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The College Film Zone: Illegal Aliens In The Conspiracy Department - Written by DarkZelgadis

Source material: One Of The Many Insane Forum Members Of The Alien-UFOS.com Forums

The US accepts bribes to keep monopoly companies togather. This helps the economy in 2 ways; it helps by litteraly making people buy from the widespread stores and it helps by the bribe $$. When, in the past, companies were split up so, they were in financial trouble (hint, hint). This tells us about the US even more. EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND ECONOMY.

Look at Asperin, NOW the meriacle drug... but soon they will find something wrong, by then the economy will be happy enough with all the asperin people bought. Major examples of monopolies are Microsoft, Walmart, Kraft, and McDonalds. Others are SearsRoebuck, Lego, General Mills, Goodyear, and General Motors. Please except this in its context. In addition, we use poor countries that get VERY, VERY low wages to get raw meterials from at a cheap price for OUR benifit.

I look forward to replies, put please don't make them pointless.

Sometimes you read things that make you shocked. Sometimes you read things that make you laugh. Yet other times, there are things you read that make you weep with tears of joy. This next piece, known as "Corperate Americs- The World Superpower," is none of these. This work bored me, bored me with it's sheer genius. The author of this work is Mr. CMA, a well known and respected Internet author in the college circuit. The things he writes are beyond incoherent, and that is why his works are so interesting. No other author would dare do the things Mr. CMA does, and that is exactly why he is loved by the twenty-something espresso drinking art fag group that I belong to. Nobody else understands why CMA is great, because they're just a bunch of boorish pedestrians who are also probably Republicans.

The masterpiece all begins with the simple line: "The US accepts bribes to keep monopoly companies togather." After reading this it hits you, this is no ordinary crap. This is the best crap ever written. This first line is oozing with subtleties that average men can not comprehend. At first, a normal man would think that Mr. CMA is talking about monopolies and bribes and even keeps. They would be wrong, so wrong that they should be banned from reading any literature ever again. The obvious meaning of the line is there. CMA is talking about the MTV-created boy band 2gether. Of course, everyone forgot about this invented boy band long long ago. It's a shame, because their last album "US Bribes To Keep Monopoly Companies" was an awesome seventy-nine hour long album. Who could possibly forget wonderful songs like "Girl I'm Talking Right Now, So If You Keep Talking While I'm Talking I'll Slit Your Fucking Throat You Bitch!" and "No Darius, I Don't Have Anger Issues & I'll Kill The Cowboy Who Told You I Did?" I know CMA and I can't, and neither should you.

"This helps the economy in 2 ways;" is an important line that just oozes importance. It's so important, in fact, that it deserves a whole paragraph devoted to it. Here CMA is talking about helping the economy is two (2) ways. Now, the average person would figure CMA is talking about money. I of course, am not the average person and I can see the deep symbolism underneath it. CMA has a friend named Economy Jones, and he is doing very poorly in school. He is asking the Internet for help, because if Economy Jones does good in school CMA will inherit five bazillion dollars. Yes, five bazillion dollars. The government has made an elusive five bazillion dollar bill, and it will only be rewarded to a person with the name Economy Jones that does well in school. So, CMA wants Economy to do well so he can get this five bazillion dollar bill. He will simply destroy Economy after he does well in school, then Congress will step in and raise tariffs on steel, for some reason.

"it helps by litteraly making people buy from the widespread stores and it helps by the bribe $$." This is the rest of the last sentence I quoted. After the semicolon, CMA completely changes his thought process. He probably doesn't want the FBI finding out his evil plan involving Economy. Anyway, here CMA is talking about the venereal disease known as Litteraly Widespread Stores (LWS). You can get this disease by simply looking at the shoulders of a member of the opposite gender. Of course, LWS is a secret government project that CMA knows about. He also happens to know that the only way this project can achieve funding is if they get two small dollar signs. One time, this guy tried to fund the LWS Project with these two dollar signs ($$) but the government would not have it. No, the only way to fund this awesome project was to get two small black dollar signs. Luckily for the people of the world, Mr. CMA is here to blow the whistle on this made up government conspiracy. Thank you, oh great CMA!

After calling attention to this Huge Government Conspiracy™, CMA decided to rant about something unrelated. Of course, what do you expect from such a lovable piece of shit like CMA? A piece of shit that is, in fact, the excrement of genius! "When, in the past, companies were split up so, they were in financial trouble (hint, hint)." Here CMA starts off by talking about his rocky past with a girl named Rachel Company. Rachel and CMA had a decent relationship for a while, but one day Rachel met an older guy named Jack Enron and ran off with him. CMA never recovered from this, and that is one of the many reasons he harbors blind hatred of businesses. After the talk about his only girlfriend, CMA decides to give the readers a big hint. He is telling everyone that he is also in financial trouble, because that scheming bitch Rachel took all his money (.32¢) and he's pissed about it. So he is asking his huge fan base (five fans) to chip in some money. I know I'll be sending him an expired Campbell's soup coupon, what will you send him?

