Amber and I walked into the boys’ hotel room to find Zac and Taylor in a heated argument. We turned to leave, not wanting to disturb them. Zac saw us and stopped us.
“Ask Nicole!”
“Ask me what?” I asked. “What are you two fighting about?”
“Taylor here said he found this in your bag,” Zac said, holding up some LSD. “Now I know you’re not doing anything. I don’t know where Taylor got this from, it might be someone else’s bag.” “I know what I saw. It was right there in her bag. I know it’s Nicole’s. It was on top of a flannel and the bag has ‘Nicole’ written across it in big bold letters. It’s hers.”
“First off, it’s not mine. I know what I do, and I don’t do drugs anymore. Maybe it’s one of the other girls’. I know Taurii’s bag looks a lot like mine. There’s a big possibility she stuck it in mine thinking it as hers. And Taylor why the hell were you going through my stuff anyway?”
“I stopped in the girl’s room before I came in here. Darling asked me for something out of your bag and I saw this in there.”
“Alright. I’ll believe that. But why would you go to Zac before coming to me first? If it was mine at all I’d tell you before you come in here and give my boyfriend a heart attack.”
“I’m sorry. If the situation ever arises again, I’ll come to you first. But, is this yours?” Taylor asked.
“No, it’s not mine.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Why not?” I asked. It was really mine; Amber and Taylor both knew it. I didn’t understand why he was putting me out on a limb like this.
“Because I’ve seen you high, Nic. I know you’re doing it.”
“How about I go get Taurii and ask her? If she did really get mixed up and put it in Nicole’s bag, then she’ll be able to tell us,” Amber said.
“Alright, you go do that,” Taylor said. She left the room. I looked at him.
“You know it’s not mine. You know I’m not doing this. Why are you trying to blame me? The last thing I would do is start drugs again.”
“Whatever.”
Amber came back in the room with Taurii. Zac threw the bag to Taurii. “Is this yours?” he asked.
She looked at it. “Yeah it’s mine. Why do you have it?”
“Taylor found it in my bag,” I said. I knew it was mine, why was Taurii claiming it?
“Oh, I must have stuck it in there earlier. Sorry,” she said to me.
“That’s alright.” She left with the bag of LSD. “There you go. It was hers. I was right.”
“Then I’m sorry. I should have believed you.” I looked over at Zac. He was staring straight at Taylor with a look of disbelief in his eyes. I guess this ended the friendly streak they had going on.
“I’m gonna go for a walk. I’ll be back in a bit,” Zac said. When he left the room, and I knew he was gone, I looked at Taylor.
“How the hell did you know all that?” I asked. “How’d you know I started again?”
“I told him, Nic,” Amber said. “I didn’t think he’d go off like this.”
“Okay. Why the hell did you tell Zac all this?” I asked Taylor. “It’s not that I don’t want you to know, I don’t care if you know. It’s that I don’t want Zac to know.”
“You should have thought about that earlier. You walk around high all the time, Nic! It’s obvious. I’m just surprised Zac hasn’t figured it out yet. I know I’m airheaded, and I can tell. Stop fooling him.”
“Listen, what I do with my life is my business. If I don’t want Zac to find out, he doesn’t find out. It’s a simple as that.”
“Alright. Lie to him. When he does find out, and he will find out, he’ll just be more pissed at you because you lied to him when you had the perfect chance to tell him.”
“I’m not about to tell him. And the only way he’ll find out is if you say something. And if you say something I’ll have your skin for my Taylor Hanson rug in my room.”
I walked out of the room and tried to figure out where Zac would have gone. He’s most likely stopped at his parents’ room to let them know he was leaving. That would have stalled him for a bit. It was just what direction he headed once he left the hotel.
When I got outside, I looked both right and left for a mass of blond hair and that God-awful bright Hawaiian shirt he’d put on. I saw him down the boardwalk. Actually, the first thing I saw was his shirt. I ran towards him. As I got closer, the first thing I noticed was the lit cigarette in between his middle and index fingers. He told me he always he smoked when he worried. I just hoped he wasn’t worried about me.
“Zac!” I called out. He stopped and turned around.
“I was waiting for you to come out. What took so long? I almost finished the whole thing,” he said, gesturing towards his cigarette. He took a long drag from it and flicked in onto the street.
“I had to yell at Taylor some more,” I said.
“You know, the saddest part about it all was that I was beginning to believe him. At first he mentioned he’d found it in your bag and my reaction was absolutely no way. But he kept insisting, and he had a good argument. Right before you came in I was actually beginning to doubt you.” He laced his fingers with mine. “Silly, isn’t it? You’ve never lied to me before.”
