So here we are... Its getting colder.. The winter is getting closer.. There is less sun light every day.. What is life? Life is endless moments pieced together like a jigsaw puzzle.. Life is dramatic at times. Life is friendships.. Some that go on forever and some that fade.. Life is the joys and the pain.. You know those times a song comes on the radio and you think of a specific moment or time when you we're happy or sad or angry or mad? I've had them all.. But I sit here and wonder why the angry, mad and sad seem to be on my mind more often then the happy.. To hell with that... We make mistakes and now we move on.. We dont feel like we're strong enough to move on. We go places and get reminded of the same thing.. But its something we must do if we want to truely be happy. I want to find the places and spaces and faces in the world that makes me or can help make me happy. We've said alot of goodbyes to people and places that we will see again whether we want to see these things again. But i'll hold my head high and tell myself to be stronger.. Tell myself to let it go.. So what if someone who was your friend is going out with or is sleeping with yet another of your ex b/f's.. Who cares? Time has pasted and your not the same person who got hurt the day you found out he slept with someone you cared about alot. Who cares if he wasnt honest with you? Who cares about lies? How many times have you been lied to by a gay man who just was thinking with his dick? All these things make you grow.. The tears of Joy, pain, anger.. They make you stronger. They make you wiser.. The teach you the hard lessons that one doesnt get taught in high school or university? So the fact that you feel like your the only gay man in the world who doesnt believe in lying? So what you see is what you get? So what if you dont like my critizm.. Take it in the back of your mind. Im not saying it to hurt you.. Why are you so afraid of? Well Im really afraid i'll be sitting here alone wondering 50 years from now why im still sitting here alone.. with no friends.. with no love.. with no clear memories of what happiness is.. because the world made me so angry and mad and sad that I pushed everyone in my life away.. That i couldnt trust anyone because my heart was broken for the 1000's time... That i couldnt trust anyone because i had been betrayed yet again my someone I thought was my friend. Why so so many people say so many bad things about me behind my back? Im dumbfounded.. Im confused.. I learned life is not a popularity contest.. So what if the world hates me or anyone does.. I have my family who loves me and respects me... I have a few friends who wouldnt do anything to ever hurt me.. Which I carish.. I go back and cry.. I think.. i analyze and learn.. Learn to put on a smile instead of a frown. I will find more people to cherish. I will find more people who will make me remember how to smile. Put the trash in the garbage can and say goodbye. So what if your loyal and want to keep the crap because you've shares your deepest thoughs with the crap. Its time to put the crap on the curb so the garbage man can take it outta your life forever. I love too much.. Too hard... Too Deep... I care too much.. too hard and too deep!
But im not like everyone else. Im unique.. I express what I think.. what i feel.. Its one of the best things about me and its what makes me me.. and NOBODY ELSE.. I love my life I love myself.. I cant forget that.. Because you cant love anyone before you love yourself.. and who cares if anyone else loves me.. Its just a plus if there is more then one person who loves me.. So with this I end my day.. Off to go home and sleep.. Close my eyes and drift away... Goodbye trash.. Hello happy days.. I will find you if its the last thing i do.... I never said I wanted you to be perfect. I just wanted you to be loyal, i wanted you to be honest. I wanted you to feel. Not that im perfect because i try too.. Because Nobody's perfect and ive learned that is especially true about me. |
