That night the temperature outside dropped, causing the hotel to be cold. It was summer, no one really packed for cold weather, but by the time people were getting ready for bed, everyone was ready to go out and buy a sweater. Zac did manage to convince his brothers to let me stay with them. He probably just had to stick Taylor in front of a lava lamp and he�d never know the difference. I noticed right from the start that the tension in the room couldn�t be cut with a knife. Zac led me onto the balcony, bringing a blanket with him. We sat there on the bench, the blanket wrapped around us.
�I had a nice conversation with Mom earlier,� I said.
�What about?�
�You.�
�Thanks for talking about me, babe,� he said, looking over at me.
�She knows a lot more about you then you gave her credit for, Zac.�
�Like what?�
�She mentioned you had quite a drug problem before and asked me how you were doing with that.�
�Mom knew I had a drug problem?� he asked, looking at me.
�Yes. And you never told me.�
�I�m still getting over my drug problem. I didn�t want to say anything until I was done with it.�
�She knows how much you and your brothers don�t get along. She knows about Taylor and Amber�s fight, and what it was about.�
�Mom just loves Amber.�
�No she doesn�t. She actually called Amber a slut.�
�Are you sure we�re talking about the same woman here?� I nodded. �Does she know about Amber and me?�
�No. She knows it�s Amber�s fault, but that�s pretty much it.�
�I thought she had no clue about us. She acts like she doesn�t.�
�All of you act like there�s nothing wrong. She just plays along. Zac, where do you think you get the ability to hide things? She�s the queen of manipulation. She just happens to not use it against people.�
�We�re all fake,� he said. �And I hate that. I don�t know who I am anymore. I don�t know how I�m supposed to act, I don�t know who I�m supposed to like and not like. I don�t know what I�m doing here. In the beginning it was all about the music, now it�s all about ourselves. If the individual isn�t happy, then the whole band suffers. We�ve forgotten what it�s like to be a band. We�re not a family anymore; we hate each other too much. We�ll do anything to get what we want, we have more problems than an arithmetic textbook. I don�t know what we�re going to do when this tour is over.�
Before I could say anything, Taylor and Isaac came onto the balcony, and threw a magazine in Zac�s lap. "What the fuck is that?� Taylor asked.
�It looks to me like a magazine, but there could very well be something else in there.�
�Like what?� Taylor asked.
�Maybe a map to some hidden treasure, Taylor.� His eyes perked up.
�Really?� he picked up the magazine and started looking through it.
�Taylor, put the magazine down,� Isaac scolded.
�Wait! I�m looking for the treasure map!� Isaac groaned.
�Oh God, we�re going to be here for a while.�
We waited until Taylor finished looking through the entire magazine. �I�m not seeing any maps.�
�It must have fallen out,� Zac said. I put my head lightly over my mouth, trying to hide my grin. �Go look for it.� Taylor put the magazine down and left. When the door was closed, the three of us burst out laughing.
Isaac was first to get over it. He threw the magazine back at Zac. �What did you tell that interviewer? She said we hate each other and we can�t get along. And she favored your story over ours.�
�Gee, Ike, the last time I checked we really did hate each other.�
�I don�t hate you, I just think you�re an invalid.�
�That�s your first problem,� I said. �If you actually looked at each other you�d realize all your problems were in your heads. Sure, Taylor is a flake and it�s hilarious taking advantage of it, but he�s still pretty smart. Ike, maybe once you could get your head out of your ass and realize Zac�s the smartest one out of the three of you. Or maybe you know that and you don�t want him to know that. Either way you need to stop thinking your God�s gift to the world. You�re not and I don�t know how Darling could love you so unconditionally. You�re the biggest bastard I�ve ever met.�
�Well, you�� Isaac searched for the words to come back to that. �Ugh!� He went inside. I smiled at Zac.
�That was good.�
�It felt good,� I said. �But Darling is going to have a cow when he tells her.�
�You really think so?� Zac asked. He looked inside at Isaac who had a prominent look of anger and truth on his face. �I don�t think he�s going to tell her. He knows it�s the truth and so does Darling.�
�I meant every word I said.� Zac looked back at me.
�You really think I�m the smartest of us three?�
�Of course! You�re the one who actually knows what�s going on. You give the most honest, intelligent answers to any question. Whether it�s about your music or how you�re feeling, you are always willing to be smart and share a piece of your brilliant mind.� He blushed. �Hey! I got you to blush! I am so great!� I said, and giggled. �Can I asked you something?�
�Too late.�
�Zac��
�I�m sorry, go ahead,� he told me. I smiled.
�If you had the chance to live the last ten years over, would you?� I asked, staring straight in his eyes. �Basically, if you could change your life, would you?�
�No.� I was surprised by his quick response.
