Taking Chances
chapter 2
by Ritz
Hiei--"It'll fade"
Ritz's note: All characters mentioned in this fic are the property of Togashi-sama and the nice people who produced YYH...I don't suggest sueing me because it'll be a waste of your time and money because I'm just a measely student who doesn't have enough in her account for a laser printer. (I still have the horrifying Dot Matrix ones...*grimaces*) BTW, this fic is yaoi. So if you have a problem with male/male relationships, stop reading now and go to my other fics! ^^
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I sat down heavily on a tree branch, panting. What's the matter with me? I thought. Why am I shaking so much? How come my hands are so clammy? So cold? I'm a fire demon! I'm not SUPPOSED to get cold! And why am I breathing so heavily after running? I'm SUPPOSED to be in good shape! That little run shouldn't have winded me like this!!!
Baka, spoke a voice in my mind. It's not how long you were running or even the fact that you were running. It's who you were running from. Kurama.
Kurama...an image of the redhead with the expressive eyes suddenly appeared in my mind. What in the Makai happened? I thought sullenly. Did that stupid fox say what I thought he said? We were talking about Yuuske and Keiko and then the next thing I knew, he was clutching my shoulders and telling me..
"I love you".
I love you...I mulled over this thought and frowned. What is that stupid fox trying to do? He loves me?!? How the hell did THAT happen?!? When?!? Hell, I admit I'm attracted to him. There's no denying that he's beautiful. But love?!?! It's never crossed my mind that we could be more than friends.
"It's always been...you."
It's always been me? That means that dumb fox must of loved me for some time now. My eyes widened as realization struck me. So that's why he did all those things! Periodically placing a hand on my shoulder, always bandaging my arm after using Kokuryhua, always looking at me with a dreamy smile on his face. He always seemed to know what I was doing, always trusted my decisions, and I realized with a start that his face was always the first one that I saw when I woke up.
K'sou, I swore silently, so that stupid fox does loves me. And now I'm trapped. Trapped by his love.
"It isn't a trap, Hiei. When you love someone...it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. You two give yourselves to each other."
I snorted. Give myself to anyone? A bitter expression crossed my face. Even if I did want to give myself to someone, who would want me? After all, I'm the Forbidden Child.
"But it's not slavery. It's a bonding...between two people...between two souls. The world becomes beautiful. Everything seems...alive. You're willing to forgive more...to forget more. You're...complete."
Complete? What the hell was that supposed to mean? I'm complete. I don't need love. I've got a lot on my hands as it is. I've got work from Mukuro, those stupid ningens, my sister and my best frie--
I stopped myself in mid-thought. Or did I have a best friend anymore? Now that Kurama had propositioned me and told me his feelings, would that still make him my best friend? I cursed again, this time at Kurama. Stupid fox. Just had to make a perfectly fine relationship more complicated. Well, I'm just going to have to ignore it and let it fade away.
What if it doesn't fade away? The voice in my mind whispered.
It will, I told myself. I must have imagined that hurt in his voice as I ran away from him. There's no way that someone like me can cause another so much pain.
It'll fade.
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Ritz ^.~ June 10-13, 1998
