The four found themselves in Kris and Michelle’s dorm room, a few hours later. Zac was now sporting a thick silver chain around his neck (in which he’d been pining for since he saw it in a store two years back). Kris and Zac sat on her bed, while Taylor and Michelle were on Michelle’s.
“I’m tired,” Taylor said, and rested his head against Michelle’s shoulder to prove it.
“Then go home cause you’re not sleeping here.”
“I don’t want to leave.”
“You just don’t want to move.”
“True.” He yawned. “Zac, you can drive me back to the hotel.”
“Then I’ll have to come back for my car.”
“So?”
“No!”
“Zac!! Come on…”
“I’ll fricken drive you, okay? Just so you can shut up!” Kris said. “God, you are so whiny.”
“I am not!” he whined. Kris gave him a look. “Fine, maybe I am.”
“Maybe?”
“Okay! I happen to whine, do you have a problem with that?”
“You’re a bitch when you’re tired, you know that?” Kris said, slightly smiling.
“A bitch? What are you implying here?”
“You look like a chick.”
“Hey!” Kris started to giggle, then when she saw the pissed off look on his face, laughed even harder. “Shut up!” She didn’t stop. “Don’t make me come over there. I will so drop kick your ass.” Kris stopped. Even though he meant it as a joke, and she knew he did, it scared her. “Oh my God, I am so sorry. You know I didn’t mean that at all.”
“Yeah, I know, I just thought of him.” She looked at the clock. It was nearing midnight. “You know, in a few minutes his restraining order’s going to be removed.”
“You didn’t get a permanent one?”
“I couldn’t!”
“He tried to kill you,” Taylor said.
“I know, I know, but I could only get one for three years. And I have a feeling that he’s going to find me again.” She put her hands over her eyes. “God, I can’t believe it’s been three years already. What am I going to do?”
“Kris, why don’t you stay with me tonight?” Zac said. “You could drive Taylor home, cause he can’t seem to stay awake.”
“I’m awake!” Taylor said, then yawned again. “Okay, not really…”
“I’ll take my car back, and you can drive him,” Zac said, then looked to Michelle. “Mich, you gonna come with?”
“No, I’ve got an early class tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?” Kris said.
“I’ll be fine! I’ll get some time to myself.”
“Oh, alright. See you tomorrow.” Her and Zac got up. Taylor kissed her, then got up.
“Bye guys.”
“Bye.” The three left, Kris making sure she had her purse and her key. Taylor led Kris to his car, and Zac went to his own. Kris got in behind the wheel and Taylor sat next to her. She started the car and pulled out of her space.
“In answer to your question before Zac stopped us, I was still in love with you.” Kris let it sink in, then decided to speak.
“How about now?”
“Yes.” She bit her lip. “Very much so.”
“Well don’t be. You’re with Michelle and I’m very happy with Zac.”
“I know you are, and I don’t want to take away from that, but I still love you, Kris.”
“Don’t. Not now.”
“Then when?”
“Never.”
“I’m afraid I won’t allow that. I’m only going to live once. I don’t want the love of my life to pass me by.” Kris knew taking him was going to be hell for her.
“What about Mich?”
“I really like her. She’s a wonderful person. She’s a lot like you.”
“Is that why you like her so much?”
“Yes.”
“You know what, you need to stop.”
“You’re asking the questions! I’m just answering honestly!”
“Just stop talking, okay? I don’t need you hung up over me now! I love Zac so much right now, and you being here, loving me isn’t helping.”
“Do you still love me?” Kris didn’t answer. “Do you?”
“I’m not going to answer you.”
“Then I’ll assume that it’s a yes.”
“Why? Why would you assume that?”
“Because if you didn’t, you would of flat out told me no.”
“Maybe I just don’t want to hurt your feelings. That could be something too, you know.” Taylor huffed and shifted.
“You do.”
“Shut up!”
“Then deny it. Right now tell me that you don’t love me anymore.”
“I don’t love you anymore.”
“You’re lying.” She pulled over to the side of the road, knowing she was getting too involved in the conversation to drive safely.
“What if I am?” Kris said, suddenly raising her voice and turning to him. “What if I still do love you? What are you going to do about it? All of a sudden life will go back to the way it was when things weren’t complicated? I don’t think so!”
“I know exactly what I’m going to do about it.”
“What?”
He pressed his lips against hers. She responded instantly, forgetting about everything, and just concentrated on him. They kissed intensely, for a long time, until she remembered Zac. She pulled away.
“I cannot believe you.”
“That’s all I needed.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s all I needed to find out if I’ll get you back or not.”
“I fucking hate you.”
“No you don’t. You’re just mad at me instead of being mad at yourself. And the only reason you would be mad at yourself is because you know you still love me.”
She pulled back on the road. “I don’t think so.”
Kris drove, trying to ward off the unwavering stare he had on her. It wasn’t working. It’d be a while before they got to the hotel, and Kris was lucky she knew where it was. She knew she should had drove Zac’s car and let Zac drive Taylor back. She hoped at that point, Zac and Taylor weren’t sharing a room again.
