1-9-04 - Thoughts
1-7-04 - The Wager
1-6-04 - New Year's in NOLA, Vol. 2
1-3-04 - New Year's in NOLA, Vol. 1
12-24-03 - Presents and Predictions
12-11-03 - Baytown Nights
10-3-03 - A Night in D.C.
Archives
So it was supposed to be a quiet night in to recover from a fun, but relatively sleepless weekend in Dallas...Alex, Blake, and Pork Chop were coming over to play some poker, watch some football, and maybe even have a beer or two. Although I was tired, I figured that poker would at least be a pretty easy way to make a little side money, so I went along with it. Dallas had been a lot of fun, it was nice to see Jennifer, Caroline, Andrew and Sui COLUMN BREAK!!!!!! Did you hear that Dave and Sui are pseudo-engaged? Is this new intermediate period spreading like an epidemic? OK, BACK TO THE ORIGINAL COLUMN TOPIC... but it was going to be great to hang out with the guys again. My expectations for the night weren't too high, though...a thought that turned prophetic when I went to the bathroom a few minutes into the poker game. When I went in, I looked down to see...what are those, warts? Lesions? Whatever they were, they itched and they did not look too good. Damn Burmese prostitute... Resigned to a sense of the inevitable scarring, I searched through Jeff travel bag to find his Valtrex. Once I used the medication, I returned to the poker table with a renewed sense of pessimism. I slunk down next to Alex and decided that I was badly in need of a Corona. Pork Chop could tell my bathroom trip had not gone well, so he was kind enough to grab one from the fridge for me. Once the beer hit my lips, the night immediately started to get more interesting. Jeff told how he had gone out the previous night as the only guy in a group of eight
1) "Clark Gable" - The Postal Service
2) "Sister Savior" - The Rapture
3) "Hearts of Oak"- Ted Leo
4) "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" - Rufus Wainwright
5) "Amateur" - Nada Surf
6) "Inertia Creeps- Massive Attack
7) "Dreaming" - Loudon Wainwright III
8) "Aveda" - Hot Hot Heat
9) "Say Yes" - Elliot Smith
10) "KC Accidental"- Broken Social Scene
Descriptions
Han's Bierhaus - A bar area that would fit into my living room with a slightly smaller backroom that allegedly has bras hanging on the wall (I never made it back there) Out back, there are two full bocchi ball courts that are the main attraction of the place.
Bocchi Ball - A game that is played with one small ball, and different colored sets of four heavier, larger balls in a long sand pit. --CHEAP JOKE ALERT-- Sorta like what happens when Jeff goes to the beach with Rob and I!!!! HAHAHA...I slay me. Anyways, the smaller ball is tossed at least halfway down the sand pit. The object of the game is to get your balls to land as close to the smaller balls as possible. If your ball is the closest, you get one point. If you get two balls closer than anyone else's closest you get two points. And so on.
For our game, we needed to devise a new way to pick teams. Last time we did it by birthdays, but for variety's sake, this time we decided to do it by cock size. Longest would play with shortest, Second longest would play with second shortest, the two in the middle would play with each other. After a few minutes of prep time, the teams were as follows:
Team 1
Jeff
Pork Chop
Team 2
Blake
Alex
Team 3
Rob
Glenn
With the teams picked, we played a couple of rounds of bocchi ball. The game was fun in its own right, but it was definitely missing the something extra that put it over the top the week earler. We needed to make a wager. Lots of ideas were tossed out there, but we unanimously agreed that we had to play to the terms that we initially agreed to the previous week. The first place team would have to kiss the last place team for FIVE WHOLE SECONDS!!! Once the terms were agreead upon, I used my one semester of lawyering skills to negotiate a settlement...Rob and I would pay Jeff and Pork Chop $500 each if they would agree to come in second and let us throw the game. Full proof plan right? Well it would have been if Rob and I weren't such silly gooses...How quickly do you think they caught on to our plan? Could it have been when Rob "accidentally racked himself in the nuts with the ball? Or how about when I threw the ball as hard as I could at Blake's face? Needless to say, Blake and Alex weren't ready to give up their heterosexuality that easily. Pretty soon the game devolved into all six player attempting to throw the game. Since this was getting us nowhere, we decided that new terms needed to be developed. Once again, we decided that the first team to three points would get to decide which two couples kissed for fifteen seconds.. With that, the competition was on. Jeff and Pork Chop got off to a quick 2-0 lead, but Alex and Blake came roaring back with single points in each of the next two games. Rob scored a single point for us in the next game, but we still brought up the rear. With the game on the line in the next round, though, I came through with the biggest athletic achievement of my life. I tossed the bocchi ball high into the night sky, but where, oh where, would it land? Right on top of Jeff's lone remaining ball, knocking it out of play and giving us the two points needed to seal the victory. Rob and I quickly conferenced to divide the spoils...we thought briefly about making the other two couples kiss, but thought better of it. We wanted the hot action. Without too much thought, we decided that we must choose Blake and Alex ...the thought of the 5 o'clock shadows on Jeff and Pork Chop were just too much to bare. With that decided, Jeff started the countdown and sooner than I could believe, Alex and I were locking lips. We were quiet and gentle, but I heard lots of slurping and grunting coming from Blake and Rob on my right. After what felt like only five seconds, Jeff told us to stop. The four of us were all smiles. A few minutes later, Jeff pulled me aside to show me his stopwatch, which very clearly read one hour, thirty eight minutes, and 24 seconds. Now that is a true friend.
BTW, I wouldn't be so crass as to post pictures would I? Oh, that is what you think. Glenn and Alex, Blake and Rob, and the bonus pic.
