My Jokez!

UNDERWEAR

There was once a villager who got engaged to a girl from the neighboring village. One day he decided to walk there and visit his fianc�e. So he asked his mum to go and buy some material to make him some new underwear since he had been wearing his for 3 months.

His mum bought 5 meters and made two pairs for him with 2 meters leaving 3 meters spare. He put on his new underwear and his best kilt (skirt) and set off for the next village.

When he was half way there, he needed to go to the toilet, and took off his underwear, and hung it on a tree so as not to dirty it. When he was done, he forgot to put his underwear back on.

When he got to his fianc�e's house, he sat opposite her so as to show off his new underwear. The girl looked shocked. When the man saw her expression, he thought she was impressed with his new underwear, and said, "Do u like it? I have another 3 meters at home."

PROCTOLOGICAL EXAM

A few days before his proctological exam, a one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.
He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed his instructions, undressed and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's butt was that glass eye staring right back at him!
"You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

PICTURE

On their first night together, a newly wed couple gets ready for bed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing a beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished with her beauty.
"Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "Oh my goodness, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture."
Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why are you wearing a robe, we are married now." The man opens his robe and she exclaims,
"oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture".
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!

THE SALESMAN

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.
Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents."
"Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents."
The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his "thing" into the opening - with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for two weeks.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his "thingy"...
Which now had a button sewed on the tip.

THREE WISHES

One day, an old woman was sitting in her rocking chair on her front porch. Beside her slept her mangy, old hound, Rex. Suddenly, a genie appeared, startling the old woman.
"Old woman," the genie said, "I felt sorry for you sitting here looking old and tired, so I decided to grant you three wishes."
The old woman thought about it and said, "Well, I've always wanted to be a young, beautiful princess."
*Poof* The genie turned her into a young, beautiful princess.
The princess thought some more and said, "A princess should live in a castle, so could you do something about this old shack?"
*Poof* The old shack was tranformed into a huge castle.
Again the princess thought then asked,"Shouldn't a beautiful princess have a handsome prince?"
The genie looked around and spotted Rex.
*Poof* Rex was transformed into a handsome Prince.
"Well, my work here is done," the genie said and he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
The princess gazed at Rex the handsome prince and felt heart beating rapidly for he was the most handsome man she had ever seen. Rex, the handsome prince, strolled up the the beautiful princess and kissed her passionately.
She melted in his arms and cried, "Take me Rex! Take me now!"
Rex then whispered in her ear, "Bet you're sorry that you had me neutered now!"

ZEBRA

A farmer went to the market to buy some new animals. He looked all day but couldn't find anything he didn't already have.
Finally at the end of the day he spied a Zebra.
Wow, he thought I must have that animal on my farm so off he went home with it. The Zebra didn't really know what was expected of her at the farm and tried asking the other animals.
First she saw a pig and went over to chat "hey piggy, what do you do here?"
"Wellll" said the pig "I just kinda wait around and eat and roll in the mud".
Hmmmm, thought the Zebra, that doesn't sound very exciting. Next she noticed a cow in the field. "what do you do here moo cow?"
The cow looked the zebra up and down and said "I just eat grass and chew my cud and look at the sky all day". Hmmmmm, that doesn't sound like much fun either thought the Zebra. Suddenly, wow!
The Zebra saw a beautiful stallion and raced over to speak to him.
"Hiya horsey! What do you do here?" gasped the Zebra. "Well, came the answer, "take your pajamas off and I'll show you!