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Day by Day

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7/1/2006
Happy July! I hope your month is off to a good start! I cannot believe it is already July. I overheard someone at a workshop the other day say that July 4 is the halfway point for our summer vacation. Wow! Halfway done. I will admit, it is not the way I expected nor I hoped to spend my vacation. However, this verse sums it up:

Proverbs 16:9 �A man�s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.�

In other words, I may have planned out my whole summer to be with Maria, here at home. However, for whatever reason, that is not the direction the Lord is taking me. It doesn�t say I have to like it. My kids don�t often understand why I have them do the things they do. Or why we can�t go swimming now (when I know that we are doing something special later on)�they don�t see the big picture. I do. I guess that is where I am with God. I sure don�t see this big picture. But God does. And I am going to have to rely on Him, trust Him, and do a whole lot of praying!

Speaking of praying, there are some scary things happening in PGN. If I even think about them, my heart starts beating faster and faster, and I feel my chest tighten up. But, again, I am going to have to look at Him. God is bigger than PGN. Unfortunately, that doesn�t mean that we are going to avoid all of the bad stuff. I have searched and searched the Bible and haven�t found any verse that says just by trusting in Him, our lives will be easier. It may be that our case will be right there�delayed for months. And if that happens, we are going to have to again rely on Him. I may be kicking and screaming. We will be doing some fundraising (this is the month that we start paying extra for Maria�s care). And I know I will be on my knees a lot calling out, �Why us, God?� And it will hurt like the dickens. There may be some more �mini-depressions� within me. And we will need lots of support. But we do know that God is faithful and just. He never promised us for sure that Maria would come home to us or that it would be an easy ride if she does. Trust me, we think about those things (or I do, I can�t speak for Mark), but He does promise to never leave us nor forsake us. Right? Keep reminding me of those words as we enter this new month�another month of waiting for Maria.

7/2/2006

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Have you ever had a good dream, so good you did not want to wake up? Today during my weekly Sunday afternoon nap, I had a dream about Maria. It wasn't that it was a particularly interesting dream or even that exciting...but Maria was in it, and she was with us. (I think technically she was "visiting" us...but I don't care. I had my arms around her.) I have to say, though I have great joy in the life I have here, it was a little disappointing to wake up and realize she is still very far away from us...

Well, Mark and I have been talking alot about the timing (or rather the "no" timing) of Maria's homecoming. I was just sure that summer was the perfect time for her to be with us. I would have a longer time period with her than my "maternity" leave. But this weekend I started thinking maybe just because the timing seemed right for me, it wasn't the right timing for her...I think Maria wil grow to love Hunter and Lauren. But I also know on our last trip to see her, she sometimes got a little overwhelmed with them, and maybe even a little envious. Maybe the right time for her to come home is when the kids are in school, and it will be truly just her and me. A dear friend of mine from Oklahoma e-mailed me that same bit of wisdom...I cannot pretend to know God's thoughts and plans. And I could be really wrong about that. It may not have anything ot do with Maria or me, I just know God's timing is right, even when it doesn't feel right to me. And that doesn't mean I expect that she will just become our daughter when schools starts. We still may be months away. But these thoughts have made me step back and look at it from a different perspective. Not the "All about Reba" perspective. I have done a maternity leave in the middle of the year before. I will tell you that it is a LOT of extra work. And stress...both for me and the parents of my students. But in the end, when and IF God chooses to bring Maria home, I will do whatever needs to be done. Parenting is NOT easy. (Or if it is, I haven't found that easy way yet...) And just because the adoption is final (we hope), it doesn't mean I can stop relying on God. In fact, if anything, we will have to rely on Him even more, as well as rely on you for your prayers.

Maria, we are still waiting for you. We love you, baby girl.

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