| Hello, dear readers, once again. Of course, I exagerate, there, for effect. What I really should say is "hello, dear reader." in fact, if we're being really penickity, I should be saying "Hello, dear George", but that would just sound downright strange, so, if you don't mind, and I don't, as it happens, we shall stick with dear readers. So, now that we've got that out of the way, I would like to broach the topic of todays discourse with you all. I would, in advance, state that there is merely one problem. Actually, I just said that to get your hopes up. sorry. there's no problem at all. Though I am having doubts. it's true, I'm afraid. You see, I don't really feel that my website is up to scratch. In fact, that's not true at all. I wouldn't have it any other way. I like it like this. But I have been hearing discontented murmurings from other, lesser, beings, that it doesn't have enough pictures. and, moreover, that the colour scheme is boring. And the cursor is wrong. Well, I mean to say, what? In my opinion, when you have to resort to flashy colour schemes and all sorts of terrible pictures, you're usually trying to compensate for something else, and, though i do say so myself, the stuff here is always of the highest quality. I wrote it, for crying out loud. what do these people want from me? So, you'll be pleased, no doubt- though by my calculations it's about fifty fifty as to whether you- yes you reading this now- will actually be pleased- to hear that i am not going to do anything remotely ostentatious or pretentious with this website at all. I respect your integrity too much. Well, if you believed all that, well done! I'm afraid I still don't know quite what is the subject of todays witty yet improving disquisition, but it'll come to me, no doubt. Do bear with me, won't you? Well, I can't think of anything, and you're not exactly being helpful, so I'm just going to have to talk about things that irritate me. I appreicate that some of you will be shocked that such a mild mannered person as myself could be irritated by stuff, but it's true. for instance, there's people. dear god. go into town on a saturday afternoon, and then tell me that you do not despair for the human race. In fact, the state of humanty itself has become quite, quite deplorable. It seems that we are surrounded by yahoos and delinquents. and it doesn't really seem fair. However. I did not bring you all this way just to moan at you, sorry if I gave that impression. I would like, if I may, to take this moment to celebrate something. So toddle off and get yourself some champagne, or tropical juice if you are too young or don't happen to have any champagne in your house, or happen to think, as I do, that it's really rather disgusting. And so, with tropical juice, or champagne for those of lesser bearing, in hand, I think we should raise a toast to things. just... stuff. you know? interesting stuff. I am not, at the moment, aware whether or not you've been watching a program on BBC2 entitled, rather oddly, i think, QI, but it's marvellous. Not only does it have people of at least demi-god status gracing its panel, but it's so interesting. Really very much so. For instance, were you aware that the steam engine was invented in Greece in 100AD? That's an awfully long time before George Stevenson got around to it, and even he didn't actually invent it properly. it was some chap whose name begins with 'T'. I can't remember his name. Ask my mother, she knows. But, and this is the great thing, i think, and if you don't agree then I'm sorry that you've become so jaded and cynical, but it's something you're going to have to get over at some point. Now'd be a good time. Anyway, as i was saying- the great thing is that they didn't, as far as i know, and heaven knows I might be wrong, use it for anything. It just, as I understand it, sat there. Odd chaps, those Greeks. Anyway- had they been thinking straight- or at least differently- they'd have put it together with the railway which was invented seven hundered years before that in Corinth. Isn't life amazing? Another nice story I like is that Hugh Laurie... actually. I don't know how to start it. I think I've chosen the wrong place. Lets try again. You know microphones? well, they have, sometimes, that fuzzy foam thing on. i do not know what it is called. And neither does Hugh Laurie. But he said, once, "excuse me, shouldn't this microphone have a spoffle on?" and the chap who deals with microphones dutifully trotted off to get him one. I don't know if I've managed to impart the real importance of that, but I think it's wonderful. I also think we should all be grateful for the fact that Google does not relinquish any results for "interesting microphone statistics". I'd agree, if I were you, for I am liable to let you go off to do more useful things momentarily. Deary me. If you've read all that, I think you should ask yourself why. And as I havn't really got the hang of ending these things yet, I think I'll just stop. back onwards |