by Melody Bowen
And I did. I did, I did, I did!
Tonight is my anniversary; exactly two weeks ago (Thursday, February 24 at 11 p.m., to be precise), I had my final cigarette. I've made it two weeks without buying, bumming, or even cheating by snagging a little drag from one of my smoker friends. Woohoo! (And I'm doubly proud to say that I've quit smoking and lost weight at the same time -- none of that weight gain that everyone expects!) I'm so, so delighted to celebrate my two-week anniversary tonight.
I'd say it's a great time for annivesaries, actually, because I have another one tomorrow. Friday, March 11 marks three years since I did a very, *very* good thing. Three years ago tomorrow, I marched into court armed with a petition for divorce and stood before a judge, assuring her that, yes, I had been married since April 25, 1992, and, no, I didn't think there was any way to "save the marriage". (Incidentally, I merely replied, "No, your honor," instead of what first came to mind, which was something on the order of, "I wouldn't reconcile with that sniveling weasel if the world was flooded with urine and he lived in a tall, tall tree." Somehow I didn't think Her Honor would appreciate that.) At any rate, I've been divorced for three years tomorrow, and it's amazing how good it feels. Scratch that; it's amazing how absolutely fan-freakin'-tabulous it feels!
I thought about it a lot tonight, and it occurred to me that I'm a much happier person now. Which is surprising, actually, because it's been a tough year, quite frankly. I've had some personal challenges this year, and it feels like a bit of an understatement to say they were "difficult at best". Nevertheless, I'm hanging in there, and life is good. In fact, my good friend Jessica said something to me tonight that I found truly flattering, something that really surprised me. Jess told me that she admired me, essentially because she felt that I'd "found happiness". She said she sees me working and going to school and having a good time and living happily among my herd of snorting little pugs, and she said she was sort of envious. Which made me feel absolutely *fabulous*.
I was incredibly flattered by what she said (thanks, Jess), and it feels great to say that it's true. I'm not where I expected to be at this age, and perhaps my life is not the way I once pictured it. But it's *my* life, and I'm loving it. I feel incredibly blessed to have a job I enjoy (even on days when it feels somewhat Dilbert-esque), and I feel lucky to be surrounded by people I love (both family and friends). I enjoy driving home from work every day in my little Honda (not an SUV), which has a pair of stilettos and my gym bag in the back seat (no soccer balls), and I can listen to AC/DC or Bonnie Raitt or Beethoven or all three (no Barney, no Elmo, no Big Bird), and I can listen to it as loud as I damn well wish (right on!).
Sometimes I think back to the girl who was married to Blowhole... er, I meant to say "my former husband" (oh, the hell I did -- "Blowhole" is innocuous in comparison to what I'd like to call him sometimes). I can honestly say that I barely recognize that girl anymore. I barely remember what it felt like to live in her skin, except that I know living in this skin is much, much better. Maybe it seems a little cynical to write that I'm preparing to celebrate the anniversary of my divorce tomorrow, but maybe that's not entirely the case. Instead, maybe it's more like a birthday -- or a re-birth day -- a day when the woman I was meant to be was finally revealed.
So, tomorrow I'll raise a glass (and I hope you'll join me) as I celebrate the anniversary of writing off a lousy relationship with a weasel, and blowing off a long relationship with cigarettes. Leaving both behind made me feel phenomenal. So, for this annivesary, here's a toast to the former loverboys in my life -- Mr. Marlboro Man and the notorious Mr. Blowhole:
"Here's to men who only speak what's true.
Here's to friends who always stand behind you.
Here's to life, which can often surprise you.
Here's to adventure, which keeps life fresh and new.
Here's to change, and all the good it can do.
And last, here's saying to you both, "Screw you!"
2nd note to self: Happy anniversary(-ies), chica. How about a great big "Woohoo!"?