DIRTYJOKES2

Ted and his wife where waiting at the bus stop with Harry, his spouse and Harry's 3 children. Then finally the bus pulled up and it was packed full of people.
The two women, and the 3 children managed to squeeze on, but the men where left behind and had to walk.
After strolling along the road for an hour, Ted's walking stick got on Harry's nerves with its continual tapping.
"Why don't you put a rubber on that stick!" Harry complained.
Ted snapped back "If you'd put a rubber on your stick, we would have got on that bus!"

There's this really old guy at an old-timer's dance, and the problem is that he hasn't scored any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn't got any action.
Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said "I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming back to my place for a quicky? I'll give you 20 bucks!" She says "Sounds good, let's go."
They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay, they head for the bedroom. He's loving the sex, and can't get over how tight she is for such an old woman, maybe she's a virgin. After the whole performance, he rolls off of her and says "Wow! Lady if I had of known you were a virgin, I would have given you 50 bucks"
Surprised, she says "If I had of known you were actually going to get a boner then I would have taken my stockings off!!"

What did the right leg say to the left leg?
Watch out for the guy in the middle. He's a real dick.

A little kid goes to his dad and asks "Can I have 20 bucks?"
The dad replies "What do you want 20 bucks for?"
The kid replies "So I can get a guineau pig."
The dad snorts; "Guineau pig hell, here's a hundred, get yourself a nice skinny Irish gal."

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asked his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.
The father replies...well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.
The son then asked his father, well what's the 6 pack for? The father replied, well that's for when you're in college.
You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.
Then the son asked his father what the 12 pack is for.
The father replies, well that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March.....