I've never been too overprotective with my 15-year-old sister...sure, she has been dating this Spanish guy named Michael for three years, but I always viewed it as a nice, innocent relationship. She listens to Christian music and goes to Catholic school (uh oh!), so she can't be having sex... right? At least that is what I thought until I happened to check out her AOL IM profile the other day and read the phrase "Oh Papi, it's so big!!!" I think I'm permanently scarred.
I'm obviously happy with how the Astros are playing so far...20-11 and two games up is about the best that anyone could realistically hope for at this point. The starters have been excellent (save Tim Redding), nearly everyone is hitting, and the bullpen and defense have both been dependable for the most part...I'm starting to get myself worked up.
One line movie reviews:
Mean Girls - Surprisingly hilarious, worth a look.
Laws of Attraction - Romantic comedy that is neither.
Van Helsing-Wouldn't be so bad if it took itself less seriously
5-8-04 - Caroline's Guest Column
5-7-04 - Alcoholics
5-5-04 - Best Pictures
5-4-04 - NBA Second Round
5-3-04 - The Bachelorette Party
4-26-04 - Eternal Sunshine
4-25-04 - EBall
Archives
1) Reasons to be Cheerful Pt. 3 - Ian Drury and the Blockeheads
2) Dragon Lady - Lucy Loves Schroeder
3) Sad and Lonely - The Secret Machines
4) Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
5) Maybe I'm Amazed - Paul McCartney
6) Flying High - Jem
7) Absolutely Cuckoo - The Magnetic Fields
8) Sunny Afternoon - The Kinks
9) The Laws Have Changed - The New Pornographers
10) Frontier Psychiatrist - The Avalanches
Jeff and I are talking about putting together a "Girls of Rice" alumni calendar to raise funds for a charity. Good idea, or just an excuse to try to see some half-naked girls?
Over the weekend, a few new (and not-so-new) terms came up that I want to add into the general lexicon:
slumpbuster (n) - To my knowledge, this term was originated by former Chicago Cubs legend Mark Grace. According to Grace, the one surefire way to break out of a hitting slump in the major leagues was to sleep with the most unattractive girl that you can find. In our lives (since we aren't concerned with literal batting slumps), the term takes on a slightly different definition. If you are in a life slump, a relationship slump, or even a work slump, sometimes you have to hook up with someone that you wouldn't normally consider to break out of the rut and restore some self-confidence. This someone could be a person who you are normally just friends with, a person who is beneath your normal standards, or possibly an ex (though this one is tricky...it can send you further into a slump). Slumpbusters are the hook-ups that your friends make fun of you for...if you are 100% proud of it, then it doesn't qualify in this category.
Fez (v) - To fez, is to compliment those around you incessantly in an over-the top manner that makes all of your friends look bad by comparison. For example, let's say Liz walks into a room. I may nod at her and say hi, Alex may say, "You look nice", while someone who is fezzing would say, "Wow, Liz! You look incredible...is that a new shirt? It really brings out the color in your eyes. Did you get a new haircut? I love it! Those earrings are resplendent! I wish I could bathe in your beauty for the remainder of my days". See the difference?
The Cooler (n) - Everyone seen the William H. Macy movie last year where he has such bad luck, that he is employed by a Las Vegas casino to sit next to and "cool" down hot gamblers? This is a principle that is not just limited to gambling. Some guys have such bad luck with women, that it can actually rub off on their friends. You know the type...you are talking to a girl that you are into, everything seems to be going well, when your buddy comes up and joins the conversation? All of a sudden everything gets very uncomfortable and the girl walks off to join her friends. You maintain a civilized conversation with your friend for a few minutes, even though you want to tear his limbs off? That, my friends, is the work of a cooler. This is not a power that can only be used for evil, though...if harnessed, you too can benefit from it. Here's how: See that guy over there hitting on that girl you like/your ex? Send the cooler over to join their conversation. She'll be over talking to you in a seconds.
Cowboy up (v) - To be wearing only a cowboy hat and boxer shorts, and to voluntarily pants yourself. A very, very disturbing event for all involved.
Einstein (n) - An Einstein is a complete non-sequitur, often used when you realize your current pick-up technique is completely ineffective. For example, let's say that you have been trying to kiss a girl all night, to the extent that you are accused of "being just like Jeff and Kevin". You have tried everything, speaking French...challenging her to a thumb war...begging. All you can get her to go for is kissing Jennifer instead...What else can you do? Watch the master, "Kiss me! Please! Kiss me! Kiss me! Do you want a bagel?" By offering her a bagel, you may momentarily stun your target long enough to steal a quick kiss.
Alex has kindly donated some pictures that I somehow overlooked for my Best Pictures column. Here is Jeff getting friendly, Blake getting friendlier, Kevin making new friends, and me trying to make a friend.
