| Ah Heng's Diary |
| Page 10 of 12 |
| Date: 7th May 2004 Oh SHIT. Kenna caught and put into IMH... knn like second army coming... and have to act like a smiley worm again. But nevermind, i think I can escape another time. Sian man, I think i need to transfer ward better so as to escape the stupid stress and the madmen over there. I think green dragon is such a foolish thinking.... why have i become like dat is a great mystery that i would never never understand. Perhaps I just want to get out of my state. Hm... this must be the case, get out of Singapore. Singapore is a madness city man... but then i hope things will improve. |
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| Date: 4th June 2004 Oh SHIT. I don't know what happens to me but it seems strange things happen??!!I can't tell Reality from my own imagination and even think of weird things for interpretation. I hope I can get out of the madness that I created very soon and hope life return back to normal as I forget. |
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| Date: 2nd July 2004 I can't believe it took me so long to recover. I have really gone mad to prove myself to the world but the world has proven me wrong. The book is not wrong, it is me who is wrong. I have tried too hard to be significant, even believing that I can save the world through my own effort and secret knowledge, without realizing that I have been bluffing myself all along. I am the ultimate fool. Now I am on the road to recovery, have a lot of own perceived illusions to clear. I have came back one big round to the real world, and now trying to reclaim back my dreams which has left me since my return. I have reached the state where nothing interests me, I do not know whether how long I can live in this empty state. I want my old self back. I am just a nobody. After coming back, I am still a nobody. Nothing has changed and yet I have lost my dreams. Oh my what should I do. Am I still the same old happy-go-lucky guy? I don't know any longer. Perhaps time will tell of my own fate. |
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| Date: 10th July 2004 I am indeed recovering well. I do not know when I will fully recover but it seems I am doing better now. Time somehow becomes my greatest enemy? My own thoughts are disturbing too. Anyway found out that I have indeed forsake something precious. The qing long bai hu zhu que xuan wu I hold is very precious to me once and yet I try to forsake it, I even go mad just to rescue the world using the knowledge. I must relax and get back what I forsake, especially the books I have thrown away I will try to bring them back to me. I have realized that I have lost my zhen, I cant subjectivized things now and must take things slowly. But the more I think, the more I am trapped. So I am not thinking now. Hope everything is fine.... I wish to enjoy life and I hope my life is an enjoyment... hahaha |
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| Date: 1st Aug 2004 Finally I have fully recovered. It all seems like a twisted dream, full of strange experiences that I can not yet explain. But I am glad the whole episode is all over and I am truly back as my old self. Qianwei is getting married. Yesterday joined his stag party and went to his house for a view. His house at Punggol is simply great and comfortable. Also I remeet Valerie as well... so long havn't seen her liao. She is still as pretty as ever. I wished Qianwei well in his new life. I am sad that I missed the mob briefing. Really fucked up now being charged for awol again. Really really shitty. Hope my explanation can smoke me through. Now I still havn't get a job. Desperately seeking for one now. Everyone is looking for a job, including employed ppl who want some changes in their life. I try to avoid anomie by reading Romance of the Three Kingdoms and playing Golden Sun 2. Romance is simply great! And I learnt of the countless heroes of the past who fight for their own ideals. Golden Sun 2 is also true to its name as one of the best games. Still playing to explore the whole storyline. Sometimes I feel like my life is like shit. Sian man, when will my life become better... |
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| Date: 5th Sept 2004 Sometimes I feel that I have had enough. I have thought about it for a long time and decide ultimately I have to move out and live on my own. There is a growing fire in me and I feel extremely irritated whenever the noise of M and F disturbs me greatly. When can I live a good life on my own. Idiots they are all idiots. I don't want to call them so but I can't help feeling irritated by them. What the fuck. It has been so long already. Wherever I go, I am surrounded by mediocre people. Ugly people, really ugly people and worse of all, most of them with no brains. Sometimes I am really disgusted by the place I live in. Vomit and shit. That's what I am surrounded with. I hope these people don't come and bother me or I may just attack them with my fists. Mediocrity is really disgusting. DISGUSTING. Sometimes I wished I was dead. Perhaps this place is really called Hell afterall. Perhaps I am being punished for all I know... |
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| Date: 22nd Sept 2004 I am keeping a record of my activities not only on my Blog but also here. It is important that I want to know how I lived my life and not allow it to become blank. Everyday when I woke up it seems that consciousness is a curse. I try not to let that be and do meaningful things in life. Most importantly it is important to redevelop the kind of passion again and do what I want. Life... will get better. Definitely. |
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