"�25 for the rat, �100 for the story" replies the shopkeeper.
"Forget the story" says the bloke, and buys the rat for �25. He walks off down the road, but has gone no more than 30 yards when a rat comes up to him from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is covered in rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking untill he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after the other, plunging to certain death. The bloke runs back to the shop.....
"aaaah" says the shopkeeper, "your back for the story"
"screw the story, do you have a brass Man Utd fan?"
A Rangers and a Celtic fan get into a car crash, both cars are wrecked, but no-one hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars the Celtic fan says "so you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting, i'm a Celtic fan, just look at our cars the're wrecked but we are unhurt, maybe its a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
The Rangers fan replied, " I totally agree, this must be a sign from God" the Rangers fan went on "And would you look at this, it's another miricle. my car is completly crushed, yet this bottle of whiskey didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact that we are alive and well"
He hands the bottle to the Celtic fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediatly puts the cap back on and hands it back to the Celtic fan.
The Celtic fan asks, "aren't you having any?"
The Rangers fan replies, "nah...I think i'll just wait for the police...."
An Aberdeen fan is trapped on a remote island with a sheep and a dog. Soon, the sheep starts looking rather attractive to the Aberdeen fan. However, whenever he approaches the sheep, the dog growls in a threatening manner.
The Aberdeen fan takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The Aberdeen fan ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.
By now the Aberdeen fan is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight fitting wet suit emerges from the water.
She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there is ANYTHING she could do for him. The Aberdeen fan thinks for a moment and then responds, "could you take the dog for a walk".
