(300902 - Sunday)
My bubble of pride and confidence was just popped this evening. What bugs me isn't the fact that someone told me my problem, but the fact that it took them so long to point it out. I now wonder how many have been victim to me being overly sure of myself. And why didn't anyone point it out sooner? It may have been easier to handle the issue and I might have annoyed less people if I had detected the problem earlier. Ah well, I guess there's no sense in regretting. THIS IS IT. I shall be glad that I now know, and can work to improve on it so that I won't have more people annoyed with my behaviour.

(290902 - Sunday) - Youth Retreat Day 3
Water sports, probably the most fun activity of all. Eight teams of participants had their hand at building their own rafts, and then testing it in the water. Of course equipment was limited to 3 empty plastic barrels, 3 planks and 3 pieces of rope. The committee, inclusive of myself, created a team of 7 and tried our hand at it too. We insisted on not building a triangle raft, which was the most suitable, and the most popular among the teams. Only stupid people prefer to be different.

We capsized once, and gave up trying to get everyone on board. Instead we had 4 on board, while the other 3 acted as engines to help movement. Things were much easier that way. It was so much more fun than sitting up there trying so hard to keep ourselves balanced.

Over the course of three days, everyone was pooped but no one was willing to let it show because they just wanted more. They may not have really learnt much from our talks and discussions, but at least they all had a good time. Even the extremely overworked committee couldn't deny the fun and satisfaction gained from the event.

I collected my fair share of injuries throughout the camp. A few insect bites, bumps on the head, and some scratches and bruises on my left leg. The weird thing is, each and everytime I injured my leg, it was the left leg. The right leg is still perfectly fine. I wonder why?!

I now have someone to idolize. He's not some big shot with a million dollar annual salary, but just a simple 25-year old guy from out of town, who's here in KL making a living. He inspired me so much with his life experiences, and the person he is now is completely amazing. He's the kind of guy I would like to be. If not to be like him, to have him as my peer, and colleague is the greatest honour.

(280902 - Saturday) - Youth Retreat Day 2
Rapelling down a 6-storey high cliff was another great activity. It was my second time, although my first was very much less challenging, and I completed it so very fast. This round, because of worn out shoe soles, my feet kept slipping, causing me to swing and slam flat into the face of the cliff, quite a number of times too.

I was quite hyped up about doing it again. This time, I managed to dig up a pair of proper rock climbing shoes from Robert's car boot. It went so much better this time, and thinking that I had more stability, I was expecting to get to the bottom in no time. After going down about 1-storey, the noisy crowd above and below started screaming my name. A girl halfway through her descent froze against the side of the cliff. I was the next person above her, and therefore the one who could reach her the soonest. Trying to get there faster was a damn stupid choice. Blistered my bare hands on the rope because of friction.

When I finally got to her, I probably felt more afraid than she did. Think about it, I'm not a pro at this, what more when I have to help someone else get through it? What if I screw up? What if she panics and something bad happens? The pressure built, but I knew that she definitely mustn't see my fear. It took a while, but I finally managed to coax her into trusting her safety line, and we both made it down safely. The best part of all, she came down on her own with me only by her side coaching her. My waist is still sore because of the harnest after danggling there for so long.

Energy drained from my body way too fast. The third day may go by without me playing any part in it.

(270902 - Friday) - Youth Retreat Day 1
Much to everyone's dismay, our very first outdoor activity had to be done in the rain. The activity - obstacle course, where people just had to get themselves dirty. What more with lots and lots of mud?

Food at Kem Bina Semangat is much better than food I've previously come by at other camps.

I particularly enjoyed the "Movement Workshop" session, which is actually just an excuse to get people to dance and be jolly. Being in charge of it, and ensuring that participants took part really got me worried. I spent almost two hours filtering through almost a thousand MP3s to find good dancing songs. The end result, we had an instant disco with 80% of the crowd moving. The flashing torch lights added to the ambience. Unfortunately, everyone 'booo-ed' when Lion Vijayan decided to move on to the next session as we were behind schedule.

(260902 - Thursday)
Exhaustion kicks in once again, this time, right before a long anticipated 3day/2night ordeal. Every hour which goes by brings me 60 minutes closer to the event. I sense that I will be among the top 3 most overworked staff at this camp. Yet I know that when it ends, the feeling of immense satisfaction will linger on for the weeks to come.

(250902 - Wednesday)
I'm blessed to have one of the coolest Lions to kick back and chill with us Leos, just before one of our biggest projects this year. Friendly, generous, sociable, exciting, good looking, faithful and committed, are some of his many good traits. Heck - he even allowed me to take his Volkswagen Sharon for a quick spin... no strings attached. Am I wrong to say that he is nothing less than cool?!

After a busy night with the Leos and Lions, a spontaneous activity took place just moments after the thought entered my mind. I took off from SS2 headed towards Subang Jaya, had a short chat with a friend and made peace with myself, and came back home. This little activity began at 12.15am, and it was no more than half an hour later when I arrived home. Ammazing? Yes! Satisfied? No! I only achieved 30% of what I had set out to achieve.

