I have to be totally honest, I’m not in the mood for
celebrating. I mean sure I’m happy we made it this far and I’m really looking
forward to next year but for some reason I don’t feel like partying until
dawn so I much rather stay home with my husband and have dinner, pop open a
couple of bottles of wine, listen to music and just enjoy the life we have
and make plans for our future. I specially have the need to recap all that’s
happened this year, heal wounds and come out stronger and smarter next year. I
can’t take my mind off of the families that are suffering the loss of a loved
one, my heart is with them and for some reason I feel guilty, of being happy,
of having a safe home, of being healthy, bla. So
this year will be spent quietly, remembering and respecting those that are no
longer here but also rejoicing over the fact that we are still here and we
have the chance to make the best out of our life everyday.
Wednesday, December 26 2001 Well,
after Christmas I’m glad to report that I was excellent with my food. I ate a
regular portion, didn’t have second servings and by the time I was done I
didn’t feel bloated or too full. This came as a welcome surprise because I
hadn’t planned for this, I was genuinely full. I still remember other years,
I would eat HUGE servings of everything and even though I felt full I would
go right back to the kitchen and have seconds of everything. I felt
uncomfortable, no appetite but I couldn’t stop, I’d just keep going. Then
after a few hours I’d start all over again. By the time the day was through I
felt really bad physically and emotionally. It’s amazing how a change in
perspective can make everything so different. I actually enjoyed my Christmas
dinner, every bite of it as we talked and enjoyed ourselves, I wasn’t focused
just on the food it was all part of the big picture. I might sound kind of
nerdy about this but believe me for someone that used to dread Christmas (it
meant overeating, a lot) this is new. I
managed to workout on Monday and I’m also doing it today so I actually only
missed one single day of exercise. Well,
hope you all had a wonderful time. See you tomorrow.
Saturday, December 22 2001 I’ve
been trying to come and post but I’ve been so busy that I just hadn’t found
the time. I’m thrilled I decided to alternate the biking with the aerobic
tape, once you get a hold of it your set, you can really concentrate on
moving each muscle group. This
next week is going to be the moment of truth, first of all I probably won’t
exercise on Monday and Tuesday (for obvious reasons) and then there’s the
food and the drink and ugg... I’m going to try to relax and enjoy myself, if
there is a gain it’s not like the world will suddenly implode and disappear,
I’ll just have to get RIGHT back on track. Another issue is that my mother in
law will be visiting, she arrives tomorrow and she’s staying through the 29th,
I have no problem with this except for the fact that I have to entertain her
and I don’t know if she’ll be too keen on me telling her “ok, just sit here
and watch TV while I go do my workout”. I guess if she loves me she won’t
mind, specially considering it’s something that’s really good for me. Oh,
well, it’s only a few days, it’ll all be back to normal soon enough :) If
I don’t get a chance to come back here before Christmas I want to wish you
all A MERRY CHRISTMAS ! I hope that 2002 will be a much better year for us
all. Oh....I
almost forgot, I measured myself on the 20th but didn’t post the
results until today, you can see them here.
Thursday, December 20 2001 Last
night I opened one of my Christmas gifts (I couldn’t stand it any longer) and
it was an exercise video. I was thrilled because I had been wanting one of
these for a long time, I was ready to get moving with those trainers on TV.
So I unwrap it and look at the box and it was one of those “slide” tapes.
Slide is done on a slippery mat, you put special socks on and slide away. Ok,
so I’m like, yei ! this looks like a lot of fun. So I ask my hubby, “where’s
that special mat that I need to slide away ?” He’s like “What ?”. He didn’t even know about the freakin’
mat. HAHAHAHAHA, I have to laugh. What is it about guys not paying attention
to things ? How could he not see that the people on the box were sliding ? So
he was all upset and wanted to run out and exchange the tape. I said forget
it, I popped the tape in the VCR and started following it. I got an excellent
workout from it and I can feel my thighs really soar today. Anyway,
what I’m going to do now is alternate, one day I’ll ride my bike and one day
I’ll do the tape. I also plan to go get a bunch of other tapes and also use
those. That’ll be a good option to change my routine around a bit. They say
it’s necessary to have variety in your workouts that way your body won’t get
used to the exercise and you’ll be working a whole new set of muscles. I’m
so happy !
