Sake Sake

The College Film Zone - Written by DarkZelgadis

So your eyes dart around the monochrome landscape. You want to scream but the only sound that escapes your lungs sounds suspiciously like an ice cream truck jingle. Your heart races, and then suddenly you see a sad clown flipping a pancake. You don�t know what to make out of this, so you suddenly dart around a corner. To your dismay you see a seven sided green stop sign labeled �Go!�

�This must be a horrible nightmare!� you repeat to yourself over and over. However, this is no nightmare my friend. You have entered a world where everything makes sense in some dense symbolic fashion. Yes my friend, you have just entered the College Film Zone. It�s a bit like the �No Spin Zone� of Bill O�Reiley, except it isn�t on the Fox News channel. Actually, it�s nothing like that. I�m a horrible liar. The College Film Zone is a nightmare of nonsensical madness. Ignore that last sentence. This place makes tons of sense if you manage to see past the obtuse symbolism. For example, let�s example the first paragraph and dissect the significance of the strange world of college films.

�Your eyes dart around the monochrome landscape.� This opening sentence is filled with some of that obtuse symbolism I was talking about. By using the word �your�, the author of this little fable is clearly making a plea to the common man. That is to say, this is a tale about the proletariat of some land. The darting of eyes clearly symbolizes the dart board of life. A dart board filled with poorly aimed darts, and the few darts in the concentric circle known as the bull�s eye. The poorly aimed darts, not surprisingly, represent the poor citizens of this made up land. In contrast, the few darts concentrated in the middle of the �dart board� make up the rich upper class. Then the author talks about a monochrome landscape. The black and white landscape is obviously symbolic of racial tension.

�You want to scream but the only sound that escapes your lungs sounds suspiciously like an ice cream truck jingle.� Yet more deep symbolism brought to us by our nameless college author. The screaming in the sentence refers to the youthful rebellion. However, the screams sound like an ice cream truck jingle. This tells us that the youthful rebellion has been quenched by the forces of censorship (or ice cream, or something. I don�t know what the hell the point of that was.)

�Your heart races, and then suddenly you see a sad clown flipping a pancake.� Oh boy, another fun filled sentence of crap. The heart racing bit is obviously referring to the old cartoon �Speed Racer�. In fact, if you get a magnifying glass and look really closely, you will see a mention to Racer X. (It�s hidden in the word �heart�, just so you know where to look.) After that, there is some mention of a sad clown or something equally stupid. I believe the sad clown represents either President George W. Bush or an Oscar Meyer wiener. I�m not sure what the author of this retarded piece of �literature� had in mind. Although, the Bush symbol makes more sense since most kids think Bush is a clown thanks to a NOFX cover. It would also make sense because he�s flipping a pancake, and I guess that�s symbolic for cutting education or something. You never know with these artsy-fartsy types, they can find meaning in anything.

�You don�t know what to make out of this, so you suddenly dart around a corner.� Okay, this sentence doesn�t even have a deeper meaning. I�ll pretend it does though, to keep your interest. The reference to making something out of this is clearly talking about being a carpenter. Yes, the author is brainwashing you into being a carpenter. I believe this because his dorm is leaky and he needs someone to fix the god damned roof. Then he talks about darts again, which makes me wonder if he drinks a lot. I mean, think about it. You usually play darts in a bar. He mentioned the word �darts� twice now, meaning he goes to a bar and drinks �twice� every hour. It�s all in there people, you just have to find it.

�To your dismay you see a seven sided green stop sign labeled �Go!�� The meaning of this one is painfully obvious. The seven sided green stop sign is obviously a symbol for the evil fascists who kicked the author out of his apartment for not paying the rent. The landlord was probably wearing a green shirt or something, or he might have been Irish. I�m sure there�s some bizarre connection here. The seven sides of the stop sign clearly symbolism the author�s sexual preference for seven year old boys. It�s all in there. The part where the sign is labeled �Go� obviously refers to the fact that he wants the cops to �go away!� when he�s molesting the youngsters.

Eh, who the hell am I kidding? This thing makes no sense at all. There is no deeper meaning in it. The person who made this is not a genius. Hell, this crap makes Evangelion look like it made perfect sense. In short, college films don�t make sense and they never will.

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