Alright, let me melt into a big puddle of guilt as his feet.
I nearly cried; I felt so guilty. I felt the tears welling in my eyes, so I had to look away. “Yeah, it is.”
“You’re not mad at me, are you? For doubting you?”
“No, not at all. Taylor can be very convincing. I understand.” If I looked at him, he’d know the truth, just like he knew about Amber. And I wanted to remain false; I didn’t want him to know my truth. I liked my secrets; I liked hiding. Most of all, I didn’t want to hurt him.
“I noticed you haven’t said anything about me smoking.”
“You’re gonna do what you’re gonna do. I have no control over that. As long as you don’t do it before a show. Then I can kick your ass, right?” I asked. I grinned at him, my eyes shining with the tears I refused to shed.
“Whatever, honey.” He kissed my hand.
“Can we talk about you being upset before or will you be touchy about it?”
“I’d rather not.”
“Too bad. I know why you were upset. I figured it out. It’s okay with me.”
“I feel horrible.”
“But Zac, it’s fine. I’m fine with her liking you, I’m fine with you still having feelings for her. As long as you don’t do anything about it with me still around.”
“I won’t. I promise.” “Good. I don’t want any of that going on while I’m here. I get enough of that shit at home.”
“What’s at home?”
“The story of my friends’ lives. One person is going out with her, but she likes someone else. They end up sleeping together, then she gets pissed because her boyfriend wants to break up with her, then the guy she slept with ignores her and moves on to someone else…it’s confusing.”
“Sounds like it.”
“Yeah, so that happens all the time. And I want to get away from it.”
“Then stay out of Taurii, Michelle, and Rachel’s business. All they do is sleep with anyone who’s waiting. They’re the official bed-fillers when someone’s away.”
“They’re all real nice.”
“Yeah, cause they’re manipulative. Rachel is the absolute worst.”
“I haven’t heard Rachel say one word since I’ve been here. What’s up with her?”
“She’s silent. She only talks when she’s got something important to say. She’ll be the first one to tell you when the person you happen to be focusing on messes up.” I nearly stopped walking. Rachel knew about me. Of course she knew about me. I smoked with her every morning. Maybe she figured Zac knew and didn’t think it was important.
“Really?”
“She’s the best at gossip. She knows everything about everyone, cause she’s always around. No one thinks much of her cause she never says anything. They’ll tell their deepest darkest secrets to her cause they think she’ll never say a word. If you ask, she’ll say it in a heartbeat, everything she knows. So don’t trust her. If someone wants to know and asks her, she’ll tell.”
“That’s exactly what I need. I can get the gossip on people.” Zac nodded.
“She’s great.”
“I guess so.” I looked away again. “God, I still can’t believe Taylor."
“Neither can I. He’s giving me worry for nothing here. You know I smoke when I’m worried.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Did you ever smoke?” Zac asked.
“Yeah. For three or four years. I quit that much later than I quit the drugs, though.” I thought about my time doing drugs back home. “I must have killed my mother a thousand times over.”
“How’s your family? You’ve met mine, you know how screwed up we are. How about you? You can’t be close with them, I haven’t seen you call home once and you’ve been gone for at least a month.”
“My family is my family. I have one brother, the one who dated Darling and a sister. I have one brother, the one who dated Darling, and a sister. She’s younger. She’s about ten now. That girl’s nothing but good, while my brother is nearly evil. He’s still a druggie, and he’s been doing it longer than me. My mom’s disoriented. Until I turned sixteen and could drive, all she was to me was my ride. She took me where I wanted to go. She tried—God did she try—but my heart’s just not in it. I’m not a family person. I want a family, cause it’s been so long, I forgot was serenity was like.” I sighed. “But I’m just not with my family. They’re there. I’m sure Darling’s called a few times to let my mother know I’m still alive and I haven’t been kidnapped, considering I just went to a concert and never came home.”
“Alright.”
“So tell me! What are you thinking right now?”
“What am I thinking? You want to know what I’m thinking?” I nodded.
“Yeah. I want to know what’s going on in that brilliant brain of yours.”
“Brilliant?”
“Yes! Brilliant! I think you’re a genius.”
“No I’m not.” He blushed and looked away. One of the only reasons I complimented him like that so much was to see the embarrassed look on his face. He was so cute when he was embarrassed and he never liked it.
“Just shut up and let me marvel at your genius, alright?”
“Fine.”
“So, what are you thinking?”
“I thought you just told me to shut up.”
“Zac! Stop it! Either you’re doing this to be annoying or you’re thinking something you don’t want me to know.” He smiled. “That’s it, isn’t it? Well I’ll just have to read your mind.”
“You are so stupid.”
