Sake Sake

The College Film Zone: Cats in the Kitchen with Dina - Written by DarkZelgadis

Source material: Cat of the Day

Full of fleas and hungry, Flakey appeared on my daughter's doorstep. My two little granddaughters, then seven and two, immediately fell in love with him. My daughter immediately heard cries, "Can we keep him?" Needless to say, those two little faces spoke the words without ever uttering a sound. But, after seeing their pleas were fruitless, a scheme was devised. Since they could not keep him but still wanted to see him, they cried out, "Let's give him to Gran and Papa who recently just lost their cat.

My first view of Flakey came after I had shut my eyes and waited to hear the words, "Surprise." There were two little girls, bright faces shining as they revealed their gift to us. From then he captured our hearts.

"Full of fleas and hungry" refers to the author's personal life. I am well aware that the author of this piece engages in some strange animal fetishes that cause her hair to be filled with fleas. Also, using my ability of knowing everything, I can conclude that the author is hungry because of a religious fasting ritual. Using my omniscient skills, I know that the author is part of the "Flakey's Cat" cult. This cult is notorious (at least in my mind) for loving cats and being generally bizarre.

"Flakey appeared on my daughter's doorstep" is a simple reference to Flakey, the leader of this cult. Many people believe that Flakey has magical abilities because he can just appear on the doorsteps of females randomly. Many conspiracy theories exist on this, however since I am a scholar of these sorts of things I know better. It's obvious that Flakey is an alien, anyway.

"My two little granddaughters, then seven and two, immediately fell in love with him." This is an obvious reference to the charismatic nature of the evil Flakey. Either that, or Flakey can hypnotize people by appearing cute and cuddly. It's a shame that Flakey has to destroy his owners after he has used them to get his way. Oh well, that's the price a cat-owner has to pay sometimes.

The next line about cries or whatever really has no hidden meaning. It means what it says, stupid. I can't believe how dumb you are. However, after that there are lairs upon lairs of deep meaning. "Needless to say, those two little faces spoke the words without ever uttering a sound." This line is referring to the author's personal demons. You see, the author of this material has a deep fear of lawn gnomes. She believes that lawn gnomes are alive and that they are planning her death. She heard the evil voices of the lawn gnomes in her head, and she figured that this cat was the only way to get rid of those evil little bastards. Of course, she was wrong on two points. 1) Lawn gnomes aren't evil, nay, lawn gnomes are the good guys here. 2) Flakey the cat is very evil. In fact, he's so evil that I can't even describe how evil he is without dying. Therefore, I'll just leave it at that and not risk my life.

"But, after seeing their pleas were fruitless, a scheme was devised." This line is talking about fruit, so some odd reason. You see, in the ancient days of the cat's dictatorships, they used fruit as money. The most valuable fruit was a banana, which would be the equivalent to a hundred dollar bill of the modern era. The meaning of a fruitless plan is obvious then. Flakey brainwashed the little children into being his helpless slaves. Apparently, Flakey has told the children to create a plan. A most evil plan that would get him into this house, and from there he will CONQUER THE WORLD!

"Since they could not keep him but still wanted to see him, they cried out, 'Let's give him to Gran and Papa who recently just lost their cat'." This sentence shows the evil mastermind of Flakey at work. Flakey knew he wouldn't be able to live in this evil woman's house because she seemed to hate cats. So he told the children to take him to their grandparent's house, since they were old and stupid. Flakey could manipulate them easier than this stupid hag who hated his presence. Plus, the cat that was lost was an agent of Flakey's. Flakey gave orders to Agent Puddles to leave the grandparent's house so he could install his dictatorship there. After the old fogies were under Flakey's control, he promised Puddles a high rank in the Secret Cat Army (SCA).

The next two sentences doesn't really have a hidden meaning. There's nothing there. It's just recounting the grandmother's story of our noble leader, Overlord Flakey. The next sentence holds the most significance of all of them. "From then he captured our hearts." is quite literally referring to Flakey's rise to power. He first captured the hearts of his owners in a figurative sense, and as time went on he literally took them out of their bodies. The grandparent's house is now a huge castle with dramatic thunder and lightning in the background. We all must follow Overlord Flakey, because if we don't we will surely die.

Come, join us. You must join us. You have no choose. If you do not join us you will die. You must follow Overlord Flakey. You must follow Overlord Flakey.

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