| Ah Heng's Diary |
| Page 9 of 12 |
| Date: 14th Nov 2003 It seems that things are getting optimistic. However one must not be too happy and satisfied that things are alright. In fact still a lot of things need to be done. I have finally completed all assignments. Finally in the process, I have found an important Truth about our world. The process of obtaining the Lotus and clasp it in one's hand is not an easy job. Just discovered that the whole philosophy of Buddhism exists just to hold the Lotus in the hand. I can't believe this and really shocked me the first time I understand. Secondly, I have embarked on the quest for epistemology. It seems that my calling has finally been materialized in the formal domain and it seems that my Phd thesis will be on this critical issue of great importance. I have my mentor Alatas to thank altogether, for without him, I am nothing. Thirdly, I have found a lot of people who really cared. I am not alone. Such feeling has inspired me to continue my quest. I will hold all the hope and seek for a higher ground to reconcile all the reified disciplines that are used in modernity. Most importantly, Joe has knocked me out of my senses. I have not been practicing what I have preached. I myself, although enlightened, tend to entrap myself in my own former matrix and still can't escape. Sun Tsu is now to be reborn again as my practice. Although I have fully understood Sun Tzu, I have not been applying what he and I have been preaching all along. I am ashamed but now my Enlightenment can be put into practice. A New Era shall begin. (Finally bought Gameboy... At least I can always escape to my own fantasy when needed.) |
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| Date: 20th Dec 2003 I think I have said too much... To reveal too much is to suffer divine retribution. Hence from now on I shall detach myself away from the world. Not even talk with Joe for the time being bcos I think he is not ready yet to accept the truth. Nobody shall accompany me so I shall move away and away. The further I involve myself, the further I am causing pain and suffering to the people around me. The strong should always be lonely. Oh how true. The Heavenly Star of Loneliness (Tian Sha Ku Xing). Now then I understand its divine meaning. Also I shall always rotate around... There is no single person so I must rotate around. If not nobody can accept anything yet and it is not easy for anyone to decide. Lonely lonely... I shall be. |
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| Date: 23th Jan 2004 Finally school begins and a new semester is under way. All seems well, life still goes on as usual. My mood becomes much better when I finally know I am not wrong after all in the grand sceme of things. Things are changing for the better and I can set my mind in peace. Especially since I have already passed my knowledge to various people around, I can finally die without much worries. I hope if I am really gone, Joe can fulfill all I have left behind. New Year has allowed me to see that many things are more optimistic than I had first thought... things are really changing for the better. Especially true is TZ and MI's case which have been diminished over time for they truly disappear after I have gained enlightenment. Hence no grudge is being beared, it is only my personal error and mistake in the past. Also, it seems that they regretted very much too... a new relationship shall arise from such interesting situation. The only problem however is my childhood enemy who seems to be my only obstacle in the future. It seems that I have to beware of him and always stay AWAY before he corrodes my soul and interferes with my future once again. It seems he is my only weakness. It will not be easy to conquer myself even though things have changed so much... Apart from this, things are ok. I shall try to obtain my Phd ASAP since this is the only obvious way for me currently. From now on, this is my foremost goal. Wish me luck. |
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| Date: 20th Feb 2004 Hahahahahahaha... This is the happiest moment of my life as I realize that the Dao flows further than I thought. I really hope that Malaysia and Singapore can reconcile their differences. When both countries disappear into non-existence, then a true Community can be built. I know Prof Alatas must be trying very hard to convince the people around him to believe in faith... faith of the grander scheme of things... I really hope that after things have settled down, both Malaysia and Singapore can survive the crashing impact of the US fall. The stupid US is now crashing faster than I thought. It's epistemological foundation being disintegrating into a big mess and I do not know how long it can maintain. Anyway I made fun of the American Sociologist on the email and laugh so hard at his stupidity that I nearly fainted from exhaustion. I am not against the person, I am only against American stupidity. America deserves to fall. For so long it has held on to its hegemonic powers and dictating how things are in the global arena. It is about time... The greatest truth is always simple... and it hurts. |
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| Date: 22nd Feb 2004 Looks like things are rushing to engulf me whole. First I am to be charged next Sat... it seems my deferment status has still yet to be confirmed. The stupid SAF is killing the life of so many people. Yet there is still the IPPT and ICT to worry about... Think I will be charged twice then. Second my money has run out drastically. If kenna charged, then I need money to clear my charges as well. Now even basic survival of paying my bills become a big problem... How can I acquit myself from these troublesome entanglements? Perhaps I really need to borrow from Mei first before anything else can safely tide over... And still I havn't start worrying about my assignments, which will be due in 4-5 weeks time in a row... Oh no... help help... |
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