My Jokez!

TELLTALE SIGNZ

You are a desi when:
* You keep switching your internet service provider because first month is free.
* You have a bucket in your bath tub.
* You have taken pictures of your car and mailed to your folks back home.
* You've bookmarked immigration web pages in your browser.
* You have collected enough frequent flier miles for a international trip.
* You ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free.
*You talk to Americans as if you represent your whole country.
* You ask before eating any meat 'Is this beef?'

THE MONKEY

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.�
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"�
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.�
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.�

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the�
bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"Now what?" asks the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats�everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

MOHABBAT...

* A Girl to her boy friend ...
Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi
Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi
Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaron se nahi
* A Boy to his girl friend...
chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga
chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga
Mohabbat agar ek se hogi hai, to hazaron ka kya hoga

THE BOMB

A man went to the airport and right in the middle of the airport there was a big pile of dog shit.
The man went to complain to one off the customs officers.
The custom officer said, "Oh sorry about that, that was one of our sniffer dogs he shit himself because he thought he found a bomb".

THE WIZARD

An old man is barely limping down a path one day when he encounters a wizard.
The old man asks the Wizard if he can remove a curse he has been enduring for the last 40 years.
The Wizard replies, "Maybe, but you'll have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man answers without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

HMMMM PATELS YOU CANT CHANGE EM!

There was once a man called Raju who was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him. "I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash."
"Car crash! My Porsche! My Porsche!" "Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries you lost your left arm in the crash and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!"
"Sir, please calm down."
"That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you."
He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. "Pushpa, are you here?"
"I am here husband and I will never leave you."
"Dilip, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you".
"Anil, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Priya, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Well," said Raju thoughtfully, "if Pushpa, Dilip, Anil and Priya are here......
WHO THE FUCK IS LOOKING AFTER THE SHOP?!!!?!"

THE WATERMELON JOKE

There were three men who were lost in the forest.�
They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners�that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shove the�fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain,�so he was killed and went to heaven.
The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries.
When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...7... 8...�on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I know, but I couldn't help it. I was doin' just great when all of a sudden that third guy showed up with all those watermelons!"