Wednesday, December 19 2001 Phew
! I weighed myself today and I lost the 6 lbs. I had miraculously gained in 2
hrs. I apparently don’t have a loss this week but I don’t have a gain either
:) ********************************************************************************** What did I ask Santa to bring me this
year ? - A diamond ring ? - A new car ? - A new wardrobe ? - A trip ? Nope,
none of the above. I asked him for exercise equipment. Have a become a total
nerd or what ??????? ********************************************************************************** It’s
cold and pouring rain here. Have a told you that these are my favorite days.
I feel so alive. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a sunny day like anybody but I
get a special feeling when a rainy day comes along. Well,
don’t have much more to say today. I’ll be back tomorrow.
Tuesday, December 18 2001 Today
I was supposed to weigh and measure myself, as it turns out yesterday I
didn’t drink all my water and so I swore that I would get the stuff down
today, soooo.... this morning I got up, did some cleaning, had about a
million cups of coffee in about 1 hr. then I got ready to exercise.
Everything was fine up to here, just on little detail, I had to start
drinking my water. On a normal day I drink a whole gallon during the day (the
whole day) but this morning I decided I was drinking for today and yesterday.
So I took my gallon of water and started exercising. Between sets I would
drink half a glass of water and so on. By the time I was done with my
exercise (roughly 2 hrs.) I looked at the gallon and I had drank almost the
whole thing, damn, of course, I was
peeing like there was no tomorrow but still....... I
felt proud of my accomplishment and got ready to weigh myself, oh dear God
!!!!!! I weighed 6 lbs. more than my last weigh in, there is NO WAY this
happened. I was excellent with my food, exercise and water, how did I gain 6
lbs. ??????? Uhhhh.....duhhhhh.....ya’
think the water might have something to do with it ? You just drank your
whole days worth in 2 hrs. you freak ! How
do I feel now ? Well, if balloons could speak I bet they would say they feel
like I feel now while being inflated. My eyes feel like they might pop right
out of my head. I have to work this evening and I’ve had to leave my
customers while I go pee EVERY 10 mins. What have we learned from this ?
Don’t exaggerate, it is not humanly possible to drink so much water, believe
me :) Because
of this “little incident” I’ve decided to weigh myself tomorrow morning.
Hopefully by then the water will have passed right through me. Don’t try this
at home.
Monday, December 17 2001 I
went looking for pictures of myself when I was at my highest weight so that I
could post them here to compare, guess what I found. Nothing, absolutely
nothing. Did this ever really happen to me ? Was I ever really big ?
Apparently not. No, wait, I know it did happen, dammit I lived it, so uhhh,
what’s up ? That
answer came to me like a piano falling on my head, duhhhhhh...... when you
were fat you didn’t let anyone take pictures of you. I remember one time in
particular with my dad, we were at a restaurant and I was REALLY doing what I
did best, shoving my face. I can’t recall the menu but I will NEVER forget
the freakin’ hot fudge sundae that disappeared inside my mouth, OMG !!!!!! My
poor father (I only see him once a year) wants to take pictures of EVERYTHING
and that used to drive me NUTS. So he stands up and walks to the other side
of the table and grabs his camera to take a picture of me, aha. I can almost
see the scene, there I was my mouth smeared with chocolate syrup, the EVILIST
look on my face and I just told him in an ice cold voice DON’T YOU DARE. He
just sat back down and was deeply hurt by me :( How could I explain to him that I was ashamed of myself, that I
hated myself so much that I preferred to be a void in everyone’s life, I
simply didn’t exist. All he knew is that he wanted a picture of his only
daughter, period. It’s no wonder I can’t find a single picture of me from the
past. How can stupid can one be ? Just so I wouldn’t have to change I
preferred to not be a part of my family, just hide out in my little corner
feeling sorry for myself and hating everyone else for having fun and having a
life. How long ago that seems. How grateful I am that I woke up. How pleased
I am that I could do it. How thrilled I am about my future. How different
everything seems. How different I am this year.
Sunday, December 16 2001 I’ve
become so attached to my new life that it’s difficult to remember how things
used to be. I’m not going to lie and say that my life was hell before, I had
problems like everybody else, ups and downs but I think that what was really
different before was the perception I had of myself. I didn’t appreciate
myself enough to want to take care of me. I’m not only talking about the food
here it’s about everything, food was just part of it all. Now
I’ve become a weirdo that has to drink at least 96 oz. of water in a day ,
checks the labels on the food before buying it, looks forward to exercising 6
times a week, thinks about every food choice that goes into her mouth, etc... Back
in the old days I used to think of people like that “You’re so uptight.