�Why?�
�Nic, everything happens for a reason. If I changed one thing here or there, everything else wouldn�t work out. If four years ago I didn�t give Isaac one insult, I may have never met you.�
�You think meeting me is that significant?� I asked. I really didn�t think much of meeting him. I�d never really analyzed my feelings for him. Sure I liked him, he meant a lot to me, maybe I shouldn�t have rushed into letting him know that I loved him, because I wasn�t quite sure if I did.
�Meeting you is the most important thing in my life. You�re everything to me.�
Oh my God, I thought. Wasn�t the guy supposed to be afraid of commitment, of saying how they feel and feeling this way? He was really freaking me out. Yeah, I love being with him. Yeah, I absolutely love how honest we are with each other. He�s great; he�s wonderful. What am I worried about? Maybe it�s that damn LSD fucking me over.
I felt Zac�s arm around me. I looked off the balcony. We had the most perfect view of Paris, the Champs-�lysees was right out in front of us, lighting up the Arc de Triomphe, and further down, Place de la Concorde. If I stretched my head far enough, I could almost see the Louvre. Paris was really my second home. I lived back in Florida with my mother, sometimes, but I really loved Paris. It was easier, it was more fun, and really, the French were very nice to me.
�Nic?� Darling�s voice said from the door to the balcony. I looked over. �Um, something happened that I need you to help me with.�
�Is it serious?� I asked.
�Yeah. Pretty.� I immediately got up and followed Darling to the girl�s room. I walked in and saw Amber lying on the floor, out cold.
�Oh my God, what happened?� I asked Darling. Where were the other girl�s and Mom?
�I lost my temper.�
�You hit her? Darling! What did you do to her?�
�She was yelling at me and I just got sick of it so I hit her. I didn�t think I hit her that hard but she just fell over and didn�t wake up.�
�How long has she been out?�
�Ten minutes, tops. I tried waking her up, but it�s not working. I need you to help me get her up and onto the bed.�
�Okay. You get her feet.� I went to Amber�s head and grabbed her arms. Darling took her feet and we both lifted. Nothing happened.
�God Amber, you need to lose some weight,� Darling muttered.
�No, we just need to get stronger. Let�s try again. I personally don�t think we�re doing it right.�
�Well I don�t know another way to do it. On three. One, two, three!� We both lifted, and once again, nothing happened.
�Dammit.�
�I can�t believe we can�t lift 105 pounds together.�
�I�m getting Zac.�
�Oh no you�re not! He�ll make a big deal about this!�
�Darling she�s unconscious! I personally think it�s a big deal. Zac wouldn�t say anything.�
�But Nic�� �Don�t but Nic me! I�m getting Zac! If I really beg, he�ll never say a word to anyone.� Darling pouted and plopped on the edge of the bed. I left the room and entered the boys� room. Zac was writing in a notebook at the table.
�Zac, we need your help.�
�Hold on a sec, I�m almost done.� I waited for him to finish his thought. He looked over his work and then put down his pencil. �Okay.� He got up and followed me to the girls� room.
�Wait, before we go in, you have to promise me you�re not going to say anything to anyone about what happened in there.�
�Why? What happened?�
�You have to promise.�
�Yeah, I promise. What happened?�
�Darling hit Amber. She�s unconscious now and we need you to help put her body on the bed.�
�What? Darling didn�t kill her, did she?� I shook my head. �You�re making it sound like she did.�
�Will you do it?�
�Yeah. Why couldn�t you?�
�Because we suck at lifting. We can�t do it.� Zac rolled his eyes.
�You are so pathetic.� I gave him a look and opened the door. Darling was still pouting on the bed; Amber was still out on the floor. �Okay, where do you want her?�
�On the bed Darling�s pouting on. And put her on the side, two other girls have to sleep there.� Zac scooped Amber effortlessly off the ground and placed her on the side of the bed.
�Now how hard was that?� he asked.
�Shut the fuck up,� Darling said.
�Oh, Darling, does your hand hurt? Is that why you�re so irritable? Or it something else?� Zac asked.
�Zac, go away,� Darling said. �It�s bad enough you had to find out I did this.�
�I�m so glad somebody hit her. Maybe she�ll shut up for a while.�
�When she wakes up she�ll be more than a bitch than before,� Darling said.
�God, Darling, why�d you have to go and hit her? I�ll be staying with Zac tonight.�
�You�re not leaving me with her!�
�Where�d the other girls go?� I asked.
�They left sometime when Amber and I were fighting. I don�t know when they�ll be back and she might wake up.�
�It depends on how hard you hit her.�
�I don�t know if it�s enough to keep her out until they come back.�
�Okay, Darling. Zac and I will stay with you until they get back.�
�You mean we actually have to stay here?� Zac asked.