“Why’d you decide to come back with us? You could have stayed with Michelle.” Kris sighed. She knew conversation was inevitable.
“I don’t want to be by myself tonight.”
“I just mentioned Michelle was there.”
“She doesn’t know about Brian. I’d mentioned it to her at the restaurant, but that was the quick version of it. She doesn’t know anything about him. Hell, she doesn’t even know anything about me.”
“And you’ve been roommates for three years?”
“Well, two. But I just don’t mention the things that happened before I met her. That’s why she doesn’t know about us dating before. She’s so clueless about everything it’s pathetic.”
“And it’s your fault, you know.”
“Yeah.”
“We’re getting off the subject.”
“Yes we are.”
“Well get back on subject.”
“Fine.” She took in a breath. “I feel safe around Zac. Even you. I always have. It’s going to be completely uncomfortable with you around because we haven’t talked or much less seen each other since we broke up. But still I feel like nothing could happen to me when you guys around. That’s why I need to stay with you tonight. Tonight’s the first night Brian’s off restraint, and I need to feel safe.”
“We won’t let anything happen to you.”
“And I know that.”
“Why are you clinging to me?” Zac asked. They were on his bed, and Kris had yet to let go of him. “Is someone a bit scared?”
“Me? Scared? Never…”
“Kris! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’s just it’s tomorrow, and he’s out, and he’s probably looking for me right now.”
“Kris, you’re just paranoid. It’s been three years. He’s probably moved on to his next victim. He doesn’t care about you at all. He won’t be back. And plus, I’m here. I won’t let him touch you.”
“He’s probably waiting for you to turn your back so he can kill me.”
“Kris, he isn’t. Don’t worry.” She loosened her grip on Zac. “Thank you, I can breathe again.” She tightened her grip. “Hey!”
“I’m just playing, honey.” She let go of him and got off the bed.
“Where you going?”
“Out here,” she said, and opened the sliding glass door. “It’s so amazing out here.” She leaned against the balcony, looking up into the sky. “Seven years ago, when I was a freshman in highschool, I took Astronomy. The first thing Mr. Cross taught me was the constellation Scorpius.” She pointed towards southwest, at three vertical stars in a line, followed by a stream a stars following it. “That’s it, right there.” Zac followed her finger and saw the constellation. “I always found it so weird that Scorpius was the constellation for Scorpio, which is October 23-November 21, but it’s in its prime in August.” She lowered her finger, but still looked up at the sky. “That was seven years ago, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. Where’d it all go?”
“Seven years ago I was only ten.” Kris looked at him. “I was in fifth grade.”
“Well think of it this way. When I’m fifty you’ll be forty-seven.” Zac nodded. “Then it won’t matter.”
“Does it matter now?”
“Just for a little bit. You’re still a minor.” He sighed. “We’ve got one month and twenty-five days until you’re eighteen.”
“That’s too far away.”
“No it’s not. It’s a lot less than what it was before. It’ll go by before you know it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Don’t be in such a rush, Zac. Lots of stuff happens at eighteen. You can vote, you can be sent off to war…”
“I can have sex with you.”
“Is that all you think about?” He looked over at her.
“I’ve had a taste before, and I liked it. Now that I love you so much more than I ever loved her, and we’ve waited so long, it is all I think about.”
“I did not need to know that. Now every time you look at me I’ll think you’re picturing us having sex.”
“It’s not that I picture it, it’s that I know I want to and I know I don’t want to wait.”
“You’re just a horny guy, aren’t you?”
“You could say that,” he said, slightly smiling. “Well you must think about it too. Tell me you haven’t thought about it.”
“Yeah, I think about it. I wonder what’ll be like, what’ll happen from it, what’ll change.”
“Not much will change.”
“I’ll probably be more comfortable around you. Or more uncomfortable.”
“Why uncomfortable?”
“I’ll know you’ve seen all of me. And not just my body, everything I feel inside. There’s nothing for me to hide from you, ever again. Even if I try, I know I won’t be able to. You’ll know just about everything about me. And it scares me.”
“Kris, I want to know you. I want to have all of you. I want to see all of you. I want to be a part of you, forever.” He moved in front of her, looking in her eyes in a way she’d always loved about him. “I know we won’t last forever, but I do want to know that you were once my entire world. Even if we lose the romantic status of our relationship, I want you to know that I will always be your best friend.”
“And I’ll always be yours.”
“I love you. As my best friend, always and forever. As my girlfriend, for now.” Kris smiled.
“As touching as that was, I love you too.” He put his hands on the railing on either side of her, slightly smirking.
“So, can we cheat the legal system?”
“I won’t say anything if you don’t say anything.” He kissed her.
Taylor opened the door to the room. He saw Zac kissing Kris on the balcony. Immediately his heart sunk to his feet and he closed the door again. He walked back over to the room he was sharing with Isaac and quietly went inside.