I don’t know how you can enjoy life
when you go around depriving yourself of everything that provides pleasure
(food)”. See the pattern, for me pleasure=food=happiness and that’s just not
real. Maybe while you’re eating you feel overwhelmed by the food (whatever it
is you like) but that only lasts for 2 seconds because afterwards you feel
like shit. Guilty, ugly, like a loser with no control, fat, and usually sick
to your stomach because you really went overboard. So
today when I surprised myself looking at labels in the store I had to laugh,
I had become the person I used to criticize and dislike and I had to ask
myself “Who do you prefer ?” That’s easy, this new me. Maybe I used to
dislike people like that because I COULDN’T BE LIKE THEM, I was not capable
of controlling myself and I disliked those that could. That’s logical but
that would mean that I have to accept that the problem were not those people
but me, my jealousy of wanting to be something that I thought I could never
be. Now
that I’m doing it I see how much better things are when you’re the one in
control, not your emotions, I can say that this is what I always wanted to
be, my confidence has grown 120% and I feel happy and content. I’m making the
right decisions not only in what I eat but also in my life and that’s
something that I never got from food. It’s not as hard as it seems, believe
me and it’s well worth your best effort.
Friday, December 14 2001 Yesterday
I had the hardest time getting started on my workout. I literally had to drag
myself to my bike and force myself to start pedaling. I was even feeling
dizzy. After about 20 mins. I started feeling energized and by the time I
started on my yoga I was Superman. I don’t know what’s going on but I can
report that my body is soar, not very soar but a “workout” kind of soar.
Tonight we’re supposed to meet a friend and I’m thinking na-ha. The way I
feel now makes me just want to curl up and go to sleep, plus it’s kind of
chilly out, a movie day ! This
is really strange and disturbing because I still have 2 more days of exercise
this week and I don’t want to give them up, ever since I changed my routine I
started to see weight losses again and I surely don’t want that to stop. I’ve
been craving a pizza, it’s been happening for the past days. I want a pizza
and I hardly think that it’ll be a terrible setback. As a matter of fact I
can arrange my caloric consumption so that it evens out. What’s been stopping
me ? Well, the last time I had pizza (after I started my weight loss journey)
I got REALLY sick. I won’t go into details (ewwww) but as I understand it
that happened because my stomach is no longer used to eating fat, when you
eat something greasy your stomach freaks out and makes you REGRET every
single bite you took off that pizza (or whatever). So
I’m debating, is my craving worth getting as sick as a dog ? Can I substitute
it for something else that won’t make me feel so bad ? I’ll let you know what
happened. Have
a great weekend.
Thursday, December 13 2001 I
had a great workout yesterday. I still had a few boxes of clothes that I had
to check to see what I was going to keep or give away so I did that
yesterday. As I was taking the different items out I’d first look at them and
then put them up against me and look at myself in the mirror. A lot of these
clothes were big on me but a lot were not. Let’s say half and half. The ones that
did fit seemed to belong to someone else, not me. It’s as if that person
doesn’t exist anymore, I’m somebody totally different. I felt somehow that if
I kept those clothes I would eventually go back to being that other person. I
put everything in a box and decided to give it all away. It’s all in my head,
I know, still I just don’t see myself there anymore. Even my taste in
clothing has changed, does that make any sense ? So
now I’m going to have to slowly but surely renew my whole wardrobe
(aww....poor me :)), plus the clothes I have are all smaller sizes, this
means that I CAN’T go back to that
other person I was, I’d have nothing to wear. Since
I started later on my workout (because of going through the clothes) I also
ended way past the time I usually do, I was just getting started on my yoga
when my husband arrived. Usually by this time I’ve already taken a shower and
we just hang around and whatever but last night I had to still finish my
routine. I told him “you have 2 options, one you can join me and do some yoga
(yeah, right) and two just stay out of my way until I finish. Specially at
the end while I’m unwinding and going over my mantra”. Poor soul, I swear,
he’s got to love me to death. There was NO WAY he was going to do yoga so he
took a book and locked himself in the bathroom. After I finished I thanked
him and told him he could come out, which he promptly did. :) I asked him why
he went into the bathroom and not the bedroom or the patio outside and he
said that the only place he could be in and give me TOTAL privacy at the same
time was in the bathroom. You have to love him.
