(The scene opens up in the backstage area of a house show. We Scott "The Boy" Hellings polishing his beloved Intercontinental Title when RWW Reporter suddenly enters the shot.)

COLE-
"Scott Hellings! Congratulations on winning back your Intercontinental Title at BattleLines! I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?"

HELLINGS-(Annoyed)
"Mick, this is supposed to be a cherished moment between a man and his championship belt! But, because I'm in a good mood, I'll grant you this interview."

COLE-
"Thank you. Well, for starters, this past weekend you faced Matt Mathers for that very belt you are polishing right now and you beat him. What are your thoughts on that match?"

HELLINGS-
"There isn't much to say! I told Mathers that I was going to be leaving Tokyo as the RWW Intercontinental Champion once again and I did just that! You know, I think there might have been a few people out there who didn't think I was going to do it, but I did Mick! You were probably one of those guys, weren't you? You were picking Mathers for the win, right?"

COLE-
"Well I figured he was due....."

HELLINGS-(Shaking his head and interrupting Cole)
"Mick! Do you know who I am?"

COLE-
"You're The Boy."

HELLINGS-
"That's right I am The Boy and you know what that means? That means that I am The Best! And when I tell you that I am walking out of a match with a belt around my waist I mean it! When The Boy makes a promise that something will happen you can take that to the bank, Mick! And you know what? I guess after that match you might just want to call me (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'Doomsday.' "

COLE-
"Uh...Doomsday?"

HELLINGS-
"Oh yeah. You remember how myself and my cohort MC Tommy Dee came up with that theory about Matt Mathers and Superman?"

COLE-
"Yeah."

HELLINGS-
"Well, than our good friend Matt started running around almost believing he was Superman. Well, if I beat Superman than that has to make me Doomsday. And if that is true, Mick, then I guess Matt Mathers will split up into a whole bunch of other bad wrestlers! Hey! Sing me some of that song, 'Superman's Dead' by Our Lady Peace, Mick."

COLE-
"No, I don't think I should!"

HELLINGS-
"Come on! It's a great song by a great Canadian band! I'd do it, but my voice isn't whiny enough. Come on, just the chorus! Sing it for me, Mick!"

COLE-
"Well...(attempting to sing) I'm thinking why..."

HELLINGS-(Cuts Cole off)
"Don't embarrass yourself Mick! Have some self respect man!"

COLE-
"Well, anyway, all kidding aside, you did walk out with the Intercontinental Champioship for a second time."

HELLINGS-
"Oh yes. Two times I have been the IC champ now. Two times, Mick! And that is fitting, really. You see, a lot of great things come in twos. First (Hellings holds out a finger), you have hands, feet and eyes. All useful things Mick. (Adds a second finger.) Michael Jordan has come back to basketball twice. (Holds up a third finger.) We also have two scoops of rasins in Kellog's Rasin Bran. (Holds up a fourth finger.) The number 2 helps bring our children quality programming such as 'Seasamee Street' each and every day. Well, that and The Children's Television Workshop.And of course we have breasts. Breasts come in twos, Mick. And I tell you, breasts are great Mick. You like the breasts?"

COLE-
"Well, I...."

HELLINGS-
"That's okay, I understand. You're more of a testicle man. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But you know, testicles come in two also!"

COLE-(Trying to ignore Hellings)
"During your match the Impact Playerz came out to help out Mathers. They tried to take out, but you were saved by Lancelot. It would appear as though Lancelot really wants your services for The Patriots. Have you changed your attitude towards Lancelot?"

HELLINGS-
"What are you talking about? I won that match all by myself! Well, regardless, the answer is no Mick. I haven't changed my mind about The Patriots. Not only do I have issues with every member of those guys, but as I stated earlier, while I like the breasts, I only like female breasts. I don't think I could handle having to look at Hogan's flabby old man breasts day in and day out! (Hellings shudders.) So let me just say one more time, no! No, Lancelot. You are gonna have to go and find yourself somebody else to join your little pro-American group that lacks Americans! And I don't care if you are the commissioner or not! I didn't give Stupac any respect when he was commissioner because he didn't deserve any and neither do you!"

COLE-
"Fine. Well, this coming Friday Fire you and MC Tommy Dee have to face off against the newlycrowned RWW tag champs Diamonds Dallas Page and MC Tommy Dee. What are your thoughts on that match?"

HELLINGS-
"Mick, I am sick and I am tired of having to face Chris Jericho. I faced him when he was The White Dragon and I humiliated him! I faced him when he got over his little personality crisis and became Chris Jericho once again. And I beat him then too. So logically, since Jericho is no problem what difference is a drunken guy from New Jerseygoing to make? How can he take out both myself and Tommy? (Michael Cole shrugs his shoulders) He can't Mick. So on Friday Fire I am going to be crowned as one half of the RWW tag champs. That gives me double gold. Two belts, Mick. That's anothergreat thing that comes in twos, gold. But only to those who are good enough to do so, and we all know I am blessed with an abundance of talent!"

COLE-
"Are you prepared for the match then?"

HELLINGS-
"Of course I am! I'm a student of the game, Mick! You've seen me prepare for my matches before! I'm always prepared, that is my trademark. In fact, that is where the slogan and the name of The Boy Scouts came from. They admire me so much, they named themselves after me and adopted my motto. But, anyways, I will be prepared. Besides, this match doesn't even require that much preparation! After all, DDP is too busy drowning his sorrows in cheep liquor and singing bad songs. I can't say I blame the guy though."

COLE-
"What do you mean?"

HELLINGS-
"First off, he has to team with Chris Jericho and as I already stated, he sucks! Not only that, but the guy has to deal with the fact that he comes from New Jersey! And to top it all off, he has one of the skankiest wives I've ever seen!"

COLE-
"So you think you will win the match then?"

HELLINGS-
"Of course! It's all pretty simple, Mick. DDP is old and washed up and Chris Jericho just plain sucks! MC Tommy Dee, my good friend, is one of the best in the industry of sports entertainment! And me? I'm a Canadian Legend! I am easily the greatest wrestler to ever come out of The Great White North. Not Chris Jericho, not anyone! I'm the best Mick! So on Friday, when I step into the ring alongside Tommy and I look over at Diamond Dallas Page and Y2J, I will be just mere moments from attaining double gold. I'm gonna do it, I know it, you know it, and the WHOLE DAMN WORLD knows it!"

(Hellings walks off, leaving Cole behind. Fade to black.)