Sometimes, although very rarely, I will wake up in the morning before Matt does. During the summer when the room is a little too warm and stuffy, we won't be all wrapped up in blankets or each other I like to just lay there and watch him sleeping. It is so wonderful to watch his chest and stomach move in and out as he breaths. His breathing is so rhythmic and soft, he takes four or five short aspirations before taking a deeper one, and they are very quit and even. His brown eyelashes are so long and fluffy looking, his lips are perfect and smooth and his face non-stressed, Now this is what I call sex appeal, and a totally awesome sight! I'm constantly tempted to reach over and lightly stroke his chest and stomach, but I'm always scared that I'll ruin such a perfect moment so I wait until he begins to stir about.
then there are the days, totally hectic days when I'm stressed to the max with tests due, an Oracle database defeating me to the max, fighting with the family, feeling down, or just plain upset. We all know days like this, days when you just want to sit there and cry. I'll be sitting at my computer at work and a message from Matt will pop up on the screen. They are always very simple and quite to the point. The :-) means "I'm thinking about you', the ;-) means "I love you', and a :-P means " meet me in my room". Matt reads my moods like nobody else and just these little signs that find their way into my e-mail mean more to me than anything else in the world.
I feel as if I'm the luckiest person in the world to have somebody like Matt put up with me. :-) You know I find it kind of hard to "assess my sex appeal" while I'm sitting here with a horrible big, blue cast on my ankle. LOL. Well, I suppose it increased my sex appeal in the sympathy department. Hehe.
In all seriousness, I find this part of the collaborative piece the most difficult for me to write about. I guess for one thing, Matt must find some degree of sex appeal in me or else he would be with someone else rather than me. He does tell me that I have a cute butt. LOL> Of course that is right before he tell me that I'm too skinny Actually, following my gratuation from high school I began to feel "chubby" inside. Mostly because my old jeans started felling just a little snug and some of my old favorite tee shirts started feeling just a little snug around the tummy. It really kind of began to make me feel a little self conscience. Well the first thing that came to mind was that I was living in the dorms and away from home, so I could cut all the meals I wanted to and drop that weight like one two three. And man did I! I lost that weight so fast it was no time before I had the old jeans (I've had them since sophomore year in high school) just a little baggy around the waist and kind of tight in the butt. LOL> The only problem with this was that I had to diet all the time, which wasn't so good. Then, after meeting Matt, I began running more and more. Now I could eat all I wanted as long as I kept to a pretty regular running schedule.
Ya Know, it's not so important that I keep my weight in the mid 120's for the sake of feeling that I look good to other guys, it's more important of how it makes me feel about myself. (And how I look to Matt). Matt always tells me that I'm way to sensitive and tense about things and that I need to learn to "chill out and kick back". LOL, everytime we watch Whoopi Goldberg in her movies where she goes "Chill out, just CHILL OUT", Matt looks at me and just says "and you listen to her," and then smiles.
I've never really had a problem with dates or being asked out (rather than doing all the asking) which has always made me feel very good inside. Even if it was a girl aksing me out, I was thrilled. My day was make a couple of time when in high school a female friend would tell me that a specific girl thought I was totally hot and then she would wonder why I wouldn't go out with her. Well, even though I didn't want to go out with the girl, I was totally flattered that "someone like her" would think of me as being totally hot.
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