Wednesday, December 12 2001 Me
and my big mouth :) Go look at the results. I lost 1 kg (2 lbs.) ! I’m thrilled, can’t believe
it, that’s 2 kilos in 2 weeks or 6 lbs. in 2 weeks ! Yei !!!!!!! I’ve
been paying close attention to my skin lately, it’s getting weird. Besides
the ever so horrible stretch marks I’ve noticed that I’m getting “wobbly”.
All these years that I’ve been overweight I never had that problem but now
that I’m losing weight I do. My theory on this is that fat gets hard over the
years and now it’s soft and melting (gross, ewwww...) how could I do this to
myself ? This Friday I plan to go out and buy something
nice to wear for Christmas. I have worn for the past years the typical baggy
sweater over black pants (you get the picture) trying to hide my fat (as if
that was possible) but this year is going to be different. I’m not saying by
this that I’m going to buy a mini-skirt and a tank top, nope, just I nice
outfit that fits. Now
that I’ve been doing yoga I’ve noticed that my bones crack, don’t freak out,
my bones have ALWAYS cracked, specially my knees but now my feet are also
doing it. I’ve also noticed that my ankles no longer get swollen in the
mornings. About a year ago I had started having problems with my ankles, I’d
get up in the morning and feel like my feet were stones, they felt heavy and
my ankles would hurt. I haven’t had that problem for a long time now, I guess
it must be the exercise, weight loss and water drinking. The bone cracking
could be because my feet were so strained for so long that now that they
don’t have so much pressure they’re readjusting themselves. :) Have
a great day.
Tuesday, December 11 2001 I’m
afraid to weigh myself, I think I might have gained some since the last time,
my main question is how ? Ummm......let’s see, I’ve been keeping my food
diary and I KNOW I’m not going overboard with that, I’ve been drinking a lot
of water, exercising, I can’t understand. Maybe when I was born my parents
didn’t invite the wicked witch of the west to my baby party and she cast an
evil spell that says that this will be my weight FOREVER, hahaha (evil
laughter), no matter what I do. Oh
well, what’s there to do ? So what if I don’t lose anything? I’m still going
to keep on doing what I do. I’m
so thrilled about Christmas, it had been a couple of years since I was so
excited over the holiday season. I haven’t done my Christmas shopping (should
be getting to that) I just haven’t had enough time, it seems as if I’m always
running. I’m
going to ask Santa for some exercise equipment, I’m just DYING to have one of
those exercise balls, you know the big ones. There’s always some lady using
one of those on Discovery Health and it really looks like a lot of fun. I
told my husband last night “Hey, pay attention, that’s one of the things I
want for Christmas” pointing at the ball on TV, he looked at it and then back
at me and got this look on his face, he didn’t have to say anything but I
knew what he was thinking “Will that thing hold you ?” . I stared at him with
a look on my face that said “Are you ready to have a slow and painful death ?”
:) He immediately said that there would be one of those balls under the tree.
I have to admit (even though I’ll never let my husband know) that I also am
worried about the ball holding me, that would be hilarious, me rolling around
on the ball and then suddenly POP, just like a balloon, oh, the shame. I’m
going to have to do that when he’s not home :)
Monday, December 10 2001 I
was supposed to weigh in today and I didn’t, I was in a hurry and I barely
had enough time to finish my whole exercise routine. I will weigh in
tomorrow, I promise. I wonder what that scale has to say this time ? I
hope I’ve lost at least 30 lbs. :) hahahahaha, wishful thinking :) So what
else is new ? Well, today I woke up in a “regular” mood and slowly but surely
got into a “bitch” mode. I don’t know what comes over me at times. Is it
maybe that I feel tired or that I’m doing something wrong ? My schedule has
been shot to hell lately and I’m a person that needs to have a routine to
feel in control, maybe that’s it. I’ve also had this damn cold that I just
can’t shake off. Oh......now I remember, it all started last night. I always
like to watch a movie before I go to bed and yesterday they had one of those
“America Undercover” specials on HBO, it was Paradise Lost Part 2. If you haven’t
seen it or didn’t even see the first part it’s basically about these 3
teenagers who are in jail for the murder of three 7 or 8 year olds about 6
years back. Despite of what I believe, if they have the murderers or not I
was astonished. I CAN’T even start to understand how there can be such evil
in this world. who in their right mind would dare hurt a child ? That upset
the shit out of me, I had a really hard time sleeping and I recall having
nightmares last night. I know that’s what’s going on with me. I’m going to
have to stop watching TV or just leave it on the cartoon network. Well,
now at least I know why I’m in such a shitty mood. I’m going to try to relax
and get my mind off of that program. I
hope everyone out there is having a much better day today.
