Three blind mice,
See how they run,
See how they run,
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
And cut off her head with a carving knife,
Boiled with cabbage,
It tasted quite nice,
To the three blind mice.
It is my life's ambition,
I'd have a fight with a weirdo on stage,
For the slightest of admissions.
I want to be on the Springer show,
So I've hatched myself a plan,
I'm going to eat and eat and eat and eat,
Until I'm the world's fattest man.
But my wife says I can't do it,
The idea is just too gross,
So I've come up with another plan,
I'm going to wear her clothes!
Who got chewing gum stuck in her hair,
Thirty years after,
She still causes laughter,
Because the gum is still stuck there.
The biggest in the world,
But through a mutation in his growth formula,
A horror did unfurl.
One of the onions came to life,
And hatched a nasty plan,
It wanted to become King Onion the First,
And turn humans into Spam.
But Mr Capewell, 84,
Had his own plans to sort things out,
He hit the onion with a spade,
And ate it with some sprouts.
King Henry VIII never wiped his own bum - someone else always did it for him!
Novelist Arnold Bennett died in Paris. His last words were "Of course the water's safe to drink!" One swig later, he caught typhoid and was a gonna!
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