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The
Book of Breasts
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Which
is Frightfully Important
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4:1 |
FishGod did sit down and examine the world, and he beheld that as he sat, the fishes were mighty within him. |
| 4:2 |
FishGod entered the Sphere of Glory, and began to preach. |
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4:3 |
"Thou doubtest mine philosophy, sons of Dagon, but I hath not time for thee, for mine eyes are filled with the breasts of this world. |
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4:4 |
"Behold the large, firm breasts. They exhibit the world's glory as they jut forth; lifted and separated they do defy the hardships of life (which are undeniable). |
| 4:5 | "And behold now the hidden breasts, of which man speaketh not but searcheth out often. Hidden behind loose shirts and coats and what-not, they are unseen, but lo, their power is great. Of all commandments, the greatest is "Be ye (a) hidden breast(s) unto the world." |
| 4:6 | "And behold the perky breasts, adorned in tight little t-shirts with suns and flowers and, yea, little faces upon them. Though they are masked and deceitful, yet they can fill an afternoon with great joy. Verily, to see these breasts and learn is divinely healthy, and just to see them ain't going to kill you either. |
| 4:7 | "And behold also the little breasts, which are no less majestic. They are as the stars in the sky which illuminate little but please many. Some of thee are stars and shall illuminate little, but thou art nonetheless pleasing, and the little breasts shall be thin mascots. |
| 4:8 | "And behold the big old breasts, which crown the woman who is, verily, sometimes too large. Verily, when one thing groweth too big, other things grow to be just right. So I am well-pleased with the big old breasts. |
| 4:9 | "And may FishGod bless those breasts which can support grand cleavage, for such is the greatest worship. For one is not born wiht cleavage, but verily, one need not create it. This is truly a miracle. |
| 4:10 | "And I charge thee, behold the bare breasts, for their glory shines in all the others. For nothing inspireth sincerity like bare breasts, and that's gospel. |
| 4:11 | "Behold the bouncy breasts, which art not floppy, but do indeed bounce all day long. For they work always, serve, and diminish themselves not. Not all work exhausteth one. Bounce, oh ye children of FishGod, and watch as the blessed breasts do the same, for they are made for your edification. |
| 4:12 | "Behold too the disproportionate breasts, which are great and are carried by the small, or small and carried by the tall (but not fat). For they are not one with shee who carries them, but are hauled around like luscious fruits of great price and perfect ripeness. So is glory created when the great man stoopeth to do busy work, or a weak man does work that is too great and is exhausitng. But persist in it, for to look pained we know is quite ugly, but to grin and display thine burden is equally beautiful." |
| 4:13 | "FishGod," said Jabu, "are not some breasts unhealthy to behold?" |
| 4:14 | And FishGod said, "Verily, there is a law governing this, the Law of Helga. |
| 4:15 | "And this law is, namely, 'No fat chicks.'" |
| 4:16 | "But doesn't that contradict the bit about the big old breasts?" asked Jabu. |
| 4:17 | "Fat is a state of mind," said FishGod. |
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