Sunday, December 9 2001 Wohoooo ! I didn’t miss a single
exercise day this week (even though I have a cold) and I feel so proud ! I
also feel tired, very. My body hurts in all sorts of places, but it’s a
“good” kind of pain, muscle pain, ahhh.... Today is my day off, I don’t think I
could exercise today even if I wanted to. It’s cold and cloudy out. A good day
to just hang around and relax. Because it’s cold out I had to wear
jeans today, I hadn’t wore them for a while and I avoided them at ALL costs
because I looked horrible with them on. My stomach looked HUGE. To my
surprise (pleasant I might add) I put them on today and the fit nicely and a
little loose. Bah...I’m so sleepy and tired that I’m
having a hard time writing today so that’ll be all for today. Have a fun weekend.
Friday, December 7 2001 I’ve
been so good this week with my exercise. It’s amazing how organization can do
the trick. I’m actually seeing more results now that I do “less” exercise
than before. For example, let’s say last month when I was still doing 4 hrs.
of exercises everyday. I’d start off great, Mondays would be excellent days
but by Friday I would be so burnt out that I would put in a very mediocre
workout and maybe even not exercise at all. Now that I reduced the amount of
exercise I do in half I’m still filled with energy by the end of the week and
can put in my complete sets. My
arms feel like they might fall off from one minute to the next, I added a
little weight to my arms and legs but my arms definitely resent it more. Yesterday
was a very emotional day for me, a lot of things being resolved and issues
being worked on and something funny happened, I had the BIGGEST craving for
chocolate. A Snickers, Milky Way or ANYTHING, all I wanted was chocolate and
a lot of it. I remember reading somewhere how chocolate is stimulating to the
nervous system (sort of like a drug) and it has the quality of making you
feel happy. Ok, so it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out I was blue
and I was looking for a smile, right ? Yes, but the mind is a powerful thing,
when it says I WANT it means I WANT. I knew what was going on, I didn’t want
the chocolate because I had a taste for it, I wanted it because I had an
emotional need for it and I wasn’t about to give in to my emotional eating. I
made a plan of action, I looked at the clock and told myself “you’re not
going to give in for half an hour, if after those 30 mins. pass you still
HAVE to eat the chocolate then you go and buy it and shove it in your face”.
That sounded (at least to my brain) acceptable. That’s what I did. After the
first 30 mins. had passed I realized I wasn’t desperate for the chocolate and
gave it another 30 mins. Before I knew it the day was over and I hadn’t given
in to my emotional need for food, I WON
the battle. I
have nothing against a good chocolate once in a while but I do have something
against using it as a coping mechanism. That’s what got me into this position
in the first place. The
best part of it all is that by not allowing myself to “hide” behind the food
I had to deal with the situation up front and guess what ? It got solved ! Dealing
with life’s ups and downs is easier than I thought.
Wednesday, December 5 2001 I’m
in such a horrible mood today. I’m getting a cold and last night I took one
of those “cold symptoms” medicines, you know the ones, they make you sleepy,
groggy, etc...and today I woke up feeling like crap, literally. I did not
want to leave my bed, my body was achy all over, I felt dizzy and have been a
pretty lousy bitch all day. My
poor husband (who is already in the dog house) is freaking out. Will
feeling like I do stop me from exercising today ? It would seem like the
logical thing to do, watch a movie under my favorite blanket while I munch on
some snacks and drink pop like there is no tomorrow. To me that sounds
appealing, like heaven even, but you know what I’m going to do, right ? If
you guessed that I’m putting on my gym clothes, dragging that damn bike in
front of the TV and start pedaling well, you’re correct. Why
? Simple, exercise makes me feel good, happy is a better word, specially
yoga. Not doing it would be bad news for anyone that happens to cross my path
in the next 24 hrs :) I’ve
been drinking a lot of water trying to flush out this damn medicine from my
system but I still have that drowsy feeling, arrggggg....... never again will
I pop one of those pills CHRISTMAS
IS COMING !!!!!!!!!!!!! (just had to get that in :))
Tuesday, December 4 2001 Now
that I’m going over my pictures (to post on this site) I’ve realized
something, even though at some point in my life I was thinner than I am now
this is the healthiest I’ve ever been, really. Before I was thin but with no
true definition and now you can see the outline of my muscles even through
the flab that remains. The
human body is incredible. I was “stuck” at my same weight for over 6
months, no significant changes either
up or down but my sizes kept changing, I was really concerned about this, I
mean, really, who wouldn’t be ? Your weight is the same but your size is
smaller? But anyway, the point is that in these past 2 weeks I’ve experienced
more change in my body than I had for the past 6 months. Not only did I drop
3 lbs. but my body trimmed down practically overnight. Somebody told me this
would happen, something about your body adjusting to the “new you”. Slowly
but surely converting the fat into muscle, dealing with flabby skin, etc...
