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REAL LIFE Man scrutinises woman to find out why she looks so uncomfortable Probing, 2-hour analysis fails to reveal why a total stranger is growing increasingly agitated. Everything reminds tourist of his time back in �Nam ...As soon as I heard the rattle of gunfire above my head, it was impossible not to be reminded of my time back in 'Nam, when I was standing in a crowd of tourists, all rapidly clicking away with their hi-tech cameras... Man strings woman along by having genuine interest in her According to his friends, Bob O'Connor has been stringing along this girl, trying to get to know her better by arranging regular dates... Man receives 'Dear John' letters every single day A man's mail box is full to the brim with 'Dear John' letters... SCIENCE Painful accidents and mishaps turn out to be funny Why do we naturally find it funny when someone trips over? Why do we smile when someone harmlessly falls off their bike? And why, when someone picks up a serious injury, do their harrowing screams only heighten the sense of amusement? ACTUAL NEWS McCain: presidential race is just a popularity contest Ex-presidential candidate, John McCain, says the race to the White House is just a relentless pursuit of votes...

DEBATE Food and drink or love? A lonely middle-aged woman and a desperate, starving African child debate which is the most important - food and drink or love. ADVERTISING Millions angry as ITV interrupt adverts for football ITV received thousands of complaints from distressed viewers after they cut short a Ford Focus advert in favour of the live F.A Cup tie between Liverpool and Everton. Heartfelt, meaningful song turns out to be ideal marketing tool Apple have done a wonderful job with their new advert, combining the feeling and sadness behind a little-known Johnny Cash song to achieve record sales for their even newer iPhone... OPINION Journalist settles debate once and for all with his opinion Tired of reading through the various pros and cons, Billy Thistle puts the issue completely to bed for the very last time with his highly-controversial take on the week's events...

BREAKING NEWS Man who takes everything with a pinch of salt suffers massive heart attack Paul Phillips is a very laid-back man, who takes everything with a pinch of salt. Unfortunately it has caused serious health problems. After saving her husband's bacon, woman regrets having such a small fridge After preventing 5 slices of streaky bacon going needlessly to waste, Sue Lane from Blackpool simply has nowhere to store it. Author overhyphenating words through sheer bloody-mindedness Unfortunately for readers, Anne Kahn doesn't come from a I'm-not-going-to-hyphenate-words-because-I-don't-know-where-to-put-a-hyphen background. Woman using cliches like they're going out of fashion Jane Elis may not be happy about where her neighbours have constructed their new fence, but it's not the be all and end all so she's decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Student who falls in love at first sight wishes he�d taken a second look A university student was delighted when he recently fell totally in love at first sight. However, after taking a second look, it turns out she is average at best. Sadomasochist tries to treat others the way he�d like to be treated Following his mother's advice, a sadomasochist causes local people pain in order to achieve sexual gratification. NORMAL PEOPLE Why are they so thin? We look at the media's coverage of weight issues and ask: does it put pressure on women to makes themselves thin? Even slightly chubby women are ugly We collect snapshots of regular woman as they go about their daily business, blissfully unaware that their repulsive, slightly overweight bodies are about to be scrutinised and critisised down to the very last detail.

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