| Ah Heng's Diary |
| Date: 2nd March Today I witnessed a friend who is about to have his wedding. It is indeed sad to realize that he is of the same age as me and he has already taken the big step towards life, as opposed to my current status of being single... and still with no companion. His face shines with anticipation and joy... I hope that I would be like him too somewhere in the near future. Come to think of it, a poly grad indeed do have certain social advantages over u grads in the current situation. Able to graduate fast and get a good job that pays well, his life is stable and hence able to get a girlfriend that lasts. After settling down, there is then possibility of further advancement with life such as thinking about getting marriage and starting a family. I yearn to marry early, but it seems that I am far off from the situation. The gals around me are immatured and still stuck in the stage of trying to date ideal mate that rides Mercedes and Jaguars, or even consider not marrying if the ideal mate is not found. Dunno anyone has noticed but I seem to discover that the more they are educated, the more they tend to dream the impossible. Expectations become higher and higher as people believe in their own percieved value of themselves. The blatant truth is that they value their prides too much and forgot that they themselves lack the social experience to interact with guys properly and are actually shy like shit. They don't know how to react to actual BGR situations and often do destructive things to protect their pride, rather than to respond accordingly. On the other hand, most poly grads who come out to work early are definitely more matured in their thinking now. Grads are way far off... they need experience in the real world to realize what is the truth about life. Well, anyone who disagrees with me please tell me about it... but only two years after you have worked in the society. Surely by then, your mind would realize that I spoke the truth now... Still, I proceed to eliminate many of them by removing them from my contact list. No more are they my targets. Farewell forever! Good riddance, for I have no feelings for those who are not interested. |
| Date: 28th March Seems that some time has passed since I last wrote my long diary entry. Ok, now here I am, feeling stale about life. Life has gone suddenly stale... games no longer interests me, friends no longer interests me, entrepreneurship no longer interests me and so do gals. In fact, the entrepreneurship is still a long way off due to the lack of funds to carry on. I need to work... which so far has been unsuccessful for there are no interview call-ups. The lack of interests in games is due to the lack of any spice in my life that games could go complement with. The lack of interests in friends are that they are always a major disappointment. Most are only interested in their own egos and none has the farsight that I had... None could share my thoughts too. The lack of interests in gals is because of my giving up in searching for a confident gal that could interact with me. All of the gals I know tend to lock themselves in protective shells and do not know how to interact well with me, or those that are not interested in me. I really hate gals who play mind games. Where can my confident gal - who is willing to interact with me - be? I have yet to find her. So I say life is stale. Perhaps only the wine in my hand tells me that I am still alive. Shit, it's the last glass... |
| Page 2 of 12 |
| Date: 1st April Seems like another month has passed silently. Patiently I've been waiting for any progress and so far there is none yet. Well sometimes nothing cropping up is better than anything bad that makes the situation worse off. Now life is stale... but still quite comfortable for me. Sometimes boring but it seems that I can somehow always find things to do everyday. It is at this time that I try looking back at past diary entries over the months. Hm... seems that my resolutions hasn't been fulfilled even when a quarter of the month has passed. As the music of WKRZ 91.3 rocks away behind me, the night turns into another one of those stale and lonely nights. It seems that the Dao has not been too good to me nowadays, but it doesn't seem to be too bad either. Just plain boring and stale. Like the air before the thunderstorm? Hm... that seems to be a perfect description for my current situation. I yearn for the thuderstorm that is arriving any minute now. I don't think that I've missed out anything when compared to my peers who have already found jobs. Well, so what if they are earning a salary? Eventually, they will spend the salary and enjoy themselves using the money... it's the norm. So haven't I enjoyed myself as well all these time? The most I can't buy relatively more expensive things such as a car, but I don't really crave for them... at least for now. A good game of Pool and drinking with friends are some of my best enjoyments now. I don't think I lack anything else in terms of personal enjoyment. Perhaps the only thing regrettable is that my life dreams cannot be fulfilled as fast as I thought. Like what Meng Fatt said when I met him in a couple of days earlier, he told me that I've been too impatient to achieve too much. Come to think of it, his words do really stirke the jackpot. Think I've been too lucky all the while, being born in a good family who bore my study loans and has been very patient with my recent unemployment. Some of my friends have no choice but to be forced to get a job, while I still can take my time to enjoy some personal time. I feel like a tiger impatiently waiting to jump out of the shadows to catch its prey. I've spent too much time planning for my future big goals. Now I am just waiting for the opportunity when the Dao turns in my favor... and I will ride the inevitable winds of change to carry myself to the Pinnacle of Success that awaits me. Now the winds seems to be stale... too stale to do anything. But I can hear the thunder rumbling in the sky. Seems like a storm is inevitable. |