diary10

    Hello..
He's another installment of as my stomach turns.. So ive been in a great mood.. This past 8 days have been great.. Last Saturday I went up to Ottawa to meet a friend off the net who I hadnt met before which was crazy but the spontaneousness of it was fun. Anyways I think both of us expected too much and ended up being disappointed. Just that we both got on each others nerves and argued too much. But I dont regret meeting him because he is a really nice guy and one of the most beautiful guys Ive ever seen in my life. But he has his issues and I have mine and I think adding them together was just way too volcanic. But I do hope that the two of us stay in touch and stay friends. Because there is alot of good about him that outweights the bad. Which I dont have enough good people in my life. So on the Sunday I decided i'd go to Montreal for 24 hours because I always know I can go to Montreal and have fun. Even by myself. I went to dinner by myself which I never did before. I went bar hopping.. then I went to the club there Unity which is absolutely awesome and better then any of the gay clubs in Toronto. So I went there and danced almost the whole night on the potiem.. and there I found a bit of an ego.. Because when I was looking around I had alot of eyes on me. I never wanted to meet anyone and didnt meet anyone. But I know im a pretty unapproachable person by look, even though im far from unapproachable. But it was good. It was a me night and frankly I needed the me time at Montreal because of the last couple of months ive had and I came back to Toronto in an extremely good mood. Which is quite the pleasant change for me. But it made me realize I dont need to depend on anyone. Boyfriend? Friend? I dont need them.. I have alot of good friends and im glad I do. But because of the shit ive gone through with people I thought we're friends. Now I dont need to try to be friends with anyone. I have myself. I can depend on myself.. I dont let myself down. I dont have to expect anything from myself. Im one of the nicest people I know and I would do something for someone else before I would do something for me. But quite frankly thats going to be stopping in alot of regards.. Fuck other people.. Im the only person who is completely important in my life. If people want to be my friend or boyfriend then thats just an added bonus. So that was my trip... I came back Monday night.. Then on Tuesday I went too see Savage Garden in concert and it was an amazing concert. :) But had more drama because of my friends let me down. Cancelled with 1 1/2 hours before the concert when he knew full well on Friday when I talked to him that he didnt want to go.. I wouldnt have cared if he did it then but he did it with very little time. But at least i have other friends who i can depend on and know would enjoy going.
   Then on Wednesday and Thursday I hung out with friends that mean something to me. One of which I havent got to see alot but it was really good to hang out with him. Friday I went to watch the Tennis Masters Series at York U. I was never a huge fan of Tennis. But is alot of fun to watch live. I got too see Pete Sampras actually lose to #5 seed Maret Safin. Who is absolutely adoreable. Opps did I say that. :) But I was cheering for him to win. I dont like cheering for #1 seeds.. Im more of an underdog person. :)
But it was a great day of Tennis and i'll probably watch more tennis on tv now.. and follow it more. Actually now I actually want to meet someone I could even go and play Tennis with.. :) the only bad thing of the day is I am so sunburnt :) I look like a lobster.. and its just my arms and Legs and shoulders.. because I was wearing a tank top.. but its already starting to turn into a tan which is awesome :)..
   But then today.. Its my first day back at work and this guy on my icq list asks me .. I heard your HIV+, is that true? Frankly I think if I was HIV+ i'd lose my mind and more likely.. Try to kill myself. But then I sit here and think. Which would someone say this when they dont know whether I am or not? What would make someone say that about someone. Rumours are bad things and I have alot of rumours about me. Thats what happens when you know alot of people and have alot of enemies. But rumours and telling people that someone is HIV+ is a whole different story? If I was HIV+ I would be very open about it. I dont lie to people and frankly im one of the most honest people i know. If something is on my mind. or there is something about me. Then I talk about it. But then I asked this guy who his source of this was? And he wouldnt tell me. So other wise he is protecting some scum bag who has nothing better then to spread lies about people. Frankly I know too many people like that. And I hate it. I look around and realize I know alot of people. But out of them i wish I didnt know about 95% of the people I know.. This whole thing reminds me of some years ago someone I thought was my friend went around telling people I was HIV+ because he was jealous because people actually liked me and not him. another friend told me he hoped I died of Aids. Why would people make comments like that? I dont like HIV or AIDS is a joking matter. I have known/met alot of people who arent here anymore. and there are others who wont be here in a couple years. I cry. I love. I miss! Why are some people so crual?