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Fishing Jokes & Riddles |
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A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishing license, boy!" the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes sir," replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..." |
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| Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite. Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!" |
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A happily married guy goes out for bread one night before dinner. He gets in line with his loaf of bread, turns around, and sees the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. She looks back at him, and they quickly embrace and hurry back to her place where they have the best sex of their lives. Afterwards, the guy realizes that he's supposed to have been home 3 hours ago.
He quickly runs into the bathroom and runs his socks under the tap, then hops in his car and burns home.
When he comes in the door, his wife's there waiting. She asks him where he's been, and he replies, "I went to get bread, met the most beautiful woman on the planet, and went back to her house for 3 hours of great lovemaking." She looks him up and down, notices his wet socks, and says, "LIAR! You've been fishing!" |
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A Newfie wanted to go ice fishing. He saw many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, he made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning his comfy footstool, he started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly---from the sky--- a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the Newfie moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Newfie, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up his stool, and tried again to cut his hole. The voice came once more.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
He stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY ARENA." |
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What does a fish say when he swims into a cement wall?
DAM!!!! |
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A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see," said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man." As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing." |
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