| Date: 10th May 2003 Finally the feeling of anomie is eluding me. The letter of confirmation for my Masters has brought about a sense of relief about my future. At least I have taken the first step towards my goal... although a little step but it's enough. Have always thought of getting a Phd. Not only is it for the sake of social status, but most importantly, it is an important step towards getting any political recognition in the future. Moreover, in the case that I may not be teaching, a job in the private sector is enough. My only goal is of course to earn enough and to start my company. The Unicorn Project has taken its first major step. As for Project AW, it is imperative that I leave everything to the Dao to decide for this current moment when everything is unsure. It seems that I have always not been successful in AW no matter from last time or now. But I never give up. Perhaps I'm like Wu Ji, too indecisive and can't really make any crucial action to secure the stars in the sky. But this will all change for I believe that each failure enables me to gain much experience so as to succeed the next time round. Remember I only need one and it's enough. Have thought and plan about the future after my Masters. Hopefully by the time I finish, the condition is favorable for me to get a place in Japan or Australia to do my Phd. |
| Ah Heng's Diary |
| Page 7 of 12 |
| Date: 28th April 2003 Have no choice but WW1 is to let go. At least something achieved but similarly it is the same as last time... so many times... SHIT!! Perhaps everything has been expended... just like money is being used up initially and nothing's left. Nothing's left except for regrets and stupidity... my stupidity. Perhaps I did not add anything? Or perhaps... not there in the first place? Sian... sian... all effort... it's all gone all the same then. Think not means not... nothing more nothing less. And definitely I've done enough liao. Now it's not my problem... but the Dao dictates so. The realization of the correct requires the correct elements, just like how Hongda realizes the entrepreneural spirit although I failed to convince him the last time. It took a very big turn... I hope that it would be a turn for me too for most failed AW. Let it flow let it flow... Row row row your boat, gently down the stream; merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream. Perhaps this is the correct attitude. |
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| Date: 15th May 2003 At last I get my pay and Project Twinkle Stars can finally proceed. It is imperative that many of the old debts can be cleared. TKS is going to get first payment, while computer's debt can be repaid. Moreover. I have to clear my sis' debts too. Lastly, I have to learn driving. I hope that with this pay, things can be solved quickly... though of course still a majority of a portion remain, such as settling failure of Project G. Actually merely $700 left from next payment, hence I have to pass the test with one go... or look for jobs or alternatives in the future. Project WW has new plans. First, if the entrance to the shell can take place, then it is important to keep the thread. In the mean time, insist on hopping, and continue for a majority of period yet important to strengthen thread over the time. Then finally when moment is near, do the question and make to feel important. Will not go in the last decision and see what will happen in the future. It seems in TS, I still need to find some sort of a job sometime in the future when my Masters start. If not the driving cannot be continued or have to borrow again, which is something that I do not want to happen. |
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| Date: 20th May 2003 qiang wu mei jie guo, dun wu zi you shi... The logical enlightenment is not the true Enlightenment. Enlightenment arrives in its own mysterious ways... Today finally clear a portion of TKS. And it is an acheivement somehow after planning for so long. More than one year of dragging is finally ending. Also bought GBA!! Finally things are coming close to what I want. At least the first step has been established. No too much exhileration, perhaps not even satisfactory. But the joy and gladness is something worth a celebration. My logical thinking has clouded my thoughts... now then realize that I've not enlightened enough so far. Perhaps I should remove all bonds to fly higher into the sky... which is beyond the boundaries of any logical foundations. To forget and to create once again. Forget is the essence of creation. Blandly sweet. Is this the entrance to paradise... |
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| Date: 9th July 2003 A long time since I update my Diary... It seems that what has happened has not given my any AW success though I put in effort... Met Caryn and Jiayi and it was enjoyable. But right, you know what am I going to say... Also just read a few books, one told about a whaler's story of distraction, and the other is the most intriguing philosophy of Han Fei Zi. The whaler should not be distracted by sardines and still think he is clever to fish for squids. Yet he missed the whale. Also, if one can successfully do something, little effort is needed. The master rider does not need effort to control the horse, while the master politician needs no effort to guard his legacy. Of course making use of practical needs is still the keying in making all wheels turn. In all, the Pulau Redang trip is still the best ever trip I had experienced. Got Bernard to thank for in every way. |
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