(240902 - Tuesday)
To my amazement, I passed last semester's Marketing paper. Yet I cannot enjoy the feeling completely because failing it has its advantages too. Nevermind. What's done is done. I shall not look back but instead appreciate not having to fork out another RM1300 to repeat the subject.

Once again, I had to go to the hassle of rearranging my timetable.

After tonight's dinner, I have concluded that Hokkien people from Klang are most competent at entertaining themselves. Eight hundred people at a Chinese wedding reception had the pleasure of a few volunteering themselves, and each other, to take turns to go up on stage to put on a show - karaoke! I must admit that they weren't all that bad. Sadly, they sang mostly Mandarin and Hokkien songs, which I could barely understand.

(230902 - Monday)
Yesterday was a foul day, and with it came foul emotions and words.

Today was yet another frustrating day. My entire time table had to be recreated just because the department decided to close one class. Curse them!

I'm such an emotion-driven person.

(220902 - Sunday)
FUCK the world!

(210902 - Saturday)
I'm old! Spending time with the kids at an orphanage this morning has made it obvious that I no longer possess the energy of a child. The kids there wore me out so fast that I could barely keep up with them. An entire day's worth of energy was spent on doing hand stands, tickling each other, reading, laughing, playing snake and ladders, arm wrestling, etc. I also managed to squeeze out 5 minutes of my time to help the other Leos clean house. Cleaning the place was a much easier task than entertaining the kids.

I have never found myself to be passionate about anything other than love. I don't dig spectator sports, nor do I have any true hobbies. I don't read much, I don't mess about with cars, nor do I prioritise my time for any other such sole activity in my life. However, dancing has been the one activity which can truly grab my attention from everything else. I would probably dance at almost every chance I get. It's just that I'm not good at it because I don't get many opportunities. I must now look towards going for Latin or ballroom dancing lessons - one of my past desires which I never managed to achieve. If only I could find myself a suitable partner to go with me.

(200902 - Friday)
I'm the kind of person who would never argue over 40 sen with anyone. Heck, you can talk me into giving you a whole ringgit with ease. But today, I made it a point to argue with a taxi driver who insisted Ipay RM6 for an RM5.60 taxi ride. His excuse - my destination was a place with few potential customers. That's just plain wrong. If I hire you to take me someplace, and you accept, then you should do it with no strings attached. Yet that wasn't the real reason I got so worked up about the 40 sen.

I've once paid another taxi driver RM2 extra for a ride because there were few passengers hiring taxis in the area. But at least he had the courtesy to tell me before I stepped into the cab. Today's guy waited till I arrived and paid him RM6 expecting change, then told me that the fare is RM6 eventhough the meter clearly showed RM5.60. He even had the nerve to shut off the meter before I could ask for my change. Can you blame me for being upset?!

Everyone says that we shouldn't give up. Well, I give up! My heart tells me I should go on but the mind tells me that she's not worth my time and trouble. Plain and simply, she, like almost every other girl, doesn't deserve me.

(190902 - Thursday)
Some things in my life are still in the dumps.

The body is occupied with one thing, yet the mind is preoccupied with other things. I can't seem to pull myself together. These sort of situations are just horrifying. How will I pull through?!

(180902 - Wednesday)
A couple of days ago, I mentioned something about being matured, but pretending to be playful. Today I find myself sitting in somebody's office during a discussion, and I just couldn't stop fidgeting on the chair like how a young kid can't sit still. I guess there's still a little boy in me, and there always will be.

People do stupid things. Today, I took up the task of designing the certificates for our Youth Retreat, thinking that it should be a piece of cake with MS Publisher 2002. At the meeting, I voluntarily gave myself a deadline which was hard, yet possible to meet. I told everyone that since we're in such a hurry, they can check their emails for a draft by 1am. The original purpose was to put pressure on myself so that I wouldn't procrastinate. Here's the problem. I reached home and by the time I got started, it was 12:30am already. Half an hour wasn't too little time. All I had to do was spend 10 minutes or so reinstalling Publisher onto my newly setup system. But the freaking installer failed me. I tried and I tried, to no avail. I finally gave up and being resourceful, I decided to use MS Word to design the certs. Much more complicated, and much more time consuming. But I had no choice. Finally got it done an hour behind deadline. Lesson learnt: "Never be too confident in your own capabilites."

(170902 - Tuesday)
Very little has changed in the past few months. I'm still stuck with the same few friends, and they're still the same kind of people. Still stuck with the same lot for a family, and they're still the same. Still stuck without a girlfriend, and still no sign of one. I need to get away; away from it all. A new life would probably help. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. But then again, I'll probably pass a new life up just so that I can prove to myself that I'll get through this one. That's me - always trying to prove something. Always the rebel.

(160902 - Monday)
It's that time of the year again, when unfortunate couples are being put to the test of distant relationships. It happened once in February for those who flew of to Australia, and now its UK. What do you do when your significant other flies off to study a couple of thousand miles away, and you don't know when you'll get to see him or her again? Cry? For how long?