It seems to happen overnight but it doesn’t. It takes hard work and
dedication, like any other worthwhile thing in this world. I
can hardly wait until I get to my goal. I’m halfway there and it doesn’t seem
that hard anymore. I’m ready and willing to do the work
:)
Monday, December 3 2001 This
is too good to be true ! Go look. I
can’t believe it :) I lost 3 lbs. (2 kilos) and 2 cms. (1 inch) almost
everywhere ! Why ? It’s simple, I kept doing the same amount of exercise I’m
doing all I did was WATCH the amount of calories I’m consuming. That’s all. This
is great because I hadn’t lost anything since May so this must mean I’m doing
something right. I’ve
decided to go public with my face. There’s no point in hiding. From what ? So
I’ve added a new section, well,
actually 2, one with pictures of myself (through all my stages) and another
with pictures of my family. Progress
pictures ? Well, I think I’m taking those down. First of all I SEE no
difference in any of them, they all look pretty much the same although there
is progress) and I’m thinking that you could probably get a better idea of
things if you saw my face. In my case the face is one of the places that gets
“swollen” when I get heavy and “unswollen” when I lose weight. I’ll still
leave the most significant progress pictures up but take all the other ones
down. Plus,
I just know you were dying to see me :) I’m
working on that now so I’m keeping it short. I hope to have it up by tomorrow
and of course as time goes by I’ll be adding more pictures to it. Have
a great day.
Sunday, December 2 2001 Well,
there is no doubt that after the storm the calm comes. What a closing for
November, right ? I never expected the answer I would get from my husband
when I told him I wanted to move on to “greener pastures”, he was totally
against it and said that we belong together. Asked for a chance to prove to
me all the love he feels and to make things right once and for all, so I’m
doing it. I do really like him a lot but sometimes life makes you change. The
love is still there, that’s for sure so I’ll give it some time and see what
happens. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* All
this riff-raff that happened to me over the weekend was very enlightening to
me. At any other point in my life I would have gone berserk and lost total
control of myself physically and emotionally but I never lost it, ever. I
kept a cool head, focused and I did it. I didn’t go overboard with my eating,
I didn’t stop exercising either. I figured at some point that it wasn’t about
doing me harm, on the contrary it’s about doing me good. By not exercising
and overeating the only one that was going to be hurt in the process was me,
nobody else. Would
I have been capable of accomplishing this if I hadn’t been taking care of
myself for the past 8 months the way I have ? Of course not. What do I think
is the big difference now? That’s easy, awareness. I’m no longer in a trance,
letting myself be led by my emotions or my problems, I am now in control. I
know that each step I take is a thought out process not a reaction to
something. I
also know that the power of change is in me. Nobody is going to provide it to
me, nobody is going to do things for me, if I want something to happen I have
to promote the change. Another
thing I noticed that I have now and I didn’t have before is discipline. This
is a tough one and is probably the hardest to accomplish. At all moments I
knew the steps I had to take to take to stay on top of things and I was also
aware of what could make me flip. Anyway,
I hope this month calms the emotions that were stirred in me these past few
days and that I can now start getting my life in order and still maintain
control of myself. I
hope this month is great for you too. Oh,
by the way :) I’m coming out to the world (my face is) and I’m posting new
pictures on my sight starting tomorrow. I’ll probably take the other ones
down, you really can’t tell too much on those ones.
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