Now, I can pretend that the next line of CMA's story is about the previous topic, but then I'd just be pulling things out of my ass. I'm here to explain hidden meanings, not completely make them up! I would never just make things up, because that would be unprofessional! I'm serious about my journalism, and I intend to take the Internet out of Internet journalism with my hard hitting College Film Zone entries. Enough about me and my hard-hitting awesomeness, let's get on to the next line. "This tells us about the US even more." Here CMA is talking about us. You see, CMA and I are in fact secret homosexual lovers. I guess it isn't a secret anymore since I just told you all about it. There are many instances of the word "penis" in CMA's work, you just have to strain your eyes really hard for about sixteen minutes. If you look on page 72 of "Ironing for - Amerika - The $truggle of a - Komunist in Corperate- Arkanzaz," the phrase 'large elephant phallus getting jerked off by an angry man named Louie' appears in the upper right column. It's in white ink, so I don't expect any of you fools to actually notice it. Now you will, if only you take the time to look.

"EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND ECONOMY." The average person would assume CMA is talking about his plan involving Economy Jones once again. That would be wrong. This time CMA is telling the world about the hidden planet behind Pluto. That's right, the hidden planet that not even astrologists know about yet is the planet Economy. In CMA's "- Planet Economy: $$ Corperaute Gred -" book, he gives tons of evidence supporting that the planet Economy exists. Not just that, but apparently everything revolves around this hidden planet. Also, CMA mentions that the Economist people of Economy control the universe with their crisp blue dollar bills that have CMA's face on them.

After going on about the hidden planet, CMA decided to take a turn for the completely insane. "Look at Asperin, NOW the meriacle drug..." is where the author really goes off his rocker. In this passage, CMA is talking about a rare animal he has mentioned several times in previous works. The most prominent mentions of this rare animal is in his book, "Meriacle - Asperin -$ Dragon Animal: & Corperutate -Greed." CMA decided to bring up the rare Meriacle Asperin Dragon Animal once again in this work. Now, most common people would guess that this Meriacle Asperin Dragon Animal thing is the product of CMA watching way too much Japanese anime scat porn. Those people would probably be right, since that's exactly where this idea came from. Everybody knows there is no such thing as a Meriacle Asperin Dragon Animal, no matter how hard CMA tries to convince the world otherwise.

"but soon they will find something wrong, by then the economy will be happy enough with all the asperin people bought." Next, CMA talks about people buying his made-up creature. I'm not quite sure why someone would want to buy an imaginary creature made up from Japanese anime scat porn, but I'm sure there's some sort of fetish market for it. Perhaps though, the meaning to that can be found in the second half of the sentence I just quoted. The planet Economy is brought up again, which makes this neo-hippie wonder, why would the Economists want to sell Asperin Animals? Of course I figured it out, since I know everything. The Economists want to buy these horrid dragon things so they can invade the planet Earth. Of course, little known to the Economists, the United States Task Force Against Meriacle Asperin Dragon Animals (USTFAMADA) will stand in their way. I believe that after many explosions, the USTFAMADA will reign victorious and somehow set-up a Jewish state on the planet Economy.

"Major examples of monopolies are Microsoft, Walmart, Kraft, and McDonalds." It should be clear to anybody with a working brain what this means. CMA is talking about corporate sponsors of the game everybody loves to hate, Monopoly! Yes, the various corporate Monopoly versions will soon be complete. Imagine how much fun it will be when you put three hotels on Ronald McDonald Ave. Just think of the Hambugular bucks you'll be making when one of your friends lands there! Either that, or CMA is talking about these four companies in a more abstract way. I think CMA thinks that Microsoft, Wal-Mart, Kraft, and McDonalds will all form some sort of giant robot that will destroy the universe. Yeah, he probably believes something stupid like that.

"Others are SearsRoebuck, Lego, General Mills, Goodyear, and General Motors." I'm not even going to waste my breath on this one. We all know that it has been a bad year ever since General Motors and General Mills have illegally invaded Iraq. I don't even want to talk about how SearsRoebuck and Lego are a bunch of murderers who devour the souls of innocent Iraqi children, so I won't.

"Please except this in its context." Now CMA is losing his steam. Sure, he expects to get his deeper meanings across to people smart enough to understand them. Of course, nobody except for me does understand how much of a genius he is, so a lot of it is lost on the common people. So how can these common people put something so subtle in context? They can't, and CMA is expected far too much. Maybe one day he'll learn to cater to pseudo-intellectual assholes, but until then he'll write silly things like this.

Now, I would be lying if I were to say CMA doesn't rebound well. The last two lines of his are the work of an insane genius, I must say. "In addition, we use poor countries that get VERY, VERY low wages to get raw meterials from at a cheap price for OUR benifit." Here CMA is talking about the rampant illegal poor country usage problem we have here in the good ole United States of Canada. CMA thinks that the USC should go to a poor country rehab center, so it can finally clean up it's ways. CMA also wants USC to stop wearing tight leather pants, which is totally unrelated to the whole illegal poor country usage problem. After his intermission with the USC, CMA talks about Materials Benifit. Materials Benifit was a friend of his who he met in his "Conspiracy- Writing Class-- Add Lots - Of Hy-thens 101." Materials and CMA were the best of friends, and they would frequently frolic in rose gardens. These days, things aren't as bright. Materials is CMA's arch-nemesis, a prolific writer of conspiracy theories CMA can only dream about. I find Materials' work to be quite sub par myself though, but that's only because he's really famous and stuff.

Finally, CMA decides it's time to end this rant about Economy and dollar signs. "I look forward to replies, put please don't make them pointless." This end statement doesn't have many deep meanings. The only one I can see at the moment involves Materials. CMA is telling Materials that his writings are pointless and that he looks forward to 'replies.' By replies CMA means killer bees who breathe fire. He never was quite sane, but that's why he is such a great writer. So cheers to you CMA, you are the most insanely boring genius ever to exist!

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