Review by: Zulu, Queen of the Nile (continued)
Point of View: For the most part, this works well. Because you've got good characters, you can easily go into their heads for internal monologue, and it's believable. As far as internal monologue, I especially liked "I love it when she gets smart" and the whole explanation of Scully's overnight bag (which is an extremely wonderful idea, btw, well executed and very apt!).
However, you do have a tendency to switch pov. Now, I know that this is a very difficult thing to avoid, especially when you've got Moose and Squirrel, who both deserve equal pov time. And when they're alone, eg. Scully after her shower, Mulder in the police station, their povs are very clear. But when they're together, there are many switches. What I mean by switches is that at one point we're in Scully's head, with her internal monologue, and then suddenly, we're in Mulder's head, you know? These switches can be awkward; in formal writing, it's best to avoid them. Follow the adage: One scene, one pov. Switch povs only at scene breaks, and then stay with the pov character you've chosen.
If you find staying with one character is difficult, try third-person omniscient. Unfortunately, third-person takes away your ability to get inside anyone's head: and your wonderful internal dialogue would suffer. I don't know what to say; it's a tough issue that I'm still dealing with myself.
On a higher note, your povs are always in an interested character, so we always got a full view of the scene (much better than if your pov character was just a passive observer). You don't have too many povs, either: just M&S for the most part, which works well, of course. So, though you may need to work on switches, you've already mastered pov as a descriptive technique. Well done.
Conflict: There are definitely strong conflicts in this story: M&S vs. mystery; Mike vs. Mady, Mike vs. himself, Russell vs. Johnny, Russell vs. Mike, Mulder vs. Ben, etc. Your action scenes are well written, so I can see clearly what's going on. The mystery is suspenseful enough to keep the story going. No problem turning pages (or scrolling down) with this story! I'm especially appreciative of plots, because, as you may realize, I can't do them. Now, you've got a true X-Files adventure. The mystery builds nicely with the rising action.
Your conflicts aren't all the same, which is also good. There is a variety, so the reader's not always saying, "ooh, another car chase" or whatever. Good. As for conflict resolution, obviously I can't comment cause I haven't read the whole story. However, I can say that the realization that the water's at fault came at exactly the right time. I realized it only lines before Scully did. This is good. Your conflict resolution didn't come too soon.
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