Mydiary6

Ah Heng's Diary

Page 6 of 12

Date: 1st March 2003

The dragon which fails to fly will be eaten up by the snakes on the ground.
The cruelness of being eaten up can be seen easily from how the dragon in the tank hunts down the zebrafish when the night has turned dark. Given a chance that suits its ability to act, the dragon wastes no time to try gulping it down, while the fish struggles desperately in its mouth. Once the light is turned on, a chance remains for the fish... but it is already bleeding in the tail and weak from the struggle. Hunting it down is just a matter of time. Soon no matter where the injured fish swims, the dragon just needs to finish the job and perform the inevitable consequence of swallowing the fish. A very satisfactory meal... rather than feed on dead worms from the fridge. (BUT later, dragon is DEAD)
Just like the inevitable breaking up that has long been buried, but now has rear its ugly face once again, simply regarding a simple event that is to complete the job. And since things are inevitable, no point to drag it longer. I just need a simple excuse to kick it away and plan for the future.
Time and tide waits for no man: the dragon has to fly into the sky somehow. Remember and remember it well: The dragon which fails to fly will be eaten up by the snakes on the ground.

Date: 7th March 2003

Much has happened after the week. When things seem to be perfect, confusion will seep in to wreck the perfection. When things seem dark and difficult, suddenly everything lightens up and more than expected results are achieved.
Such is the secret of life.
Work is never easy and I have suffered alot of stress due to work recently. But the Dao has repaid me with what I have wanted for a long time by giving me a significant portion of AW success. This AW sucess has been postponed for too long and now is the first time that things are going smoothly. Although my heart is still guarded, but the internal joy cannot be denied. Only the mysterious part 'Under the Moonlight' has not been fulfilled, but I believe Unicorn will guide me through eventually. Still, some part is missing....

Date: 15th March 2003

Although Project Angel Wings has had some successes, there are still too many obstacles to climb. Firstly SP WW is now getting very sensitive and strange... though not the first time that this happens, it is still a threat. Very jia lat if this thing stumbles and allow all things to fall apart. Not as smooth going as I expected it to be, and I really don't know what the other party is thinking or doing.
As for SP S, now the timing has not been right as everybody is preparing for assignments and ready for exams. If forced my way, it would not been nice and not according to Dao. Perhaps I have to find some other plans out... but so far i've been at my wits' end. Perhaps have to wait a little longer?
Not the best of days. (Discovered the phone exchange later)

Date: 7th April 2003

Have been carrying out Project Angel Wings for some time now and they are successful for the time being... For WW, three days of interaction after A-Day has taken place and so far so good. However friends are of the priority now and not otherwise... It would need to take more time than expected before another major step can be cleared. Have to avoid for the time being in oder to create a need... rather than to impose everyday.
However S is in probation for the time being. The response rate is poor and it is difficult to carry out the project as expected. Exams are coming and what more can be said except to postpone it till another sem. Should have done it at a better timing but this is a pilot project hence it needs time for things to be understood.
Now everything seems to be in doubt. All things that are planned out so far has been carried out but success seems to be too optimistic than predicted last time. I do not know whether I can take my Masters succcessfully or not... only after my letter arrives then things can be confirmed. So is the same for my next research job with INSEAD... have to wait till I am being contacted again. As for AW, it seems to get more and more sensitive and strange... hard to discover the thoughts of the other party. But it seems that there are actually too many things on the mind right now and alot of things awaits to be settled. Hence play by the rule of WW, as it is what it is called in the first place. See how it turns out in a couple of days of no-contact.
Most of all, heard that TZ rounding. This is a superb blow... or is it? The project of TZ is perhaps longer and more complicated than I had thought previously. Perhaps as Cheng Xi said, it will only be after the tie break....

Date: 8th April 2003

It is imperative now that there is an excess being involved in WW, and that is very dangerous and uncount for. Hence prepare for the tie break as soon as possible and see how later. It is certain that WW lacks the ability to understand and to be giving... now is not the time perhaps for too complex a matter... for only a child. WW shifts to another...
It seems then that my time is not right yet... still not correct no matter what I think. And yes, WW has to end itself in a natural way if it turns out to be the case. I shall let go then.
Everything that ive done is now all against me... Oh no oh no...
A feeling of despair has swallowed me whole. Treat tomorrow as last then.

Date: 17th April 2003

This feeling of despair is stronger than ever... it seems there is something seriously wrong then... it seems nothing has worked... or am I too in a hurry?? But how long do I have to endure these crap... Yeah for WW1, I have made the most serious mistakes... read so much also no use bcos inability to apply... but am i wrong? Yeah perhaps... When to do and when not to?? Is there things to remedy??
No! I've not been wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck all the things. I'm right. Now is not the time to decide right or wrong as in the midst of the action. Still a long way... Moreover, its just like producing wine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why havn't I tot of that??!!!!...........