Mydiary5

Ah Heng's Diary

Page 5 of 12

Date: 25th January 2003

It's now 410am and I can't get to sleep. Supposedly have to wake up at 545am the next day for the temp job at Suntec... yet it seems that fate does not decree that I can rest...
Astrology predicts that in 2003, Pisces would have a rewarding and fruitful year. Perhaps it is coming true as I seem to have some sense of directions after being lost for so long since last year. Thinking of the past, ML and TZ seems to be extremely distant... meaning that time really can wash away all wounds. And discover new relevations about how to deal with the opposite sex. A learning experience that comes from a whole round of trial and error.
The more I understand, the more I realize the truth of humanity. Perhaps consciousness itself is a curse... it makes people thinks too much. Yet when you understand the underlining meaning behind it, it all seems to fit into place. Gals and guys merely fit into the scheme of things that make human beings 'human'. Money is what gals look for to support her and her young, gives her security about the future and ensure her survival till the very end. While man looks for features that are able to support him through the toughness of work - a pleasant looking wife, good cook and concerned gentleness - these would blow away the hardest of tiredness and obtain heavenly bliss at home. Such is the natural working of things. It took me long enough to realize this.
My plans has not changed but I have gained more insights about myself. It surely takes me closer into realizing my dreams and to be practical about it.
Now there are basically two paths to follow. One is the way of work, taking a job and earn money while saving up to start my first business. This requires the sending of resumes and finding a good job soon. Start to live within limits and save at least 10k is the starting goal. The second less direct path is of course to refrain from getting employed too soon and to push everything back. First obtain my Masters in one year and carry on to gain my Phd overseas. Then come back to earn the maximum pay possible after so many years of hard work. 4 and half years at least from now to make this happen and I would be 31 by then when I start earning that kind of money... But worth it or not is not for me to judge now.
Looks like I have to let fate decides. If I can obtain a satisfactory job before my Masters begin, then I would probably scrap the idea of going for Phd. If job doesn't come early, then no choice, fate decreed that I would have to do it the academic way. Perhaps this is truly what I want after all... to be a consultant and at least earning a pay that commands much respect. And as people say, for a man, life only begins after 30 years old. But have to see whether the school accepts my Master application or not. To be known in April or May... still a long time away. But can the Dao of upcoming trend wait that long until I have taken and completed Phd?? Signs are saying I can, but nothing is certain at the moment.
Going back to school is really a bliss... as I have already experienced when I went back these few days. Perhaps this is the only chance for me to get my potential wife... But no matter what I have finally able to tell the difference between courtship and relationship. Man always make the mistake in thinking that courtship is relationship but it is not. Courtship is the process where man gets rejected and persists on and on to get the fancy of the gal... it is not the building of any relationship at all. Only when the man gets the gal then a relationship starts. Sometimes courtship takes a short time and sometimes it takes a marathon runner to succeed. Such is simple theory and yet I am too naive to distinguish the difference last time. Having thought that relationship is THE thing and everything, it crushes my expectations and send me into the path of ruin. Luckily a time of solidarity can be found for me to realize this important but simple truth about the scheme of things, and to salvage whatever pieces I have left so that I can be moulded into a stronger person in the future. Gals are simply quite stupid creatures in their own way who can't distinguish between true and false during courtship. Hence making use of courtship is perhaps the best way to open the doors to a gal's true heart, and to know whether she is indeed the ONE for me.
Last chance to go to school. Have to court a few gals then. Prepare for the ordeal man, Ah Heng. You are the god of love.

Date: 19th February 2003

The revival of all abandoned Projects with a new vigor and mission is perhaps the most important aspect for this month. Especially for Project AngelWings which has always be unsuccessful in the past, now with brand new enlightenment and understanding, AngelWings is truly back with a fierce vengence for success. Seperated into Sub-Projects S and WW, both have unlimited potential to be very successful in time to come.
As reviewed last time, SolarWill is the only Project that is sucessful when things come to a close. Since all projects have been revived, the all-important Project Unicorn has of course taken a new direction. Now with greater enlightenment, Unicorn has been upgraded into a massive Project that is far beyond its last goal. Most importantly, the foundation of philosophical Daoism rests as its backbone - making it transcendental and beyond mediocrity. The first step of Unicorn is still unclear... have to wait till May before its first direction can be shown. As for the practical TwinkleStar, the Project has been integrated into Unicorn. Though it has taken many crippling blows in the past, TwinkleStar still has to progress nevetherless. Its priority small goals can now be fulfilled one by one as my financial ability increases over time. Last of all is the maintenance of the minor Project, Project Shine.
Now I have decided to create a new project known as Project Akane. It pertains to the multiplicities of investment tools that will eventually form the future basis for TwinkleStars. So far Akane already has a few plans on hand and they all have potential to be further developed into a full-blown Project. But all these have to depends on fate and careful planning over many years. Akane is of course a dream and hope that awaits to be realized...

Date: 24th February 2003

The first phase of SP WW of AW has met its first obstacle... a city wall has already been built and the battle inevitably becomes a long term one, not as I had first predicted. Well, not really obstacle as SP WW itself is transcendental, meaning things its best to take its own course. I-ching predicts that 'Sincerity' is key, hence sincerity has to be shown as a continuous effort in this long term battle. On second thought, the city wall is certainly no match for me and that the moving Dao is certainly to my advantage. Plus the showing of 'sincerity', this is a sure win battle. So time and patience certainly can pay off in the long run. Well, today it still hurts a bit anyway. I must be careful to always guard the heart.