“Well that was quick.”
“I hate him.”
“What was he doing?” Isaac asked, putting his book down. He knew this was going to take a while.
“Kissing her. I so fucking hate him.”
“You don’t hate him. You just envy him.”
“I kissed her today,” Taylor mentioned, then started pacing.
“You did what?”
“I kissed her. In the car on the way over here. We were talking, and she pulled over.”
“Why did she pull over? What did you say to her?”
“No, she just can’t drive and have a conversation at the same time. She’d never been able to. She gets too involved in her conversation and can’t concentrate on the road. But she pulled over, and I mentioned I still love her.”
“What’d she say?”
“She didn’t say she didn’t still love me. She never did deny it, though. But I do remember her saying ‘What if I do? What are you going to do about it?’ I knew what I was going to do about it. I kissed her.”
“Did she slap you?”
“No, she responded. Full fledged, nearly making out kind of kiss.”
“Why?”
“Because I had to find out if she still loves me. That proved it.”
“What is she going to do about Zac?”
“She’s going to stay with him. She’s going to live happily ever after with him. But when he’s not around, she’ll still be in love with me. Kris has never been one to be in a monogamous relationship.”
“How do you know she hasn’t changed? You haven’t seen her in three years. She probably hasn’t seen anyone else besides Zac in those three years.”
“Oh, you mean she hasn’t had a saga with you yet?”
“No,” Isaac said.
“I’m surprised. She’ll get to you.” He waved her hand, going back to the previous topic. “Anyway, I know she has no problem cheating on him.”
“How do you know that? Why are you so full of yourself in your knowledge of someone you haven’t seen in three years? For all you know Kris might be ready to have a full out I love you and only you relationship.”
“Then why did she kiss me back?”
“I don’t know! I am not the Kristina Carter expert here. I don’t even know the first thing about women, much less that complicated one in there.”
“She is pretty complicated, isn’t she?” Taylor said, more to himself than to Isaac, and sat on the countertop.
“The only person who will ever understand her, and ever know what she’s coming from and where she’s going, is Zac.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Taylor grabbed his bottle of water and took a sip of it. “He knows absolutely everything there is to know about her. Which does give me a slight advantage cause whatever he knows, he tells me. I have yet to figure out why…”
“Cause he knows when the two of them break up, she’ll only end up going back to you.”
“You know what the one thing I regret about our relationship?” Taylor said, like he hadn’t even heard what Isaac said. Before Isaac could speak, Taylor started again. “I never got to know her. I was never her friend. I was always her boyfriend. The only thing I knew about her was the things she lived through when I was there. Zac is a completely different story. He knows her in and out, he knows everything that happened to her since the day she was born, but he’s only known her as long as I have. She tells him everything that happens to her, every single day. He knows her in complete detail that he can tell what she’s going to do in a situation before she does. And if they don’t know something, they ask each other. ‘How would you act in this situation? If you were doing this right now, how would you handle it? What would you say?’ They have conversations for hours upon end, about absolutely nothing. They can just talk and talk and not have anything to hide from each other. There are no secrets between them. I’m sure if Kris still does have some feelings for me, she’s told Zac. Zac tells her everything about everything, and Kris tells him everything about everything. I’d kill to have a relationship like that with a person. Any person. It doesn’t even have to be my girlfriend. It could just be a friend.” Taylor stopped and took a breath. “Do you think I would completely freak out Michelle if I started doing that with her?”
“Who’s Michelle?” Isaac asked, glad to have a word in.
“My girlfriend. Kris’s roommate.”
“No, don’t do it with her.”
“Why not?”
“She’ll wonder why you’re being so open with her and go to Kris. Kris will recognize what you’re doing right off the bat.” Isaac looked at Taylor. “Do you even realize that you’re overlooking something?”
“What?”
“You just said that you would kill to have their kind of relationship. Just be able to sit back and talk about everything you feel to someone.” Taylor nodded.
“Yeah, I want that.”
“You have it.”
“How?”
“Ever since you walked into this room, you’ve told me everything. You gave me this entire monologue over your feelings. You just did with me what you wanted. You have that relationship with me. It’s called family.”
“You don’t count.”
“Don’t I? I know what you want. You don’t want this thing your describing to be family. You have it, with me, and with this entire family. That’s the way we are and that’s the way we’ve always been. But you don’t want it with us. You want it with Kris. But you know you’ll never have it with her because that’s the way it’s always been. It’s always been just her and Zac. They’ve had that friendship, and you want it.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand. I understand completely. You just don’t want to believe that I do.”
“I’m leaving.”
“Bye.” Taylor walked out the door. “Michelle’s going to be asleep, and she’s going to hate you waking her up.” Taylor walked back in. “Zac and Kris are occupied with themselves right now. Don’t bug them.” He closed the door. “You have nowhere to go.”
“No, I don’t.”
“So stop running away.”