�I think that�s what I just said.�
�Oh. Let me get my notebook then.� He got up and left the room. He returned soon with his notebook and a pencil. He sat down at the table and started writing.
�Whatcha doing honey?� I asked, walking up beside him.
�Writing.�
�Well duh. What are you writing?�
�Lyrics. I haven�t written since before you hopped on the bandwagon, and I�ve been itching to.�
�I forgot you guys write you own music. Can I look at it? Or are you one of those more secretive writers?�
�No, go ahead. That�s really all I can think of right now.� I picked up his notebook, looking over four lines of a new song.
Wrap me around your finger, babe
Twist my strings and pull at my heart
Coil me about your lips, my babe
I want that pain you�ve never known
Okay, I was never one to understand how someone could just sit in front of a notebook and pour out of their hand something that could take a life of its own. This was no exception. He had a brilliant wordplay; I nearly melted right there reading over a few beautiful words he�d jotted down.
�I could shoot you and steal your brain so I could write like this.�
�So you like it?�
�Yeah!� I hit him over the head with the notebook.
�Hey! Watch the notebook.�
�What? The notebook�s more important than your precious hair, honey?� I ran my hand through his hair.
�The notebook�s more important than you.�
"Hey!" I grabbed the notebook and hit him a few more times with it. �You take that back.�
�Fine. The notebook�s not more important than you. I forgot you�re everything to me, Nic.�
�Damn straight.�
�Aren�t you supposed to be paying attention to me?� Darling asked. I turned to her.
�We said we�d stay here. We never said we�d actually pay attention to you.�
�Well at least include me in the conversation! I�m feeling left out.�
�Oh, poor Darling. Come over here. We�ll include you in the conversation. At least, we�ll try.� Darling walked over and stopped on the opposite side of Zac.
�Don�t you write a lot of the songs, Zac?� Darling asked.
�I write all of the songs. Taylor and Ike just sit around and watch. They play the parts of the songs that I write for them.�
�Do I sense a little resentment?�
�Yes! When we started out they wrote the songs with me. And they wrote some great songs. They just got tired of it, so now it�s just me writing all the songs and people still give them credit. I personally am sick of it.�
�Well, Zac, you write some brilliant songs,� Darling said. �I mean if I had half the talent you do��
�Oh shut up.�
�No, I�m serious! You�re excellent!�
�Well as much as I love hearing about how wonderful I am, you need to shut up and let me write.�
The door opened and Mom walked in. �Where�d everyone go?� she asked. She saw Amber on the bed. �I see Amber fell asleep.�
�Yeah,� Darling said. �She was just completely knocked out." I grinned and Darling gave me a knowing smile. "The girls went downstairs for a little bit. Your son is keeping us company.�
�Hi Mom,� Zac said, offering a wave with the hand he wasn�t writing with.
�Hi baby.� She walked over and gave him a kiss on his head. She glanced at the notebook to see what he was writing. She squeezed his shoulders. �Well I just came by to see how you all were doing. I hope the girls come back soon, it�s getting pretty late.�
�It�s ten-thirty, Mom.�
�That�s still pretty late. You all should be in bed by now. You have to wake up early tomorrow.�
�We�ll go to sleep as soon as the girls get back, Mom,� Zac said.
�Okay, I�ll be going then.� Mom walked to the door but stopped before she opened it. �Oh, and Zac, if you really wanted to have a room with Nic you should have asked me before bribing your brothers. I�m easier to negotiate with.�
Zac�s eyes widened as Mom left the room.
�How the fuck did she find out about that?�
Mom poked her head back in. �And another thing, Ike likes cocaine more than heroin.� The door closed and Zac stiffened.
�What the hell?�
Amber woke up not long after the girls got back to the room. Clumsily, she got up and walked over to Darling. Zac and I were about just about to leave when she began to speak-well, yell.
�Don�t you ever fucking hit me again, you got that? I cannot believe you did that! I will so have your head if you ever lay another finger on me. I have enough gossip to make or break you, Darling. Don�t you think I won�t use it cause I�ll destroy you the first chance I get.� I saw how tense Darling was getting. She was going to hit Amber again, very soon.
�Darling, don�t do it.�
�Amber, you my want to look in a mirror. I think you have a little something on your face there,� Darling said, grinning.
Amber walked over to the mirror on the wall, and the first thing she saw was the large forming bruise on her left cheek.
�Oh my God Darling what did you do to me?� Amber screamed.
�Shut up you whiney little bitch.�
�Oh my God I�m getting a bruise! I can�t believe this!�
�I said shut up!� Amber ran back to Darling.
�I swear by the time morning comes you life will be so destroyed. I�m gonna��
Darling cut her off by punching her in the face.