“No, I’m really going to do it. Okay.” I closed my eyes, mocking deep concentration. “You’re thinking, ‘Nic is such a babe. I think I want to buy her everything she asks for just so I can have the honor of her greatness.’ Gee, Zac, that isn’t so bad. I don’t know why you just didn’t say it.”
“Well I didn’t want you to think I’m spoiling you.”
“You can start by taking me to a few shops and let me spend your money.”
“No.”
“Hey!”
“Sorry babe, I love you and all, but this is my hard-earned money and I’m going to spend it on myself.”
“Really? And what are you going to buy? Another one of those shirts? How much was that? Twenty cents?”
“Oh shut up.”
“You’re only saying that because you know I’m right. You know that was a cheap, ugly shirt but you’re wearing it anyway.”
“I spent lots on this, thank you. Me and my hard-earned money.”
“Hard-earned? Zac, I watch you. You play your drums and sing every once in a while. You look like you’re completely bored while you’re playing anyway.”
“I can’t concentrate too hard cause when I concentrate I always mess up cause I’m paying too much attention. I have to let my mind wander or I’ll miss a complete riff.”
“Sure. You’re just trying to make up an excuse because you can do that while sleeping.”
“I work hard.”
“I know you work hard; I’m just teasing. You just don’t look like you do. I know you gave a lot up to do this for a living.”
“But I love doing it.”
“You never told me what you were thinking.”
“You got off the subject.”
“Well, tell me. I’m interested. This is how I get to know you, I hear what’s turning the cranks and spinning the wheels.”
“Do you really want to know what I’m thinking?” I nodded. “I want some ice cream.”
“That’s what you’re thinking? There’s got to be more than that.”
“I want some chocolate ice cream with whipped cream and hot fudge on the side.”
“You are just as flaky as Taylor!”
“I may have no deep thought process right now, but I am not Taylor.”
“Yeah, whatever. And I suppose if I asked Taylor what he was thinking right now, he’d tell me he wanted a chocolate bar?”
“Actually, Taylor has some pretty deep thoughts. He just likes being a flake.” I shrugged. “Come on, let’s get some ice cream. My mouth is like watering now.”
“I should have never asked.”
“I would have many you get some anyway.” He spotted a small ice cream shop down the road. As long as he could order in Spanish, we were alright. We approached the ice cream shop. Zac ordered (in Spanish) his chocolate ice cream with whipped cream and hot fudge.
“Do you want anything, Nic?”
“Do they have sundaes?”
“Of course they have sundaes.”
“Sorry, I can’t read Spanish. I’ll have a sundae.”
“What do you want on it?”
“Hot fudge, whipped cream and nuts.” Zac shook his head and ordered. We got our ice cream and sat down at one of the outside tables. I watched in amazement as Zac ate. He was a typical sixteen-year-old boy; he didn’t actually eat the food, he inhaled it. I giggled.
“What?” he asked, his mouth full of his ice cream.
“You’re cute. That’s all.” He shrugged and went back to his ice cream. “How can you even taste that? You’re shoving it down so fast. Slow down, there will be a tomorrow.”
“Huh? What does that mean?”
“You’re eating like there’s no tomorrow.”
“Oh…”
“No, you’re not related to Taylor, no…”
“Shut up and eat your ice cream. It’s getting cold.”
“It’s supposed to be cold!”
“Whatever.”
“Are you blond or what?”
“You’re blonde too!”
“At least I don’t act like it.”
“Didn’t I tell you to shut up and eat your ice cream? It’s starting to melt. Is that better? Did I meet your requirements?” he asked.
“You’re so cute.”
I took a bite from my ice cream as he wharfed down the final bite. He’s such a boy sometimes, but at least his comfortable being like this around me.
“Hurry up, woman!”
“Call me woman one more time and this ice cream’s going down your shorts.” He sat back and huffed as I purposely took my time to eat my sundae. I really didn’t want it, but I didn’t pay for it so I might as well eat it.
“If you don’t hurry I’m going back to the hotel without you.”
“But I don’t know how to get back! I don’t even know the name of the place we’re staying at!”
“You better hurry, then.”
“I don’t know how you didn’t get a brain freeze.”
“Less talk, more eat.” I gave him a look, then speedily wharfed down the last of the ice cream in much of the same manner he had, only I got more ice cream on my face.
I looked up at him and let out a large burp, then wiped my face and said a quaint “Excuse me.”
“Holy shit.”
“I’m done. We can go back to the hotel now.”
“I never knew you could do that.”
“Do what?”
“Eat like that. Burp like that. That was like a ten.” I smiled and got up.
“Let’s go, honey.”
“I love you!”