| Ah Heng's Diary |
| Page 8 of 12 |
| Date: 14th July 2003 I do not know whether what I have done today is correct or wrong... in WW1 told that that I have done away with, so as to indicate another step... Just see how it is in the future... Still waiting for my money so as to clear my over-due debts... very difficult and tiring... Today is Monday already, hopefully things can work out... Will be starting school soon... AW has failed last time so is it going to change????? I don't know. It has never been successful all the time... And if according to plan, I would go overseas for three to four years... which is going to stop AW?? At least in Sing is impossible. Things are difficult... unpredictable. So far still nothing to my name. WHAT THE!!!! I am full of angst now. I do not know when a milestone will be set. Too many plans yet none has any clear indication of progress. But at least reading Masters has been successful. Just read last few pages and realized previous pages do contain clues previously thought lost. Hence will remember always to look for past inspirations. Just remembered the shark and remora analogy. Yeah very very true. Wow. Symbiosis. Actually not exact, but convincing to believe... can be realistically applied to all situations. Most importantly, it tells that true love do not exist. Make sure offsprings are cute too. |
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| Date: 18th July 2003 It seems that finally got rid of the trailing tail in the water... the stupid bear that falls into the puddle and finally drowned. Why would she drown? She's a bear and bears don't drown. But stupidity is her downfall... she's drowned by her own fault even if its just a puddle. It seems that only power and money can move the world. Effective and efficient use of money also very important to accomplish the max with min effort and resources. Fame is another crucial catalyst that accelerates the whole process. And REVENGE is imminent. There is NO MERCY to be spoken of in taking revenge. Even if it means to hide as a 'smiley worm' and give them a lethal bite that kills instantly. Regret and remorse scream in vain. Mercy are not for liars... a fitful end for all fakes. There can only be one answer. |
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| Date: 25th Aug 2003 Finally school starts, this is the third week already. A lot of things have happened since then. First, school is ok, have been attending other lectures as well so as to understand the complexities of the philosophical investigation. Found that indeed some forms of knowledge are impractical and stupid. Some epistemological issues of knowledge and their value are ambiguous and questionable. There is a need to further clarify many things, but I must always remember not to be too obvious in my manifestations. Have started on a new Project S. So far theoretically it is viable, just like Warren Buffett choosing his dishes. Sometimes it is very difficult to predict, but this does not mean that nothing is predictable and cannot be done. It is only that my resources are very limited and I have to handle loss cutting and prediction very seriously. If not things would be critical and result in a serious handicap of the Project. I have not got my pay yet and this is delaying all my plans and making all things difficult. Project S become a project that cannot fail. I do not know how things will turn out in the future, hopefully will cut loss and obtain certain amount of winnings. Have gained enlightenment in the Third Perception. Yet there is something seriously missing in the process of manifestation, just like the uncontrollable flow of emotions affecting my manifestations. I agree that emotions are important, but then the ability to manifest comes from the inner or the outer? The inner I am able to control it as usual, for the will comes from the heart and the manifestations follow after. Yet if this is the case, then I need constant awareness and control which is impossible and also not following the Dao. If it is outside then I feel something is seriously wrong too as I do not have control of the self. Perhaps it is a reconciliation of the in-between, and forget about it during operation. |
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| Date: 18th Sept 2003 Time flies and now under intense pressure to complete assignments. School has now become very hectic and there is no time for a moment to rest and play. Have at least refined my knowledge so that my philosophical investigation has become much clearer now. I know what I want to do and there is nothing that can stop me in my pursuit. Mannheim's work has been resurrected by me and of course by my mentor. I must manifest in different ways so as to make the reconciliation effort an effective and efficient one, especially during my Phd. Kenna whack twice liao and they are not good experiences. However it is also the time to learn and reconcile the differences between two approaches which have plaqued the academic world for so long. Philosophy has made them very clear and concise now and I feel that even the department has begun to take the subject very seriously too. Hence my effort has not been wasted. As long as the Sociologists can work something out themselves, I don't see there is anything that cannot be done. My value and existence is already fulfilled. I will continue to write and work something out from the reconciliation effort. I feel that I have become more and more stupid as the day pass. No time to think and contemplate has made me dumber each day. I really hope that after the semester ends, I will have time to think and write what I have always wanted to write. I wish to publish the Gambling book ASAP before I leave overseas. Also my essay on the reconciliation effort must be done too. Then I can leave in peace to pursue my future. I want to play. Hope that when my pay comes, I can play Gameboy once again. |
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