But I do think it's a good way to learn about people you meet. Like if you're at someone's house, all you have to do is check out the bathroom and you can learn just about everything there is to know about that person - are they clean? Do they floss? Do they have some weird disease that no one knows about... whatever.
But I find it's also a useful rating tool for restaurants too. I go to a restaurant and I'm not sure how much I like it, I just go to the bathroom. That'll tell me everything I need to know.
And it's not just cleanliness. Style counts too. Doesn't hurt to jazz the place up a bit, right? I mean, you're exposing your most vital elements in this place and your potentially leaving yourself vulnerable to every worse-case scenario in the book... so you want it to be halfway decent, no?
Well, I have seen some really nasty potties in this city, boy, let me tell you. I don't know how they do it. I mean, I'm talking pee on the walls, shit on the floor, toilet paper everywhere. It's disgusting.
And how the hell do you get pee all over the wall anyway? The toilet is right there! ...Go for it! What do you need, a sign: "Aim Penis Here."
If people are deliberately peeing on the walls, what makes them do it? What the hell is going through their minds? Are they doing this at home too?
Who goes into the bathroom, looks right at the toilet, and goes, "Fuck you. I'm goin' right here on this goddamn wall!"
Is this really the time or the place for this guy to start being rebelious? I don't think so! You're just spoiling it for the rest of us here, buddy.
And what if someone comes in while you're doing it? ...You're standing there next to the toilet... peeing all over the wall... How embarrassing is that?
What do you say to this guy, "Oh, uh...hey buddy. I...was uh....I couldn't find the sign anywhere... don't know where to aim..."
And we wonder why men can't get women...
Now, piss on the floor- that's different. This I can understand a little better, especially if you're using a urinal. You gotta stand a little further back with urinals because they are NAS-TY! Peeing in a urinal, to me, is the most disgusting. I mean, really. Why would anyone want to go into this dark, skanky room, walk through puddles of urine, and then go and stick their genitals into this ... thing...that 2 million other guys just stuck their penises in? I mean, if you're gonna do that you might as well just go see a prostitute instead, really. Sure it costs a little more money, but at least you get more out of it, right?
I will admit, some public restrooms are actually pretty decent...nicely lit, well dressed...still with the urinals, but good ones. In the urinal world, I guess these would be like the "Escort Girls". And those other nasty bathrooms, they're just the dirty street prostitutes.
But the Escort urinals- these are much nicer, cleaner, usually only found in the fancier, upscale joints. Sometimes you even get the guy that just kinda chills in there, you know, to help you clean up afterwards...like we're really in need of assistance with that. Thank God he's there, right? Otherwise I'd be pissing all over the place and wiping my hands all over my shirt!
That's a sweet gig for this guy too, huh. He's like the Urinal Pimp though, right? Pimpin' out all those high-class urinals. You're in there using his urinal, and when you're done, he's right there for you to pay up...and then you can get a lollipop. It's quite the deal, really.
Some urinal pimps even have little bottles of cologne for you there too, right? ...so you can freshen up a bit like you just did something naughty... guy goes in, does his thing, pays the urinal pimp, then takes a couple squirts of CK 1...
"Gotta smell good, ay buddy? Don't want the wife to find out...[wink]"
