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| 7/3/2006
2 Corinthians 4:17 �For our light affliction which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.� Have you ever thought about how one moment can change your whole life? I remember the moment I found a lump in my breast. My life was changed, even after I found out that it was not anything serious. Or the moment I said �I do��life has never been the same since I became Mrs. Mark Cloud. Or the moments I have gotten the phone calls that dear ones in my family have passed away. Life is different. Or the day I found out I was expecting a child (and then two and a half years later another child)�motherhood is a life-changing event. Then there is the day last August that we signed a piece of paper that was a �referral� to adopt Maria Elizabeth. Our lives have not been the same since. We have experienced ups and downs. We have leaned on God and often just let Him carry us when we don�t think we can go on. We have become world-wide travelers. After not ever having a passport, all four of us now have one�and Mark and I have used ours twice. Suddenly Guatemala, this tiny country south of Mexico, has become this BIG reminder in our hearts of what we are waiting for. I notice articles in the paper for Guatemala, Guatemalan souvenirs, and other adoption stories of Guatemalan children. It has been life-changing�and Maria is not even here! Now we are waiting for another life-changing moment�the phone call. We hope and pray that we receive a phone call soon that says she is our daughter, that the wait is over. And once again, our lives will be forever changed. Going from a family of four to five will be an adjustment! Keeping up with the personalities, emotions, and behavior of three children will be a challenge. And sharing our love with another daughter�it will be incredible. I often wonder what I will be doing when I get that phone call. How will it feel to have my life changed? On the other end of the spectrum, there is always a chance the phone call will be life-changing in a negative way�that for whatever reason the adoption is halted. It doesn�t happen often, but it does happen. It hurts to even think about that possibility, but we have known all along that it IS a possibility. I cannot even fathom what a life change that would be. I do know that for God, these life changing moments are just a vapor. After all, He lives in eternity. And one day we, as believers, will too. I pray that whatever life changing moment we experience, that God will remain with us in His faithfulness. I pray that we will continue to praise Him in the sunshine�and the storms. Thank you for waiting (AND praying) with us. |
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| 7/4/2006
Psalms 72:17-19 �His name shall endure forever; His name shall continue as long as the sun. And men shall be blessed in Him; All nations shall call Him blessed. Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel, Who only does wondrous things! And blessed be His glorious name forever! And let the whole earth be filled with His glory. Amen and Amen.� Happy 4th of July! On the 4th of July, I feel the need to fall to my knees and praise Him for this country but also to pray to Him for this country. Holidays are not easy when you are in the adoption process. Usually holidays involve family time and traditions, which are just another reminder of who we are missing this Independence Day. Ironically, it is NOT Independence Day in Guatemala. So we could just have easily gotten a phone call saying the adoption was complete today. That would have made a good holiday! Obviously, if I am posting this, that didn�t happen. And again, we just wait for God�s perfect timing. I often wonder what the 4th of July will mean to Maria Elizabeth. Upon arriving in the United States (should that happen J), Maria will become a US citizen as soon as her little feet touch American soil. Yet she will also be a citizen of Guatemala. I wonder how she will feel about her American citizenship. Will she appreciate the freedoms of the USA? Or will she resent that we took her away from her home country of Guatemala. I really don�t know. I can�t even pretend to guess. We hope that she will always know we adopted her because we felt led to by God, experienced a deep love I cannot even describe for who she is. But I also realize she will have to sort through her own feelings as she grows and wonders about who she is. I pray that we will remain supportive and encouraging even if her questions or comments or beliefs cause us pain. After all, that is what the Heavenly Father does for us daily. Happy 4th of July! We miss you, Maria Elizabeth�you are with us in our hearts! |
| 7/5/2006
�Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.� Proverbs 3:5-6 You may have noticed that when I get to the end of another day with no phone call and am feeling a little hopeless, I have to fall back on this verse. I will admit, I woke up today with a renewed sense of hope. I had a good quiet time (as good as it can get with very noisy children arguing in the living room). I had had some good prayer time as I went to bed last night. And in the depths of my stomach, I felt this anticipation and hope that something was going to happen today. In fact, it was so strong, I don�t think it would have surprised me at all if the phone had rung. But now it is 4:37 as I type, and the anticipation has past. Nothing happened again today. I won�t lie...it hurts. In fact, it sucks. I don�t use that word often, but I cannot think of another word that works really well. And thankfully God loves me enough, that he will forgive me for the use of that word. I love that I can be honest with Him. I don�t doubt Him, though I sure don�t understand this purpose. I can admit to Him that I feel a bit tortured and forgotten. He still loves me. Mark brought up the point that it has been one month since our visit. A month ago today we were visiting our precious girl. I have been writing about it in her little journal. I can only do moments at a time with the children and with my aching heart. As I revisit those moments, I can almost see her and touch her in my mind. It is hard to believe�one month. We really thought she would be on her way home by now. Under my breath, I am muttering, �Trust in the Lord�� |