If you don't cry, or cry only for a brief moment, they will think that you do not really care for them. But if you cry too long or can't stop crying, they will think that you're too emotionally weak. I'm so glad I don't find myself in such a situation. In any case, even if I were in such a situation, I'd probably get over it pretty fast. I'm more of a "live for the moment" or "this is it" person.

(150902 - Sunday)
I cannot wait for my 21st birthday to come. Yet I dread turning a year older, another year further beyond my teens. How time flies. It shouldn't have to be, it just shouldn't.

Today, a certain person of great status said something which provoked my thoughts, and I realized something about myself which has never crossed my mind. Ever since he met me not too long ago, he's been under the impression that I'm very young and playful. Today he told me that when I was up in front making a presentation, I was very different - "you're more mature". My immediate response was "No-la, I just have split personalities. I like to play, but I know when to be serious as well". Then it hit me, in actual fact, I'm just another guy who doesn't want to grow up. I'm still playful on pretence. The real me IS a more serious and grown up person. I just haven't come to terms with "moving on". Should I?

(140902 - Saturday)
Icewind Dale II is the latest addition to my harddrive. Pretty long but interesting game, sort of related to the previous game - Neverwinter Nights, which was darn good too. Installed it and started playing today. I think I've clocked up about 13 hours already.

(130902 - Friday)
I now know that Lions and Leos are not the kind of people who really know how to enjoy a good barbeque. Tonight's affair was one with many of them who do not know the essence of a barbeque. They went there, sat, ate, and be jolly. What they forgot to do was join in and become their own chef for the night. Many Malaysians lack this quality. They all just want to be served. Spoilt BRATS!

(120902 - Thursday)
Went on a computer software shopping spree at Low Yat Plaza. Only RM5 per CD, and there was a "buy 10 get 2 free" promotion. So I shared with a friend and picked out 12 CDs inclusive of programming software, program enhancers, games and MP3s.

I over-walked myself today. My legs are pretty numb with a slight aching sensation. The worst thing about it is that I achieved so little after the ordeal. No new desires and no new clothes to add to my wardrobe.

Way too many people complained about my "thin-ness" today. I have to start doing something about it. Maybe wearing clothes which don't make me look thin would help.

(110902 - Wednesday)
Just got my system back once again. Finally all the glitches have been smoothed out, and I've gone and upgraded to Windows XP Professional. I'm so proud of myself! Catch is that I have to start reinstalling all the software from scratch. This is going to take quite a while

(080902 - Saturday)
It is hard to stay out of reach of certain committees when everyone around keeps pressuring me to attend the meetings. I am not officially in the committee yet, and I sure hope I do not get dragged into it. Maybe with just enough effort, I can stay out of this one. I will of course remain available for the committee to pick my brain if need be, but I most definitely do not want to get myself completely involved.

Two months and a night ago was when I met Shona Loo. Two months and a night ago was also the last time I saw my auntie alive. She passed on today at 3pm. Am I sad? Definitely not. I am so glad that she has finally found her peace. So many years of suffering from cancer and the chemo treatments which come with it must have been torment for her. She is now at ease, and for that I'm grateful. Unfortunately, there are those who I grieve for: my uncle and my three cousins who have lost a wife, and a mother. To lose such an important person so soon in their lives just shouldn't have to be. I am not a person who'd break down and cry at wakes and funerals. But I can say that it is certainly hard to hold back the tears when you see the grief another is going through. I grieve for the grieving.

(070902 - Saturday)
I find it hard not to admit that I have ties with some of the best Lions and Leos around. The people in my club have shown me some very favourable characteristics, and I cannot say any less for some of the Leos who aren't from my club. As for the Lions, many of those who I've had the pleasure of meeting, and working with, have been no less than ever-so-willing to support us. I am so very grateful to have this opportunity to learn, experience, and teach under the Lions Clubs' umbrella.

(060902 - Friday)
We all dream of that fairy tale romance. But in reality, who actually gets to live it? Ever watched the romance series Jack and Jill? There's the perfect example. I wish I could have that sort of fairy tale romance. But alas, it's purely fictional. It's just something someone gave up just dreaming about, and decided to put it into words, and then turned it in into a TV series. When you go back to the essence of it, it's still just a dream.

Such a fairy tale romance has been on my mind way too often lately. It's time to get back to reality, where people get hurt; where I get hurt. I sense a storm coming and I do believe it's about time to start preparing for it.

(050902 - Thursday)
Finally got my PC back, but there are still some configuration problems to tweak. I have an SB Live card, but no sound features available. That sucks huh? I have the option of enabling my intergrated soundcard. Sigh - I'm just plain lazy. Send the PC back to my cousin to reconfigure the whole thing.

Bored bonkers - as usual. Every girl who's initially made plans to go out with me today, canceled. Four of them! Sheesshhh.

A couch potato is a person who sits on a couch, watches TV and snack on junk all day long. I'm not a couch potato. But I think I'm becoming some sort of "house tomato" if the term exists. Heck... I'll just create the term myself. I'm a house tomato! I'm that bored.